Hello, this is my first post. I have been battling depression and anxiety for years. Most recently my depression has been so bad that I literally could not function at work or home. I have taken a leave from work for three weeks to try and get back on track. I struggled with the feeling of absolute worthlessness, guilt and constant ruminating thoughts. I feel so alone like there is no one that understands and that I have disappointed everyone. II am suppose to return to work next Monday; and I already am having such extreme anxiety. I work as a peer support. How can I do that when I myself have been falling apart? I know all of the coping, meditation, ways to get back on track but guiding someone else when your not feeling OK yourself?
I have adult children, step children and 14 grandchildren. I recently remarried after being together for several years. Sleeping seems to be the best way to numb all the thoughts in my head. There is so much going on in my personal life with my children, grandchildren and mom and brother. I also have been struggling with some co-workers. Just writing this all down causes me anxiety because of not wanting to be judged or thought of as attention seeking. I usually try to deal with these things on my own. I at a young age became care taker of my siblings and was a young mom. I tend to be the fixer, the one that everyone counts on to take care of things; also the one who gets the blame when they are angry. I apologize for my rambling. I am hoping to make some connection here or that I can help support someone else with my lived experiences.
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wellchick
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Welcome. Your share is very authentic. I appreciate your honesty. Like you, I feel like I need to accommodate everyone. I’m the fixer. Trying to keep everyone happy and on track. Don’t worry about what anyone thinks of your posts or replies. No one can judge you.
Wow! If I were as busy as you I would be on my knees! Sounds to me as if you are having doubts about your capabilities as a support worker, and with everything else, I think you should probably unload a bit or you may burn out.
Is there any way your family could take some of the family pressure off you? Then you could give more attention to your clients. Try to ignore the co-workers, they are probably jealous.
We are a friendly and helpful bunch here, but, occasionally there is a misunderstanding, so don't lose confidence. Welcome to the Crowd!
Wow, I feel exhausted just reading your post…seriously though, I am sorry you haven’t been well. Hope you feel better soon and that there is someone for you to lean on, always being a fixer really takes it out of one. Welcome to the group.
Let me say welcome to the group. I think you will find a lot of people understand you and what you are going through here. You are very much not alone here.
None of the things that you have said are outside of the depression and anxiety that you feel. In fact many people feel the way that you do. Like most people with anxiety tend to apologize a lot and feel guilty about expressing their true feelings. You don't need to apologize for that. Your feelings are very valid. You are not attention seeking or trying to get sympathy for no reason. Again, your feelings are valid. It is tough to work the kind of job that you do. And it does weigh heavy on the soul. Being a peer support. You have to listen to stories that may be upsetting. Not to mention as you said you have problems of your own going on at home. My only suggestion with work is to compartmentalize. As my doctor wants told me to cope with being a doctor, she compartmentalizes. She uses her profession to break down why this person got sick or passed away. It's not that she doesn't care for the person. It's that she cares too much.
You said something about how can I help people when you yourself are falling apart. It made me think of a quote "Be the moon and inspire people, even when you're far from full." - K. Tolone 🌘
You can still be of use and still help people despite the way that you're feeling. Even right now you are helping someone who is reading your post. You may be giving them the courage to join this group and to write out their feelings ❤️
As for family issues, I can relate to that. In fact most of us can. You will find a lot of misfit toys here. It's hard and it is difficult because you do love and care for these people. And I don't know what your situation is with your family. I can just speak from mine that it was difficult at least for my mother to cut off my sister. But it was necessary to save her sanity. My sister is a very toxic woman. She doesn't bring anything good to the table. And our mother has her own problems and health problems. In the end it was the very best decision but by no means an easy decision. Sometimes you have to do that. And sometimes you have to be honest with people. Even in your family. About your limitations. And don't feel bad that you have limitations. Limitations are not weakness. We all have them. There are things we can do and things we cannot do. You are not weak. And we all need help sometimes to carry a heavy load.
If you haven't already I suggest maybe reaching out to a psychologist or therapist that you can see on a regular basis and go over these issues and feelings you're battling with. In the meantime you have this group please feel free to share whatever it is you want to share. We're open 24/7 ❤️🫂
Depression is a deep well with mirrored walls. It's impossible to just climb out of. Plus, there are all those inner reflections staring at you as you try to claw your way out.
I don't know how you fell into the well. It's not particularly critical for me to know anyway. What I do know is that it most often requires someone to reach down and give you a hand up. Sadly, it's difficult to be heard screaming from the well for help. Even when people hear the cry for help, they don't recognize it as such.
I'm not sure I can be that person to give you a hand-up. Nor do I know if you can give me the hand-up that I so desperately need. But I thought that since we're both sitting down here in this well, we could at least talk to each other about it.
I too was the one that my siblings turned to for guidance. My parents also depended on my strength and guidance. As a leader I was sought after for guidance and wisdom. I have helped many lost souls. None of that seems to have prevented me from falling into this well in which I currently reside.
You said that you work as a Peer Support person, so I don't need to tell you what that job entails. There is one of the qualifications I need to post here.
-Lived experience with mental health conditions, substance abuse, or trauma.
No doubt you already know this. This is a necessary qualification because Peer Support is more than just empathy or knowing which direction to point a person for help. It is required because as a Peer Support it is vital that you understand that a mental health condition can't just be turned off.
In fact, the reason you are here, as am I, is because you know that the people you talk to on this site understand their mental health condition can't be turned off as if it were a switch.
Talking with someone isn't the same as professional help. But I dare you to tell the person sitting in the raft with you, stranded at sea, that having someone to talk to isn't helpful. It won't get you rescued, but it might keep you from jumping in the water with the sharks.
I'm a good listener. I suspect you are as well. If you need someone to talk to, I'm not going anywhere as I'm trapped in this well with nowhere to go. Besides, I've been around the world many times. At the very least I have some delightful stories.
Hello there....I can relate to everything you say.Depression is a disease....none of what you talk about is your fault.
I wish there was somebody to help you instead of you doing all the helping.
You are not alone in your suffering. I know you feel alone but so many people don't talk about their anxiety and depression because they do not want to be judged.
If there is anyone you can ask for help, maybe think about asking.
It sounds like you have way too much on your plate.
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