Extreme headache and always feeling feverish. I don't think I can get my exam feeling like that

[Against_the_current]

And health system here sucks. I feel like im having a stroke. Insane headache and dizzyness, tight veins, veins spasm. Too much living in survival mode but what can i do - can't go to dad's, mom's scaring me with her drinking saying that if she wasn't drinking she would do something worse, my accommodation makes me sick, people move in and out the room next to mine, none of my kitchen devices work. Idk what to do with myself. And all my friends leave me and go on with their lives, find boyfriends, jobs, study. I can't even function. I used to have an online boyfriend that was my only support system outside here but i didn't text for like 3 days because my depression beated me up and he lost all feelings. Even though i explained i am not well. He said I'm not interested in anything, well, im depressed, that's how it works Sherlock. And he started being cold without giving me an answer why while a wrote a PhD thesis on how depression functions. Some other guy from his country said people there can get 4 wives. I was dead on the floor. Like "ik im depressed but wth is going on with you people?!" One day adore me, the next day ice cold. One day adore me, two years later popping out of nowhere to tell me mf could get 4 wives. I guess i need to stop accepting help from this region as they take advantage of me needing help, play my dopamine, play hot and cold and then dissapear. A b c d e f..orget em. There are better people. I had totally lost hope then i got cute message here. Thank you. Alright back to the topic my head hurts like freaking hell and every vein is spasming, i can't take my exam, idk where to live. I just had an encounter with the health system, just felt worse. Scared if i have something serious going on with my brain. I always feel feverish and having a headache. Can't even sleep because of it. Only aspirin helps. But it doesn't eaae the pain in my neck. I feel like im dying and like cities that are not mom's city are hostile. You get eaten alive by brokers and mlm scheme recruiters and so. And I need reassurance. But all my "friends"(from university) gave up o n me and are living happily ever after. Who am i? Am i really that terrible? Or do they just lost empathy? Benefit out of me as im no longer of academic help with my headache? Hmmm need benefits just to show some humanity. Everyone. Bring back kindness,❤️

Hope you don't think anything bad of me. I'm just staying alone either with mom or in mmy accommodation since years. Struggling. Worried why am i so dizzy and derrealised. I can't work or study like that. Can't be beneficial to society. And society will kick me out on the street. My own hobbies make me nauseous. The things i do to distract myself from being nauseous, make me nauseous. Everything irritates me. Probably i have some unconscious memories of summer sickness. Everything makes me nauseous

[Tealpillow]

4 wives?! Yeah … no thanks on that one. May I ask, have you tried antianxiety medications just to help you get through the worst of the emotional roller coaster?

[Against_the_current in reply to Tealpillow]

Ikr! I guess in islam they can have 4 wives. I was dead on the floor hearing this. I'm on medication since i was 16 so 6 ...damn when did these years pass

[Starrlight]

So sorry you are sick on top of depression and anxiety. Wishing you’ll feel well soon.

[Against_the_current in reply to Starrlight]

Thanks but idk whether it's a sickness or something went wrong with me

[Starrlight in reply to Against_the_current]

hmmm what do you mean something might have gone wrong with you? During operation you mean? I used to feel sick always and thought it was mental finally I figured out I can’t have gluten. I hope you find out what is wrong.

[Against_the_current in reply to Starrlight]

Thank you

[SoporRose]

It’s not been a few days since your operation, so I think there’s a good chance you will feel better. When do you see the doctor? Your nausea maybe worse than usual from nasal drainage from your operation. Tell your doctor about all your physical symptoms without mentioning the mental illness so the doctor won’t blame your symptoms on anxiety and depression. Might allergies be making your symptoms worse? Might an antihistamine or decongestant help?

I am sorry you feel so wretched when you need to be studying!

[Against_the_current in reply to SoporRose]

I can't see a doctor for free that's not my GP and she knows i have anxiety. I tried seeing another doctor and she just told me mint drops. My nose is terrible. Running more than ever, my throat hurts. And meanwhile mom showed me why I didn't want to stay here, gave me drunk speech, hated on my extremely talented sister who has an animation competition and her laptop stopped and im frozen in fear, sis is crying, mom's dead asleep

[SoporRose]

I suggest that even if you're seeing a doctor who knows about your anxiety, that you focus on the physical symptoms and don't give the doctor an excuse to blame your panic.

I know I wrote this in response to your earlier post, but of what specifically are you afraid? I'm not questioning the validity of your response, but I think it will help you to spell out what you're afraid will happen and it will help us know how to respond and support you.

Ruth

[Against_the_current in reply to SoporRose]

I'm afraid of mom going crazy and abusing sis who's the best kid ever and doesn't deserve it. Also the health system here is terrible. They couldn't even cure a runny nose. "Go to doctor 1, go to doctor 2, go to doctor 3, then back to 1, then you either are "okay" or dying or need a surgery. All of this is extreme anxiety especially when my gp is in my hometown and i can't get sent to other doctors for free.

[SoporRose in reply to Against_the_current]

I hope you have told your sister how highly you think of her and her talents. Just knowing that you have confidence in her ability to succeed can help her maintain her sanity and integrity of self. I love how much you care for your sis.

Does your sister say she feels abused? What does she say she needs in terms of support from you? Is there a way you two can band together to help each other? What do mean when you say you're afraid your mom will go crazy? What kinds of behaviours do you think she'll exhibit? What has your sister observed? Which of those behaviours does your sister find harmful? She's old enough to have a sense of what help and support she needs, no?

Can you separate out how much of what you feel is about your sister and how much has to do with everything you felt growing up with your mom? It's natural that there is likely to be some overlap. I have always had a lot of allergies and I tend to think of reactions to things that might cause emotional distress as being like allergies: some people have severe, real, life-threatening reactions to a situation or to someone's behaviours while others get through that situation without being harmed. Both experiences are genuine. Your sister may not react as strongly to your mother as you. There's one big difference between the two of you: your sister has always had a big sister to love her; you didn't have that cushion.

Health care is not much better here in the U.S. now. We have a terrible shortage of health care professionals and usually only annual check-ups are covered by our insurance until we've paid out thousands and thousands of dollars to meet a deductible. And many people can't afford insurance but make more money than allows them to qualify for government assistance. It's almost impossible to find mental health care professionals with openings. A young friend of mine decided to commit herself to a mental health facility because she couldn't get in to see a psychiatrist to get her medications prescribed (she tried for about nine months) and ended up having the nurses there hand her a binder to lead a group session because one nurse didn't have her glasses and couldn't read the information and the other nurse didn't know how to lead the group!

Getting bounced from doctor to doctor is also common here, but one's gp has to request every bounce first and then the insurance company gets to decide if they'll pay for the appointment or the medication or the procedure. Sometimes insurance will pay only part; often they refuse to pay anything.

I hope you can hang in there until you see the doctor for your follow-up visit. It still sounds as if it's better for you to be with your mom and sister than to be alone in that apartment with its non-functional kitchen and parade of tenents.

[Against_the_current in reply to SoporRose]

Yeah. Just my doctor is there so i have to go there. I have to visit him on 16th which means i have to go back at 15th and imscared if i recover enough to live in that misery with disfunctional kitchen and parade of tements. Really good description. And I have a training on 17-18. I'm sorry the health system there is also bad.

I always try to hype her up but she has no time. I guess my perspectives of younger myself being abused by mom is overlapping. I can't discuss it with her much because it's a sensetive topic and only gets worse. She's also not telling me when mom acts out. I found out from Grandma once that she ran away

[SoporRose]

I wonder if your sister feels like you have so many of your own problems taht she can't ask you for help. That may be true. If it is, then keep your focus on taking care of yourself.

[Against_the_current in reply to SoporRose]

I don't want her to feel this way , 😞. I really can't help her without getting stable myself but it's sad she saw it

[SoporRose in reply to Against_the_current]

Perhaps. But if she also sees you pass your exam and move on with your life, you'll be showing her how strong you are and how she can follow in your footsteps.