I haven't posted on here in years. Now I need advice.

[Downandout123]

I suffer from anxiety, social anxiety, and depression. My daughter is getting married this Saturday and I am just a nervous wreck. First of all, I don't do well in crowds, having social anxiety. Second, everyone is going to be coming up to me to congratulate me, and I just don't know how to make small talk with all these people. Another problem-I hate the way I look in my gown. It's a gorgeous gown, but my body should definitely be thinner. Last but not least-I'm too shy to dance. I NEVER dance, so here I am going to be sitting at the table all night looking like an idiot. It's so sad that my only child is getting married and I just can't relax enough to even enjoy it. Any words of advice or wisdom would be greatly appreciated!

[bonkers65]

When I find myself in these situations, I always take a Xanax then just float through it. You'll be fine. Just go with the flow.

[mentalhealthandme]

I understand how you feel but I know it must feel worse since there's all this pressure because it's you're daughter. When my sister got married I had to walk down the isle and smile while arms wrapped with a man I didn't know from her husband's family. There was a photographer taking pics, there were people dancing on the dance floor but I just couldn't. I promise you though you will get through this and you'll be glad. You don't have to dance at all. A lot of people don't like to dance and that's perfectly okay. If it gets really bad if you can get medicine from you're doctor for the day that may help. Best of luck and I bet you do look great in the dress!

[Downandout123 in reply to mentalhealthandme]

Thank you to both of you for responding. I was able to practically BEG my doctor for some Xanax for that day. Other than that, no doctor will prescribe it anymore. It's so terrible to say, but I just wish this wedding was over already. I feel.so guilty for feeling this way.😔

[mentalhealthandme in reply to Downandout123]

It's not you're fault for having anxiety. Please don't feel guilty. You have a condition. If anybody else in the family had this condition they'd feel the same way. It will be over soon and you'll be glad you pulled through. You don't have to feel excited or anything. You clearly care very much about you're daughter so you're very strong going to get medication. I know that can be tough

[Downandout123 in reply to mentalhealthandme]

Thank you very much for your kind words.

[car103]

I was just about to write the same thing as bonkers65. Also, as much as you think people are judging you; most people are busy thinking about themselves and only paying attention to themselves. Find a way to enjoy.

[Downandout123 in reply to car103]

It just makes me feel like such an idiot for not dancing at all. My future son-in-law has said to me more than once that we have to have a dance together. I flat out told him no. Then my daughter said-"Mom, you're not even going to get up for the Tarantella"? That's a certain dance that everyone does at Italian weddings. I told her no. What's WRONG with me? I got up and slow danced, and also danced to the Tarantella at my OWN wedding 100 years ago!! Over the years I've just gotten more and more shy and inhibited. Isn't it supposed to work the other way around as you get older?🙄

[car103 in reply to Downandout123]

You are going to do what you can do. You can explain again the situation to your family and ask them to start being supportive vs berating you. You'd like it to be otherwise (like they do).Easy explanations (not that you really need one) - this is such a big and emotional day, you'd rather sit and drink it all in.

[Shield_Of_Faith]

That sounds exactly like me! This September my younger brother is getting married and I'm the best man so imagining myself on up there near my brother and his going to be now wife.I'm afraid I'll look stupid, I can't dance so I have to sit there while everyone has fun dancing and I look sad and lonely to everyone. Everybody trying to talk to my brother and then his wife then me or maybe they will ignore me completely and I feel like a ghost. My social phobia is going to go crazy in my mind and drive me into a complete panic. So idk what I'm gonna do.

But trust me I know its different because it's your daughter getting married and I'm the best man for my younger brother. But the crowds, the fear, oh boy I understand that too well....

I'm sorry I don't have really any advice but your not alone I get it.

I hope we get through it. 🙏

[Downandout123 in reply to Shield_Of_Faith]

People will definitely not ignore you. The bride, groom, bridal party and parents of the bride and groom are the main focus. I'm sorry to say, but you'll most likely have to dance the first dance with the maid of honor. I keep telling myself to "fake it till I make it", but unfortunately can't do that. It's like my shyness and anxiety paralyze me. I don't think I'd feel half as bad if my daughter hadn't said to me-" So you're just going to sit there?" I'm doing my head in! The wedding is on Saturday!! 🤯 I'm hoping that the combo of some Xanax and alcohol will make me feel better. ( I know not to overdo it though).

[Shield_Of_Faith in reply to Downandout123]

I know, but me being there and having any kind of interaction with the place crowded. Idk how I'm gonna survive.I pray things go well for you though.

Idk what I'm gonna do. I'm hoping I make it through somehow, without having a massive panic attack.

[Hidden]

Oh poor you! I know exactly how you feel! My daughter is due to get married this time next year and you know what it's like they are planning now! Mother of the bride eeeeek! The pressure is on already and like you I'm dreading it and feel terribly ashamed of doing so.

Son in law gorgeous bloke that he is has already started teasing me - they all know I'm shy!

I'm just hoping that the 3 grandchildren there will need my attention (happily!) I hardly drank at my son's wedding was on edge the whole time but it was less formal so in the end no one noticed as they were all so merry, I'm hoping I can escape or have my hands full with grandkids at the opportune moments.

It's horrible but a relief to know that others feel this way too, everyone is congratulating me for next year so it really does feel like wearing a mask, thank you so much for posting this, it's good in a weird way to know I'm not alone.

[Downandout123 in reply to Hidden]

I'm so glad that you came forward and admitted to feeling the same way as I do! This year is going to fly by for you. I remember when the wedding was a year out, now it's here in 4 days!🤯 I'm sure you WILL BE kept busy by your grandchildren, so that's a good thing!

[Hidden]

Hope it all goes well for you!

[Downandout123 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you so much!

[Hidden]

Thanks I hope so! At my son's wedding whilst everyone was dancing I chatted to the people who didn't know others very well ie the distant cousins who really appreciated my speaking to them.

[Downandout123 in reply to Hidden]

That's great! I'll be at the table with my ex husband who doesn't dance, and my cousin and her girls. Don't think my cousin is a big dancer either. Geez I wish this was all over with!!

[Hidden]

Yes I can't wait either, it's such a shame isn't it, I do feel awful but understand the pressure completely!

At least you are with other non dancers. I have faked headaches in the past or mysteriously disappear to the toilet. The funny thing is that no one notices!!!

[Downandout123 in reply to Hidden]

😂😂

[Hidden]

A bout of the the D&V, blame the caterers!

[Downandout123 in reply to Hidden]

😁

[Hidden]

Let us know how you get on!

[Downandout123 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you. I will!

[Sillysausage234]

have a couple of gin and tonic’s and let your feet do the talking

[Downandout123 in reply to Sillysausage234]

Ss how are you??!!🤗 Yes my feet can talk to each other-right underneath the table!

[Sillysausage234 in reply to Downandout123]

Do chair dancing it’s ok people will be too inebriated to realise you didn’t show up when abba came on …..I’m good thanks,I was only wondering how you was getting on a couple of days ago those tulips often show up on the related posts nice to hear you’re ok as such .

[Downandout123 in reply to Sillysausage234]

That's good to hear!! Overall I'm doing much much better than I was a few years ago. I was able to sell my house and the day care back in Nov. 2021 and move into a condo only 15 minutes from my daughter. I'm retired now, and that's not all it's cracked up to be, but still-I can't complain. Not TOO MUCH anyway! Lol

[Hidden]

Haha which feet? The 2 left ones?

[LouisGi]

Oh I can feel you !!! I'm not a doctor but I guess a glass of wine will make you feel better. Just don't over do it !! Just remember the days when everything was ok and go for it ! You can do this!

[Hidden]

Hi and I have been thinking about you. Trust everything went fine!

[Downandout123 in reply to Hidden]

Hi and thanks for inquiring,Well, the day was very hectic, as it is with any wedding. But my daughter looked beautiful and her and her husband had an amazing time. While the bridesmaids and all of us were getting ready, they had alcoholic drinks so I started early! Lol That's why I was ok! I never drink-only if I go out to dinner, or an occasion, so it's not something I do very frequently. But it was nice to have the calming effect of the alcohol. Well, it's all over now and I can just sit back and relax!!🤗

[Hidden in reply to Downandout123]

Well done for getting through! Sounds like it went very well, all helped with a few pre tipples! So glad your daughter and her husband had an amazing time - in the end that's what counts. Very pleased for you. Enjoy your well deserved rest!

Funnily enough my daughter asked me this evening if I want to go on the hen do next June! Here it's a big thing and can be very costly, especially if they go abroad.. The bridesmaids organise it - amongst them my daughter in law who is a great organiser and they have set up a WhatsApp page. I said thanks but no thanks. Lots of hens and 1 ole broiler - not for me!

[Downandout123 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you very much! I wouldn't even know what to do with myself with all those young girls! What an uncomfortable situation it would be!

[Hidden in reply to Downandout123]

haha I quite agree, they are all lovely girls but it's all so different!