4 years studying psychology through pandemics, wars, terrorism, earthquakes, family abuse, zombie apocalypse and an alien invasion to recieve full A on my final exam and a handshake from the head of the psychology department of the second best university in Bulgaria just for my grandmother to tell me anxiety and depression aren't real and I'm just weak. Just for my therapist to laugh at me when i told her i started therapist training (expecting her to be proud i am not staying on my planet and actually making steps) in the Positive psychotherapy current. I can't afford mentally and financially to go to the capital city just because she told me to study CBT not PT. She said i have fear of being dismissed and dismissed me, said i have a fear of being abandoned (which i pre-formulated of fear i will die on the street as a dog, broke and hungry if dad stops my child support and i don't succeed at psychology) and told me i might not be a good psychologist if i listen to what people tell me instead of to her. We did EMDR i just felt hungry and sleepy maybe because i was hungry and sleepy. Now im hungry, sleepy and angry. And don't hit me with the "why you go to her" and "this isn't proffesional". Apparently Bulgaria has worse pscychologists than Africa. Not joking, i have a friend who's a gay-bisexual boy from Africa and he understands all this is crazy. But i have been going to therapists since i was 14, now im about to turn 23, no better therapist than her. I have no body count but i have a serious therapist count. And starting over again, telling a new person all of my bullshit, because i don't have a trauma, a have a 10-tome-memoir of trauma, each thick as War and Peace, i will go broke and nerve-less. And my grandma. "The priest's daughter is your age. She's working (you're not). She's working so much , since little she has been helping in the farm.". Well, with her size and her intelligence, i guess the cows see her as a friend. How can she be comparing us? That girl is the typical balkan battle orc (like my previous roommate) who is undestroyable. She's basically invincible. They use them as tanks in Ukraine. Such balkan creatures, you can't stop even with a machine gun. Don't get me wrong, i weight a lot, my two best friends (both of which that abandoned me for their boyfriends) have EDs and im a huge advocate. But the thing is the priest's daughter and mu ex rommate's confidence is sky high. I might be weak, i might be pathetic, call me anything, but i am intelligent. And i know the higher the intelligence is, the harder is to function (especially in East Europe wich looks more like Warcraft rn). The units with higher intelligence are more vulnerable to anxiety and depression. Lmao, apparently intelligence is a disability. Because i can't work. Idk why my grandmother ( and mother when she's councious) are so concerned about me working when dad's paying for me. And okay compare me, an anxious, depressed, suffering from c-ptsd psychology graduate, to the priest's invincible daughter but dare to compare my sister to the priest's other and it's like that verse in Falling in Reverse's Popular monster "okay mf, now u got my attention". Like my sister draws on paper, digital and on glass and gets less respect than Van Gogh alive but the priest's daughter draw an earthquake (caused by her older sister sneezing 
) and she's the big deal, winning a prize. You can be a genius but unless you have a prize, ur a failure. East European parents are pretty much like Asian parents but asian parents would be proud of me (straight A doctor) while balkan parents just traumatize u for their own sake. East just wake up and chose violence. Look at Putin. We're not in Europe, we're in Gondor. Mordor. But seeing what is going on in America, kinda scared to move and west Europe is expensive. If i wasn't tanky myself and too old (22), i would go to Korea to be the first white kpop rapper and dancer. My visuals and vocals are weak, grandpa has been telling me since i was 5 and I wanted to be a ballerina and a model. And okay so you can insult me but if you insult sis , now you have a problem. My sister does art, plays bass guitar, studies biochemistry while our parents share nothing but a braincell. And then they say our generation is messed. In 90s and 2000s movies the teens were getting drunk and pregnant. What did my parents did in '99?- Got drunk and pregnant. What did my parents did in 2020- one drunk, other making a baby. It's not the age, it's the generation. I'm 22 and all i talk about is mental health and orcs. Ik i describe it comedic but im bout to pull out a Harley Quinn being a psychologist going psycho without ologist. And communist boomers. They just don't understand im mentally ill until i really pull out a Harley Quinn. I'm furious rn. They be like "ur generation is so weak". Yeah, i guess we raised ourselves, we made ourselves. "Democracy ruined everything". Yeah, I'm born in 2000 but at 1989 i personally putted the end of communism. The fall of the Berlin wall? My work. I did it myself 11 years before being born because i would really enjoy brainwashed elderly screaming at me at the bus for being "brainwashed by technology" while job recruiters expect me to be coding programs in Java Script, Python, Anaconda, Black mamba and all kinds of computer languages named after snakes, while coding AI and speaking Croatian and Cantonese.
The next time a grandparent tells me depression and anxiety aren't real, i will eat my diploma. The next time i hear "you're mentally ill, how can u be a therapist", i will eat my diploma. Which btw i will recieve may 2024 for idk whose's sake reason but i suspect communist graduation celebrations. The next time i hear im pathetic, weak, worthless, a burden and good for nothing, i will eat my diploma.
