Here I am on the couch again...

[Alivefor1320]

I'm a 56 year old mother of two grown sons. Divorced after 33 years nearly 4 years ago. The depression really set in within the last two years. It's not getting better, it's getting worse. I don't recognize my life anymore. Left my home, left my job (we owned two businesses together), everything has changed and I'm failing miserably at rebuilding. There's so much to say but, I'm just so tired. I'm not functioning, can't sleep, can't smile, can't exercise, can't keep my online business afloat that I started after my divorce, can't stop thinking about my husband, can't breath, can't get up. The momentum it took me to get this far is no longer.....As many people in this sort of depressed state do, I think about being gone.....just gone but, could never ever do that because of my sons. My youngest is a fireman and I can't have him running into fires with that sort of trama as a permanent part of him. So, that's out. The depression is slowly just killing me all on it's own....

[Penpallady35]

Hello dear, have you sought out some help with a friend, minister, therapist? I have been divorced many years, but went through the same problems. Now it's hit me again. I am trying to talk to a therapist, talking to God, looking for support groups on zoom, reading more self help books, trying to find more groups at the library and other places to attend. Keeping busy and also talking to someone is so important. I'll be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers and hoping you find the help you need. Coming to this group is your first positive step.

[Alivefor1320 in reply to Penpallady35]

I really kind of wore out my friends with the preceding years leading up to the divorce and the years since then. I am blessed with my best friend of 40 years and we talk often. God bless her and her patience with me. I am taking an antidepressant and that has taken the edge off, in that, I still cry a little each day but, not where I sat for hours and cried with gusto. Took me several years just to take that step. I don't want to call my previous therapist from prior to my divorce because I'm almost afraid to let her know how I am and I'm embarrassed as well. I can't keep up with work, various dr. appts, so the idea of adding a therapist to visit is just too much for me right now. I was the type who always "got by with a little help from my friends". Now, it appears that most of them have moved on, one or two pulled away from me but, the rest have just moved on with their lives as normal people do. I was once surrounded by friends and family and they were everything to me. My mom dying 1.5 years ago was what put me over the edge. I'm not living alone but, I feel alone. I hide in my tiny little home office.

[b1b1b1]

My husband died a few years ago. He always told me that "it's very hard to live alone." He knew this because his first wife died at a very young age of ovarian cancer. He was right. Even though you divorced, you may be having a great deal of difficulty adjusting to being alone. This may be particularly true if your marriage was not terrible or abusive, but just no longer interesting. It is indeed very hard to adjust to being alone, so I don't have any really good answers for you, but I do have a lot of sympathy and understanding. Antidepressants may help, and I would not hesitate to go back to your old therapist and tell her how you feel now. I thought I might be happier on my own, but I was very wrong. x

[Agora1]

Welcome Alivefor1320. I'm happy to see you take that first step in finding

those who understand and care. You're too young to hide in your home office

each day. As for the couch, it's meant to relax at the end of a productive day.

Life is full of twists and turns as well as losses as we go down the straight and narrow

path we suddenly come to a "Y" shape divide in the road. It's time to make some

changes in how we think and how we act as well as how we proceed in Life.

The more we tell ourselves that "we can't" the less we do. The years will go by whether

we hide, sleep our life away or actually do something different. Something beneficial

to not only yourself but others.

Don't ever wish yourself Gone... Life is too precious to give up so readily. It's worth

is nothing that money can buy. You are here for a reason...Let us help you find that

reason I care xx

[mathematics]

Sorry to hear you are having such a tough time you really need to get some professional help and maybe tablets to get you over this dip you are in. I have been there in the past and unfortunately became very ill with everything. I was given medication and I have not looked back, they help keep my moods stable and me well. There is nothing wrong in taking meds when you need to. Hope you get through this soon and all my love.

[catsrock]

I'm so sorry you are having such a hard time. Just know that we get it. I hope you find some relief soon.

[punkster]

Hello. I don't have anything to share about personal experiences, but I wanted to reply to let you know that there are many people that care about you. I am truly sorry you are going through this. I'm glad you have your two adult sons. Change is inevitable in life and chances are that things will get better for you with time. I agree with the other posters that meds might help you get through this rough patch.

[Horse1958]

Hello

You are obviously a strong person who has tripped and fallen and is struggling to get up. First question have you been to your doctor are you on medication.

Presuming you are we need to get you up and on your feet again is there any mental health support groups in your area if so join up with them you will be amazed at how much talking to other sufferers can help and make you are not on your own. Start to exercise small bit at a time. Watch some good comedy shows that you really enjoyed. Get yourself a good massage regularly if possible. Join yoga or ti chi or something in that line. This should start the improvement keep telling yourself you are strong and you are going to get better. The main thing is start being active and once you start thinking low thoughts you change them instantly to a thought of doing something or a happy moment with your children.

Start building your strength again you can do it this is only temporary

Regards joe

[Alivefor1320]

My story is a long one.....Yes, I am finally taking an antidepressant and it helps to a certain extent. Basically, it helps to minimize the crying. Although, unfortunately, more often than I care to admit, I find myself taking an alprazolan just to stop feeling anything. I'm not living by myself. I actually moved in with my boyfriend whom I met shortly after my divorce. I'll be honest, he really pressured me to do so and one of the reasons that I, personally, decided it was a good idea is that I thought it would keep me from the daily crying that I did for hours in my own apartment. I mean, you can't very well cry for hours over your ex-husband in front of your boyfriend. We both work from home. I came across this article recently that described the cycle of the verbally abusive relationship. Unfortunately, it really depicted the last 5-10 years of my marriage. (I hate saying out loud that I was verbally abused). Problem is, I pretty much continued to beat myself up where he left off. Then came the regret, the "how did I get here?", the self-blame, the self-blame, the self-blame......I've ruminated for years. I've called my ex-husband in tears, declaring my love for him. Always to be greeted with the smugness of a validated narcissist. (I hate using the "narcissist label") but....it is what it is. His picture should really be next to the definition in the dictionary. I ruminate over the loss of him, who he once was. I'm not sure if I'm personally beyond help at this point. Here's the article and, yes, I did work with a counselor at the Coalition for Domestic Violence for several years. goodtherapy.org/blog/abuse-...

[Mumbutterfly]

I’m 60, have grown sons and a daughter, divorced two years ago after almost forty years, so I can relate to your story. Grieving for your mother while still grieving the loss of what started as a good marriage is probably part of the reason recovery is so hard and long. I’ve heard that recovery from a narcissistic relationship is harder than any other. I think you might be right about not returning to the same therapist. It might help to find one who specializes in trauma therapy and does more than just talk therapy. Hoping you find what you need to get through this.

[Joemama55]

Hi, I know how you feel...... change and loss are so difficult to get over, especially as we get older. I'm 67, and the losses get more frequent as time goes on. It's hard to accept these things that we can't change. I don't know how people do it. Good luck to you with these awful symptoms.