I was recently diagnosed with having depression and anxiety. This all came about after I had to rehome twenty-five cats, I was caring for due to some circumstances that may lead to my incarceration for several years. I have no spouse or children of my own, the cats were like my family. I wanted the best for them, so I called a lady who ran a cat sanctuary, she came and picked them up and, on her way, home suffered a medical emergency, so she had to close her doors I had thought of waiting to contact her, but something told me to send her a message, so I did. I Know if I would have waited the cats would have ended up in a shelter or thrown outside. I tell myself God played a role in that to happen of her taking my cats.
My doctor prescribed me Lexapro for depression and Hydroxyzine for anxiety. I was taking the Lexapro for five days and that caused me to have insomnia I only slept for a total of three hours during that time . On the Sixth day/ morning I had severe thoughts of suicide leading me to get a hunting rifle and load it and put it between my legs ready to shoot myself in the head. I then had a late friend who committed suicide 13 years ago in the same manner sit beside me and tell me it wasn't worth it. I have never been so scared in my life as I was at that moment.
I have these thoughts of death, suicide and the fear of dying as well as the fear of living. My sleep is horrible, and my anxiety gets bad every time I think of or see something that reminds me of my cats. I know they are safe, but I just miss them so much four of them were seven years old and I had bottle fed them since babies after their mom was hit on the road.
I feel if I could cry, I would feel better but every time something reminds me, or I think about them I push it back in my mind and keep going. How can I release my emotions to feel better. Thank you for letting me vent
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Sadandlonely23
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In Michael Singer's book The untethered soul, he says to sit and let the emotion rise up, from your chest til it leaves thru the top of your head. Observe it. It will then be released. He says our feelings want to come out, like a thorn in the flesh will work itself up and out.I'm not a cat person but I lost my dog many years ago and it was so painful I never wanted another one to have to go through that again. Please keep reaching out for help when you feel these darkest thoughts. Call the suicide hotline or your therapist. And we are here for you.
I hope it gets easier with time. I have the same reaction with many SSRI antidepressants. Insomnia is horrible. I would let my doctor know I'm not sleeping and what it's doing to you. It's scary what you're going through. Please take care.
It sounds like you are very depressed and anxious. If you continue to feel suicidal please call your doctor or the suicide hotline immediately.
You've mentioned a lot of very negative side effects from your medication. Perhaps you could try a new medication and see if that's any better. Prescribing antidepressants is almost a trial and error process, and many people need to go through two or three different medications until they find one that works and has minimal side effects.
In the meantime you can do basic relaxation techniques such as deep breathing, meditation, and mindfulness. Also, please read the book Feeling Great by David Burns. It will teach you how to do cognitive therapy behavior for yourself so that you can treat yourself and deal with your problems.
One of the main symptoms of depression is the feeling that one is helpless and hopeless. By starting to do some treatment for yourself, you will begin to feel better simply because you are doing something to help yourself.
I'm sorry you're feeling so bad. All the med inserts say that if you start having suicidal thoughts, call your doctor. The Lexapro could be making things worse.Is there any way you could have just one cat? Pets do help us a lot. Since you love cats so much, maybe you could get involved with a rescue group where they catch the strays, get them spayed or neutered, and release them. That would give you purpose and meaning and friendship with others that share your compassion for animals. I pray you feel better soon 🙏
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Tired of Anxiety and feeling Guilty.. 
Tired of feeling this way
Feeling hurt
Tired of anxiety 
