Scared, hurt, depressed, tired.

[Jeepjustin]

Never been great finding love but for some reason I always search for it. Been in 3 relationships but the last one really left me in a bad place. It all started when I found a new woman at work really attractive and unique. Thought luck was on my side when stumbled upon her profile on a dating app. Started talking, went on a few dates, then made it official. Never have I ever felt this amount of love for someone. In the four years together I did everything and anything to be able to spend as much time with her. I didn't want her to move in for at least one year but within 3 months of knowing each other she used covid as a reason to (she was living with her elderly mom who has health issues and said going back and forth would put her at risk). And I just allowed her to move in and I felt like it was the best decision ever. I was the happiest I ever been. She lived with me for four years. We traveled to so many places. Ate at all the restaurants we could. Concerts, comedy shows, fairs, you name it we either did it or it was on our list. Sure we had an argument every once in a while but always seemed to talk through it. Was there red flags at some points...probably. Did I see them, nope. I trusted her so much how could I? She wouldn't ever hurt me! Well she stayed over at one of her friends house for a girls night and the next day she's standing in the kitchen and says "I can't do this anymore, I'm leaving you". I asked why? I begged to stay. I offered her space and time. Every response didn't really make sense. She said she wanted a place of her own. She says she has lost herself over the past few years. She said she wants more time alone. Then she says she wants more time with her friends. I honestly thought she was having some sort of breakdown, midlife crisis, or other stresses from family or work making her want to all of a sudden disappear. I realized I need to give her space and let her be. She stayed for a day or two. We barely talked. I was so confused and just didn't understand why. Helped her move her things out to the moving truck about 45days later. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't focus, I couldn't eat...so I starting digging and looking for answers. Well I found out going back at least a year ago she was secretly seeing another man. A man that I work with. I don't know how often and what happened 100% but there was "girls nights" with this man. She even went on a weekend vacation with him while I was thinking she was with her friends. Then I found out there was a plan they put into place. They worked in the same office and couldn't be in a relationship while working so close together. He transfered departments about a month before she left me. The first night at her new apartment he was there. They planned this whole thing and moved in together and made sure working together won't be am issue since they now are in different departments. I confronted her and she only admitted to seeing him secretly. Spoke to her friend and she would only confirm that what I found out was true. Her friend said she felt guilty not telling me but it wasn't for her to tell. It's been about 3 months since she left. I have to see both of them every day and a part of me is thinking together they may come up with a story or something to get me fired. I can barely sleep now, I have no appetite, I can't find enjoyment out of anything. I lost 45lbs since she left. Everywhere I go something reminds me of her and then it reminds me of how betrayed I feel. I blocked her number and when I have to cross paths with her I can't look at her. I talked to friends and family but that doesn't seem to help. I just don't know how I am ever going to get out of this hole. Here I am laying in bed again just wondering why. Why me. Please let this just be my worst nightmare, but every morning I wake up and realize this is actually happening. I love her so damn much I wish I could just hold her and cry for hours. But what is done is done and the relationship between me and her is over forever. I honestly don't even know what to ask of anyone. I guess if there is a way to move on I haven't found it yet. If anyone could give me some insight or help on how to that would be great.

[Dolphin14]

Hi

I'm reading how hurt you are and I'm sorry you are going through this. Break ups are hard; especially when they come out of nowhere,

In all honesty I feel she moved in for all the wrong reasons. It sounded like more of convenience on her part.

There is a grieving process you have to go through, The end of a relationship of any kind requires a big adjustment period.

I'm sorry this happened. In time I hope you will heal and find peace

🐬

[Wishfulthoughts]

Often I wonder what have I done to deserve what has befallen me as of late. I read your story and all I can say is you absolutely deserve better. I am so sorry that someone hurt you and betrayed your trust. I don't know how to move on from my own relationship I'm still sitting in bed right next to someone indifferent to me because i don't yet have anywhere else to go. I deserve someone who loves me with the purity and passion I love them and so do you. I've only lost 20 lbs but we have to try to eat. We have to try to find a way to see thru the deceit and know that we cannot punish ourselves for what we didn't know we should have been looking for. Please feel free to message me. I think we are feeling very similar pain, and I ache hearing how you hurt because I understand completely. The acceptance of the loss of the future we hoped for is so hard. It's okay to cry, give yourself the space to grieve because this is grief. Everyone acts like when someone wrongs us we should be able to just block them and not care but the heart cant often get on board with the minds plan. Love lingers beyond the initial injury. My heart goes out to you 💓

[Jeepjustin in reply to Wishfulthoughts]

Thanks everyone for taking the time to hear me and give me your warm responses. For now I feel like the only thing that seems to work and get me out of bed is to just accept what happened has already happened and what comes next us out of my control. But no matter how bad it gets I will just have to suffer through it until one day I feel like the worst has passed. Still can't cope with how I gave someone so much trust and love to have them do something this bad and ruin me. Maybe she thought I wouldn't find out? I just don't get how she could have ever thought that was possible. Before she left she cried and told me I was a great guy and i took excellent care of her... I just don't get it. If I was such a good guy why do this to me. I get people can change and loose feelings or that spark they felt. Why not talk and leave with some compassion and care? Maybe to make sure there was no coming back? My mind is constantly searching for the answer I will most likely never get. I hope one day my mind and heart accept this so I can be myself again. Until then... thanks again for listening. It oddly feels nice being heard from people I have never met.

[Nothing_but_books in reply to Jeepjustin]

I'm sorry this happened to you. I wish I could comfort you with words -- but I think only time may help. Please try not to search yourself for reasons of what you did wrong. You'll need that energy to get through the days and nights ahead.

Sometimes I curse the man that betrayed me; sometimes I just cry.

youtube.com/watch?v=Gd8tsMq...(Not working as expected?)

[Aberidha]

Hi Jewpjustin, I just want to say I know what you are going through. When I was in high school I had a crush on my childhood best friend, but she moved to Brazil during my senior year and then married a guy in Florida. I’ve struggled to move on for 9 years. Only now I’m doing something about it. There’s always hope for us, and know there are plenty of women out there. Best way I dealt with this is video games and meditation. As well as pets dogs are very therapeutic so