Starrlight4 years ago

I hear you. And I’m sorry ... I know what it’s like to not be understood especially when it comes to the pain endured. Unless you’ve felt it I guess well I guess the understanding is limited.

All we can do is our best and when we feel we are slipping, keep going all the way through to where some of the heaviness leaves and we can breathe again.

How old is your daughter?

I have a 24 year old, 12 year old, 7 year old, all boys.

Skifree in reply to Starrlight4 years ago

13 years old....smart girl, but I have been unable to be there for her physically and mentally as my condition has taken over my life. I have done alot of things with her but I have no feeling happy memories. Her growing up is a big blur in my head.

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Starrlight in reply to Skifree4 years ago

Do you think she has happy memories? I bet being around you means more to her than she might suggest. I know my 12 year old appreciates me even when I can’t feel the happiness that he does , those good memories, but he picks them out and let’s me know in his own way that things are still good. I learn from my kids, and them, from me. I bet you teach your daughter many valuable things. And maybe she can help you stay strong.

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Skifree in reply to Starrlight4 years ago

I have done everything I was capable off, and will keep on doing so. She has my full financial support. But...it seems she has started distancing her self...it may be that age too...but when she was younger she only wanted to spend time with me even when she is supposed to be at he mom's.

Things have changed...but I will do everything in my power to rebuild my relationship she has been my drive for living even in this messed up disease.

Thank you for your thoughts.

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Starrlight in reply to Skifree4 years ago

It sounds like you are doing a really great job... you are doing all you can for her. You care so much, that is evident.

It’s hard to know what to do and say when they are this age. I use my instincts and ask lots of questions and listen carefully.

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NeuronerdDoaty4 years ago

Yeah. These aren’t demons. You’re giving it too much power. You are not your medical chart. You’re a man with some issues.

IMHO you should focus on your personality and daughter. Every human has things that trip them up. These things are just a piece of you. They aren’t who you are. You didn’t tell us a thing about your character.

I have lupus and epilepsy as well. I have 3 bio kids grown up with grandkids. I’m a mom and grandma and daughter and neuroscientist and dog lover. Yes I get depressed and mean sometimes.

It’s faulty brain chemicals. It’s not who I am or what I do or who I love.

I hope you go to therapy. I’ve had some good and bad therapists. Find a good one.

I hope and pray the best for you

Doaty💛

NeuronerdDoaty4 years ago

Ouch. She’s 13. One moment a child and the next moment a woman then back again. I hate to say this but you haven’t even started. My heart is with you! I have two girls and I’m glad they’re grown up. You better stick with us! You’re going to need some female friends. 😘

Skifree4 years ago

Thank you...

Junella4 years ago

You didn't give the age of your daughter, but I am sure she worries about you and feels frustrated not knowing what to do. I remember growing up with a mother who was not happy and going through difficulties after losing a child. It affected my life. What happened is that I did not talk about things with her and withdrew from her and others. As an adult I started having panic spells in my 20s and easily become anxious over many things.

It is more important to care for yourself before you can care ideally for others. It's possible to become dependent on them for your feelings. I have learned not to put too much responsibility on others for happiness; they will always disappoint you even though they might not mean to.

What has kept me from going bonkers has been to have a belief system that I am loved by a God who cares and that I can talk to. This frees me from guilt and gives hope.

Another major discovery is to lead a healthy lifestyle because pills don't really change our bodies or minds. They are like a band-aid and can cause harm for some. We are whole persons who need to understand what affects one affects the other.

Exercise works well for me, getting off harmful foods like sugar products, fats, foods that have little nutrition--eat lots of fruits and vegetables, nuts, seeds, beans. Get regular sleep and calm down before going to bed, listen to nature sounds like ocean waves, practice deep breathing 20 mins daily. Start the day with something positive--a nature video, a prayer. These are the practical things. I trust you have tried CBT therapy. Read as much as you can from experts like Dr. Amen whose book was helpful to me. There is also a lady named Byron with a book entitled The Work. There are hundreds of books on mental and physical health.

If you can afford it, the best thing for you would be three weeks or more at a wellness center that offers counseling. I know a good one in California. I hope some of this helps. It takes great determination.

Shortyluv4 years ago

Hi my im Tanya. I'm also new here I just set up a profile a week ago. I also suffer from similar issues as you. I've got anxiety, depression & I get panic attacks sometimes. It's very tough on me! I'm on here to get help by meeting new people that also suffer from the same issues ,& to also help other people too. If you wanna chat sometime on here get back to me? I'm not sure exactly how it works because I havent done that yet but if you message me back I will set that up? Hope to hear from you take care🙏

Skifree in reply to Shortyluv4 years ago

It has been quite nice to have people you can communicate with. In one day I feel like I have found some new friends. So I can tell you that you can reach out and chat with me whenever you feel like. My life has been turbulent more then ever in past 6 months. As I have decided to let go of only life I have known...which was living waiting to get thru a day. I wanna have a real smile once again and thing to look forward to...be excited again. Past decade or so has just been like watching someone else living, not aware that someone is me. Bless you and looking forward to chatting with u.

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Shortyluv in reply to Skifree4 years ago

Oh yeah I completely understand where you're coming from. Me too my life gas been really difficult in the past year especially. So I can completely relate to you? I really felt completely alone until I found this site. The people on here are really nice & actually seem like they really care? That is what I really needed because in my own personal life I feel nobody really understands me because unless you struggle with anxiety & depression only people like that can relate to you? So I finally feel relief that I'm not the only one & that there is other people out that that can relate to me, that gives me hope in knowing things will get better? Yes please keep in contact with me? I'm also new to this so it's nice to meet you!🙂

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Skifree in reply to Shortyluv4 years ago

I have been battling to join..and it took me a while to write. I have been reading other people stories. I have spent sleepless nights googling whatever I can find on this disease. And yes I have found that healthy lifestyle, good sleep, relaxation, breathing exercises are very important and as intelligent person I completely understand and agree with that. However I am in stage where getting out of bed is an accomplishment, making something to eat is huge, and most importantly getting to all my doctor's appointments is like a mission impossible. Sitting in car scared to even drive thinking that something is going to go wrong. And I may hurt my self or someone else. So it will be quite a journey.

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Tbine4 years ago

Hello Skifree, i have to ask this because it is what makes the difference between overcoming it all, or just trying to live with what haunts you,. How Badly do you want to be rid of all that you mentioned here? I'll explain why i ask this question in another message after your reply.

Skifree in reply to Tbine4 years ago

Tbine I have replied but not sure that my text shows as reply to your question. New to site so my apologies

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Skifree4 years ago

My life looks great from other people perspective. Iv achieved great career, pretty much have everything one would want....what people don't see is the sacrifice I made to achieve all that...and by sacrifice I mean a poison my body to be a functioning human. It has taking me a long time to take my mask off as society is very judgmental of mental illness. So to answer your question its proceed as I did about my life living like a zombie and not wake up one day soon or flip it over and be able to have everything i do or less but wake up clear minded. I have been to rehab which no doctor even mentioned to me as option yet they said I need to stop the pills....and now I'm feeling worse i ever did but at least I'm feeling and I will proceed this way and work to overcome this even if it takes me to grave. I have been walking dead for major part of my life I deserve to live a little.

Sostakovic in reply to Skifree3 years ago

O, man ! You are really having a bad time. I have read all that you wrote. In my opinion, you are suffering from over-medication. I believe that all that poison you ingested over the years has mangled your nervous system. Stay away from doctors and medication ! Seriously ! It will not be easy, but at least you will be on your way to get better. And you WILL get better without the poisons. Read THE ASHTON MANUAL, it is of great help. If I were you, I would include my daughter in the fight for my life without medications. Open your heart to her, tell her all that you are going through and ask her for help.

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Shortyluv4 years ago

Yes I can completely relate to you! The breathing exercises are a life saver! I downloaded an app on meditation for anxiety. So wherever I'm at I can use that if I need? I also have an app to stop panic attacks too. Which I dont get all the time but if it does get there & I can feel it coming on I can stop them! Those are the worst! I do relate to you on not feeling like getting out of bed too, I most of the time only get 4 to 6 hours of sleep a night because if my anxiety. My minds constantly racing, unwanted negative thoughts it just keeps you from sleeping sometimes. It's hard to function on so little sleep. I personally font know anybody in my life where I'm at that struggles with anxiety or depression so it's been really hard on me & I feel alone alot if the time! If it wasnt for this site I would feel even more alone. Reading peoples stories on here was like my life & my issues & how much I can relate to them. It really blew me away! This is the ONLY time I felt like people really understand me & that means alot to me! Not feeling so alone & do miserable thinking uoure the only one that feels this bad actually gives you relief & hope in your life & that things will get better.🙂

Skifree in reply to Shortyluv4 years ago

Thank you. I wish best to you as well. If there is will there is a way.

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Shortyluv4 years ago

Oh no I though my previous message before the one I just sent got accidentally erased! Lol so i sent 2 messages accidentally! My phone is screwing up lol!

Mrspjsmom3 years ago

First of all welcome. It sounds as though you have tried almost everything to treat your anxiety and depression. I'm sorry you haven't found something that has helped. I think one of the worst things about depression and anxiety is what works for one person doesn't help another. Have you ever tried ECT? It's scary and has a bad reputation but in my case it was helpful. Going through all this as a single parent is even worse. I don't know how old your daughter is but as the parent of two adult children I learned as they got older and were better able to understand my mental illness the relationships became less strained. There are two things I do when I'm having an extremely difficult time with my anxiety and depression. Hopefully they will help. First of all I tell myself over and over "I AM ENOUGH ". I do the best I can every day and that is important. Find any statement that works for you and keep repeating it to yourself. Secondly I make an I-DID list. Nothing is too small or insignificant to make the list. I took a shower, I fed the dog, I ate, I brushed my teeth. Writing all of those things down helps me realize the many small things I do that are important. The last thing I do when I am struggling with a panic attack is to take slow deep breaths and tell myself I am safe. These may seem trivial but I hope they help you at least a little. HUGS and BLESSINGS!

Ambien17113 years ago

I was a single mom for 7 years. I know it is hard. I have the vivid dreams too. And the demons. I think there is a pill they can give you for the dreams, ask, IDK what it is called. This is all due to spiritual and psychic attack, a weak aura and low vibes. Embrace your spirituality. Find a belief system that fits YOU and cultivate it. Learn how to use psychic protection. Let each bad thought be just a passing cloud. Surround yourself with A Circle of Mirrors, whose reflections face outwards. They will DEFLECT all negativity. Modern medicine has failed you, Go holistic, natural and spiritual and you will find your strength there. You and your daughter made a contract before coming to Earth that you would have a difficult relationship. Just do your best for her. And I know how it is TOO easy to lose your mind in worry over your child, but remember that they are in our care but they do NOT belong to us, Give her to God, Imagine her safe in His hands. Ask Him to keep her always, and the rest will be taken care of. Not all your trials will go away. BUT-you will have the STRENGTH to go through them! God Bless you!