Alone

[Pinkeye901]

These are my thoughts and how I feel. Not looking for pity or sympathy. Just want to share so we don't feel alone. WARNING!

What's my purpose?

Who am I?

Why am I still here?

Why do I feel so alone?

Does anyone care at all?

Why am I ugly?

Does God hate ugly people?

Why me?

What did I do to deserve this?

Should I leave or should i stay?

Why is it so hard for me to just live a normal life?

Will anyone remember ugly people when they die?

Does God accept ugly ppl into heaven?

Does God even care?

Why have others prayers been answered but not mine?

Am I praying wrong or not enough?

Will I end up all alone in the end?

Why hasn't God healed me yet from my anxiety and clinical depression?

Is God real or just made up?

If God is real can I go home already?

Is God a male/female or just a holy spirit?

Am I the only one who's feeling this miserable?

When will God take me?

Why is my life so hard?

Why am I always crying?

When is enough enough?

Will I ever be happy ever again?

Will I ever meet and find him/her?

Will I have kids?

Am I stuck in this crappy place forever?

Why create us if you know that we're sinful?

When will you answer me god?

Did God abandoned us or is he simply just not there?

Why do I always have to be the one who gets hurt?

Why do I feel like God hates me?

Will I ever find peace?

When will all this madness in my head disappear?

Am I destined to be alone forever?

Why am I always terrified?

Why do I hate ppl?

Why do I feel exhausted and fatigued all the time?

Why can't I just disappear?

Why was I born?

Why am I rejected and unwanted?

Do I even deserve to be loved?

Why do I hate myself so much?

Why is my life so boring?

Why does it feel like ppl hate me so much when I'm around!

Why do I feel like everything is always my fault?

Why do I question everything so much?

Will I ever be normal again?

Well these are my thoughts and feelings as well as real life. I'm different. An outcast among outcast. Lonely and miserable. Still hoping for the sun to rise and shine once again.

My routine is the same, Cry, sleep, eat, and restroom. Lots of lonely nights. I wish and pray everyday that god would take me home. The future looks bleak. I'm scared and terrified of the unknown.

Feel like I'm a huge burden on society, my family, and God. Hate looking at myself in the mirror. Tired of pretending everythings ok. My life is a mess and everything seems chaotic. Feel like life would just be better without me in it. Welcome to my life guys hope you don't feel so alone. Peace and love.

[Gopaljee]

Become my friend first

I will change you

You are in need of a person like me.

[Pinkeye901 in reply to Gopaljee]

Hi sure thing what's up.

[Gopaljee in reply to Pinkeye901]

9031489219. is my whatsapp

[Gopaljee in reply to Gopaljee]

Your whatsapp no please

[Hidden]

Forget this guy who wants your phone number. A lot of these questions you have are not easy to answer. Sometimes it boils down to why ask why??? We have to accept where we are at. I'm in a tough place myself, I'm a 50 year old woman and I'm living back at my parents house, I have no kids and I left a 20 year relationship because I just didn't want to be around my significant other anymore. Now I have to be around my toxic dad again and that's not easy. In life, you play the hand you were dealt. What's something you can do today to make yourself feel better??? Like play some positive music, go for a walk, listen to something inspiring!!! On YouTube sometimes I like to hear speeches on channels like The Outcome and Fearless Soul, maybe that could help you. Try to get out of a negative mindset- and I have to do the same thing!!! I'm not going to get into what I think about God, but I will say the Lord helps those who help themselves!!! Maybe you feel so depressed right now you feel like you can't do much of anything and that's okay, but at least try to listen to something positive or try to read a good self help book, try to lift this mood your in. What do you have to be grateful for??? I have faith that you can turn this thinking around!!!! What do you like about yourself???

[Pinkeye901 in reply to Hidden]

Hey appreciate your concerns and advice as well. Mental illness isn't a joke and it's very hard. I really want to to Hank you for taking the time to write to me. Ill take what you wrote at heart and try to be thankful again ty.

[Hidden in reply to Pinkeye901]

I'm really down myself right now. Don't think that I don't understand. I'm in a sea of despair right now myself. A song that helps me a lot when I'm in a funk is Second Wind by Billy Joel. Go to YouTube and check it out, let me know if it helps. I think I need to go watch it!!!☺

[TangledUpIn in reply to Hidden]

It can be very hard to be around parents for extended periods- I know because I finally went home after 30 years. My parents about drove me crazy! My mom especially is super difficult to be around. Anyway, just wanted to let you know that I've been there with my parents too. Hang in there😉

[Hidden]

I'm sorry you have so many negative thoughts to deal with. I think that's the something we all have to fight off. Unfortunately, it's hard to feel good enought to fight these thoughts when you suffer from depression or anxiety. You have to work hard at it, but it can get better. Keeping negativity under control, for me, is sometimes a full time job. I am constantly researching, reading, distracting myself and doing mindful meditation to stay out of "negative land". I'm not saying I never go there, because I do plenty of times!. I have a whole list of questions that include many of yours and quite a few more of my own. But, I'm not going to stop trying because I don't want to live that way anymore. I'm tired of it. I'm tired of being in that hole! Don't give in to the negativity. Try to argue at least one of those questions in your mind. You are a beatiful person! I can already see you have the quality of humility or you wouldn't be posting your deepest feelings here. I bet there are a lot of other things beautiful about you. Try to focus on those and don't ever give up!

[Pinkeye901 in reply to Hidden]

Yea I agree with you both. I have to try real real hard. It's so tough can't lie, but thanks for the advice because without you guys how will we all survive. So again think you guys from the botty of my ❤️ really appreciate it. ty have a good day