Endless cycles

[Gradients-of-Blue]

I was in therapy, and we talked about emotions and my problem with attempting to be vulnerable.I get frustrated and even if the initial problem is resolved, it lingers. Therapist states that it's because of a deeper emotion. All I can conclude is that I feel helpless. I do feel this way with a lot of things but it doesn't seem like it can be eased. Family dying, people are difficult to rely on, emotions aren't something you can control, there is not a single thing you can realistically control. So if my feelings of helplessness is what is stopping me from making friends, connecting with loved ones, and these intense bouts of depression. Then what am I suppose to do. It's frustrating because I am trying to climb a wall as water fills at my feat threatening me, and this wall is just the issues we face in life.

So what does this mean. That realistically I will never be done with intense depression spirals? that if I am able to connect with a person it will only be surface level?

I'm frustrated

[Marysblue]

I think with more therapy you'll be able to process some of this and not feel so helpless. There's a learned helplessness with depression. But you can get better.

[Tealpillow]

That sounds like our familiar enemy depression talking - you are right that we can spiral 🌀 but in my experience, the depression comes in waves. Last week I was crying everyday and this week I feel great. It’s so weird!

I’m not sure how long you’ve been in therapy but I think it’s normal to go through all these thoughts and questions. In time your therapist should be able to give you tools to cope.

I wish you all the best - I know the agony of depression. Hugs.

[Gradients-of-Blue in reply to Tealpillow]

Very much appreciate the hugs and words <3

[designguy]

Don't know if you have tried medication for depression but it might help smooth things out for you. Unfortunately it can be a trial and error process. I went through a half dozen different meds before finding a med that worked for me. I did a psychopharmacological test that used my dna to determine which meds were best suited for me genetically and started on one it recommended and it has worked well. The test also showed that none of the meds I had tried before were right for me. My test was from Genesight and paid for by my insurance.

[Gradients-of-Blue in reply to designguy]

I will try that, I was on one but it got worse and due to me moving, I just decided to wait until I'm moved to try again.

[akbj in reply to designguy]

Oh wow, it sounds like the Genesight test worked very well for you! I've wanted to try it & brought it up with an NP I saw at my mental health clinic but I don't think they do it there. I've taken many, many different medications over the years that weren't effective. I believe the Genesight test could help eliminate a lot of trial & error. No one has ever suggested it to me & I felt blown off when I did bring it up.

[designguy in reply to akbj]

It definitely helped me, I think it has to be prescribed by a medical doctor, psychiatrist or psych med practitioner but you could check with Genesight. My test came from a psych functional medicine practitioner. I did mine a few years ago and there may be other brands available now.