Life can be hard and despairing, but if you can process and push the garbage aside there is such a beautiful world. I traveled around the world and I have seen things that are unimaginable. Life doesn’t need to be a disaster or chaos. We can help each other. Lift each other up. How blessed we are for having this site where we can reach out to people during our dark days, then uplift people in our great days. It’s a roller coaster. Everyone has their own crap. But we are just a little different. My husband said it best......depression, and a lot of mental issues, kind of makes you more sensitive to others and the world. We just want peace. I know it’s out there. And I am so grateful for the things I have and the life I live. I know it’s hard, but just step outside. Even for a minute and breath the fresh air. Move you sore body a little. Stretch. Laugh. I’m not saying fake it until you make it cause I hate that saying. I’m saying sometimes we get in our own way, I am the ultimate offender. We are amazing people who have a lot of advice and love to share. I’ve seen it so much on this site. Just know this is a safe place. Reach out. Talk try to look above and beyond the junk, even if you just see an edge of the beauty, that can bring hope. We are all worth the trouble, effort, inconvenience, and you whatever else. You don’t need to shout out all your ailments but be proud of yourself who you are, be proud you have had the strength to reach out..read this. We are not crazy, we are amazing people that feel. I pray all of us will find some hope as we go about the journey of life. Life is worth it. We are worth it.
We are worth it. : Life can be hard and... - Anxiety and Depre...
We are worth it.
I needed this so much. I feel like I'm standing on the edge of the abyss and have fought with this feeling all day.
This gave me a little hope.
I’m so happy it did. Really it brings me so much joy ❤️
What a lovely and inspiring post Dilaw. You are quite right of course and thank you for posting this. x
Thank you for your kind words. It really helps to know that it makes sense to others and people can relate
Oh yes. I understood and could relate to everything you said and you put it far better than I could. x
Thanks. ❤️
Thanks ,I enjoyed this post 😊
Like you We have travelled all around the World, we have even travelled overland from Venice to Peking sorry wrong name. It took several years to complete however it was a wonderful experience, so I can and do relate
I find living for the day, if you can move away from the past and plan and give positive thought for the future. Also never go to bed on an argument. That is the best advice I can give.
Strange to say at sixty eight, we are now enjoying our own country with its nature and history, we always have plenty to do and that introduces further words of wisdom.
We also found the best adventures were those that allowed us to walk away from the group, if we were in one. Personally in the Middle/Far East that has become more problematic
BOB
Just thinking about tomorrow gives me anxiety. When I think of all that I have experienced I’m the last 45 years I can hear that bald television dr say stop asking why;ask why not. For so many of the last 25 years I have trusted my husband with everything. I trusted that he would tell me if anything ever concerned him. I have spent the last 10 years jumping through every one of his loop holes. I allowed him to use our marriage as a bargaining tool. The last one was you need to go to a psychiatrist or we are getting a divorce. So, I go the the psychiatrist who I like very much. Now that’s not good enough. He wants me in an inpatient facility or we are going to get a divorce. He said my psychiatrist told him this. I got her on speaker phone. She never said anything close. In fact she reaffirmed that I am not a danger to myself or to anyone else and that I’m doing really well with making adjustments to medications that I had been taking for years. The hardest and most hurtful part? Wouldn’t you think this would be good news?
Something he would want to hear? My spirit is crushed right now because I have no safe place to fall; consequently, I am here—unloading to people who may or may not share similar experiences. I just wish my husband understood that learning to use my coping coping skills and getting through these low points would be so much better if I knew—if I felt—I had his support and and encouragement. If I knew I still mattered—that our marriage was still a priority—that
he still loved me unconditionally. Only our children and my psychiatrist see the emotionally abusive side to
my husband. I’ve tried reaching out to his parents—after all my husband has no problem telling them everything about me—all that makes him look good. I’m worried for our two youngest boys 9 and 12 as I can already see their anxiety as a result of his anger. I have tried asking people for help and it is astonishing how many people who I thought were my friends wanted no part. It took everything in me to reach out to these people for help for guidance but there is no one. My husband and I have 6 children-4 of whom are adults-3 of those 4
are struggling with some sort of issue. I cannot sit back and watch the same happen to the younger 2 and I can’t take it much longer. I just have no clue what to do without giving up me. I like me. I am a fighter. I am a survivor. Now I here.
I can totally relate. An ex-husband was just like you describe. He would call me bi-polar, like that was a bad word, but that was not my diagnosis. He actually succeeded in having me institutionalized. He was a crazy week. His father is a psychologist who knew our therapist, words were taken out of context and off I went. Worst two years of my life. During the first year I realized he was not the right man for me. Well actually he said it was over and I went deeper into depression, than way too much ECT, lost my memory, couldn’t drive. Somehow on one of my times home, my family came and helped me pack all my stuff and get a new place. But I wasn’t good for another year. I had three children at that time. All under the age of 5. Somehow, someway, I dug deep one day, while I was lying almost lifeless on my moms den floor. She came to me to give me all these meds. I said no. I don’t want them. Then she said come on we have to go, your going to be late for your ECT. I said no I don’t want it anymore. It took two years for me to be on my own. He eventually came back or begged me back, but the site of him made me so sick to my stomach. Of course I still have my mental issues. Some made worse by him. He beat me, verbally, mentally and emotionally abused me. He basically to my will to live and made me feel like the filthiest thing ever. It really didn’t have to try so hard. I was molested as a young child and my family life was really rough during my teens.
My point is when I was ready, I picked myself up. It took sometime. Don’t be hard on yourself. If you fear for your life there are places you can go to that are nice, and will keep you safe. You don’t need the abuse. It’s so degrading and it plays on your mind. Just by pouring out those words you have taken the first step. Find a place that protects women. Do it slowly. Try to save some money. And when you are ready LEAVE. He thinks he has power over you, but in a heartbeat you can change that. Do it for you, and your kids. There are too many of us on this planet. They deserve to be free of fear and anxiety. My thoughts are with you. Because if you decide you can’t take it anymore, well it takes work. Starting over takes work. But you are worth it. Think about yourself as a child and watching someone from a distance kicking that little girl around. You would stop them right? Well love yourself. Love the little girl that lives inside of you. Don’t let anyone take your light away. You can do it. Trust me, I had to restart and get away several times. There are places and programs out there for you. Like there was for me. Probably more now. But you want to do it right. Starting here is great, but I hope you continue down that path and take his power away and rebuild yourself.
You can always pm me if you want to chat. I’m telling you, your story and mine sound so much alike. I’m always here for you.
Xoxoxo,
Diane
Why does depression and anxiety make me feel so guilty knowing with all my being that I am doing the best I can? Why do I care so much about what others think? How do o teach my children compassion and understanding when their father is modeling a different behavior towards me?
You do your best. The guilt you need to face and knock down. It’s takes a while for it to stick.
Your best is all anyone can ask for you. And your best may change from day to day. Even with a bad example as a father, you can teach them compassion. Love them, tell them you love them. Hug them. Tell them that you are doing your best and your trying to figure out a solution to make things better but it’s not easy and it takes time. Just spend time with them, being loving and caring. You can be the example and show them the right way to be.
My kids turned out amazing in-spite of all the crap I went through and put them through. I just told them I was trying my best. I would apologize when I felt I was wrong or made a mistake. But my two eldest who suffered the most tell me they learned how to be strong by watching me. I tell them how amazing they turned out regardless of what happened. And they always say “it’s because you taught us mommy” I still make them call me mommy. lol. My eldest will be 28 this year and the second will be 27. However, I do have a son who is 22 who started abusing drugs at a young age and took me to hell and back. The stealing, sneaking in strangers why we were asleep. He almost died 3 times. Got hit by a car because he was wasted and the car just took off and left him there. I struggle with him. Then my baby girl is just amazing. I tell all of them what an amazing gift from heaven they are. My miracles. How beautiful they are and how much I love them. They share some of the same issues that I deal with. But not too many. Somehow they persevered. You do your best. And if they lash out on you, reassure them that you love them but let them know you are human like them and have feelings and it’s not right to lash out on someone who is just trying to get through this. Is any of this making sense. I feel like I am rambling on.
Thank you. It sounds like I am on the right track. It’s the anxiety that gets the better of me and makes me doubt myself. We have much more in common. My eldest son is 28- I had him when I was 16. He abandoned our family a few years ago and we have no idea why. My heart breaks every day. He went and got married and had our first grandson. They just had their second son. I have two grand babies I’m longing to meet. My 24 year old son also has a son with his ex girlfriend. We do get to see him regularly but our son needs help. He is showing signs of bipolar disorder which runs on both sides of the family. My 22 year daughter just graduated college and started teaching. She is expecting our first granddaughter. Her boyfriend is a really good guy from a good family. My 20 yr daughter is now living back at home. She was diagnosed with depression and anxiety this summer. Fortunately she came to me to telll me that she was thinking of hurting herself so I stayed awake with her for 3 days until she chose a facility where she could get some help. My two youngest are 9 and 12 and as I said they are already showing signs of anxiety. We found a therapist for our 9 year old. I really appreciate your support. It’s the most attention I’ve received where I didn’t feel judged in a very long time. God Bless!
I am so glad I could be of some comfort. I am so sorry that eldest has cut off ties, and has children you have yet to meet. That really breaks me up. My son, the addict, who is currently clean, but has depression and anxiety and refuses help, he would use my granddaughter as a pawn to hurt me. He broke up with his girlfriend and she saw how awful he was to me. I see my granddaughter at least once a week. I am still in contact with my son, but have set boundaries, and he knows it. When he yells or curses at me I tell him...nope, no way. I won’t put up with his tantrums.
I’m sure at some point your eldest will come around. I kind of broke away from my family a few times. Now I am older, and have older and younger kids of my own, and I understand the pain I caused my siblings and mother and father. It took sometime. Just send him good thoughts and love. If there is anyway to reach him, just a simple “I love you” with nothing else might get his brain to start thinking. Just plant little seeds of positivity here and there and watch how they grow.
Sending you love, peace, comfort, strength, and joy. You deserve better. Love yourself.
Diane
Beautifully said! You are somebody I want to be friends with!
Thank you very much, it means a lot to me.
Unfortunately we have no way of getting a hold of our eldest son but I do pray for him every day. Hope Love and Faith! Ironically he keeps in touch with my mother and sister who have no relationship with me and he is now keeping in touch with his biological father’s side of the family-those who were not there for the first 22 plus years of his life. My husband adopted my eldest after we married when my son was was 3. My husband is the only father that he has ever known. We never kept the bio side out of his life. They chose to not have a relationship with him. Thus the pain runs deep especially due to everything I experienced and all the challenges I had to overcome as a teen mom. It’s not fair to my husband to me and most importantly to his younger siblings.
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