I feel like I’ve let everyone down , because I’m depressed anxious all the time . I wish I could make my dad and step mom proud , but how can I when I barely have the motivation to do anything . It’s so hard to get out of bed . I get severe anxiety when I shower and have to get out. Whys life this way for me ? Why can’t I be happy ? Why can’t I enjoy what others enjoy . Why can’t I hang out with my family without being antisocial and getting anxious. I feel that I’m slowly fading away with my thoughts , they come and take over . I try to tell myself hey I’ll deal with those thoughts later but that doesn’t seem to work. I feel helpless ... the only thing that makes me wanna live is my anxiety medication that makes me relax and not care about everything. I can drive when I take it I can be social and take a shower . I just don’t understand why or how I got anxiety or depression. I realized I was depressed in sixth grade when my mom first got arrested. Then after that it just continued. That’s when I self harmed and didn’t eat I’d wear long sleeve everyday to hide them.
I’m not feeling that great right now .
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Spirit19
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I understand....maybe....not motivated to be social is better than anti-social...anyway..I heard a recording from Dr. Weekes a couple years ago and just came across it again from one of the fellow members here.
A long time ago, you had the spirit of being a child ripped out from under you.
Even now, that child inside you still cries for someone to love them unconditionally
as each child should. With the right counseling, you can be mended but it will take time. Time for you to trust in others again. That's not an easy task. You are numb to
any emotional feelings, because you're afraid to trust. After all you were not recognized as a child. A child needs nurturing, love and stability which you didn't have. I think you more than understand where your feelings come from but don't want to admit to them because it opens up
the scars you are trying to hide or forget about. x
I’ve become emotionally numb ever since I got on all these medications. My step mom tries her hardest to replace my mom but to me she will never replace her ...
When I was on medication, I too was emotionally numb. Unfortunately that's one of the effects of the medication. Numbing your feelings is important in calming down the over sensitized nervous system and allowing you to go forward in healing.
Hello Spirit19! I know how you feel and wish I didn't. It seems as if there is nothing I enjoy these days other than lying down and reading a book to escape. I just keep trying each day to get up and find something that will pique my interest. I know someday I will find it. Hang in there!
Yup same here. Except I can’t lay in bed, I get so anxious, tossing and turning I need to get up. I get dressed and I pace around unable to focus on anything. I take Doxepin to help with sleep, but even on the weekends I’m up by six. I hate it, and it happens every morning, by far the worst time of day for me.
Honey don't be so hard yourself. While I'm quite a bit older than you I have these panic attacks too. Taking a shower getting ready for work, social functions with family - whether it's my family or my husbands. I thank God for Kloninpin for calming me down and giving me the strength to get through these things. You're not less of a person for taking these meds so you can make it through the day and most importantly don't worry about making your father or step-mom happy. It's too much pressure. Focus on making yourself happy. You need counseling to talk things through - it's a safe place where you can say whatever you want and as much as you want for as long as you want. Try to be kind to yourself in the meantime. Everyone is going through something - you're not alone - and everyone on this board is here for you.
I wake up anxious and it makes me want to cry . I can feel everything building up inside to the point where I’ll explode . My thoughts are always racing . To the point where I can’t explain them so I take it out on myself because I am angry . I didn’t care if I survived or not I didn’t care who I affected, ughh .. now medication came in the mix , now I don’t know what I’m thinking it’s like I’m not allowed to think... I just want to scream and curl up in a ball ... I’m only 19 and I hate my life ... I’m sorry
I have asked myself those very same questions numerous times and have not found any answers other than that’s just the way it is. The main thing that keeps me going is curiosity about what the future holds. I know I will have good times and I know I will have bad times. I could end it all so easily but then I would never know. I hope you can find peace and comfort.
I’m sorry you not feeling well right now. Where does my anxiety come from? I ask myself that everyday. I wish I had the answer. Like you I rely on medication. I wish there was something I could say that would help you. I was also antisocial around family and felt anxious at family events. I always felt as if I was being judged. I couldn’t wait to leave, this went on for years. I got good at making up excuses not to attend. Now I got what I wanted, I’m alone and isolated. Most of my family have moved on, and some have passed away. What I wouldn’t do to have that time back, to realize the damage this disorder has caused.
I don’t have an answer for you but I certainly know how you feel. And you are not alone. Don’t isolate yourself, you don’t have to be a social butterfly to be with people. The one thing I can say is that all the self doubt and worry is just the anxiety and depression talking, this is not the real you.
I’m sure others in this forum will be able to help.
I constantly isolate myself I feel like I deserve to suffer alone .. when my step mom or dad ask me if I want to go for a walk I always say no because I have no motivation to get out of bed . Life just turned upside down after my mom got the death penalty and murder charges .
Wow! That would turn anyone’s life upside down. You should see a therapist if you can. They can help guide you and teach relaxation techniques to help you through this anxious time.
I used to see a therapist a while ago but I couldn’t afford to go every week, and I also didn’t feel it was helping me. But that’s just me. Many people here are in therapy and they get a lot of benefits from talking to someone who is non judgement and will listen.
I hope you are okay. You have a heavy burden to carry. I wish I could offer more help.
Hello Spirit19. I also sometimes get anxious when I take a shower. I tell my mom to come around to check on me and that makes me feel better. If you don't have anyone at home with you, take a radio to the bathroom to feel like you have someone there. I'm also going to tell you what I tell most people here. Go outside and get 10-15 minutes of sun and after that get in the shade. That always makes me feel better. I read a book while I'm outside. I don't know if you're seeing a therapist but I find that it helps also. Just try to do things, even if it's walking 5 minutes a day. Something is better than nothing. God bless you. You'll be fine.
Spirit 19, you haven’t let anyone down. You are struggling with a real illness as am I . Your family needs to know you are doing the right things to help yourself. I am also on anti anxiety meds and anti depressants. They are medicine , I believe God gave us just as high blood pressure meds are. Do you see a therapist? I do it’s one of the most helpful things. Your thoughts are not facts. That’s one thing my therapist said. If you have strange or anxious thoughts, they are just thoughts. Most people have them, it’s just that we react to them more and they scare us. We have to remember this. We have to train our minds to calm down. There are many ways to do this. Therapy, meds, relaxation exercises. Believe me I’m right THERE WITH YOU.I’ve had anxiety, ocd and depression since I was a kid. There are treatments that work. Sometimes you may get a relapse but then you go to your treatments. I’ll pray for you. Please pray for me. I just started a job and I am the oldest one there. I’m so self conscious of not getting it right. But I can’t dwell on that. So
I’m older it dosnt mean I can’t learn or bring something to the job they
Hello Spirit 19. I'm sending you bear hugs and lots of positive love. When those thoughts come into your head try to replace them with positive things, a happy time or event or just positive words. When I use to get really bad thoughts about myself, I would stand in front of a mirror and tell myself I was good and lovable. I would keep saying it until it sunk in. I later found that it was true because Jesus loved me and was there for me. You are beautifully, wonderfully made and not a disappointment. I will be praying for you.
Hello, I am so sorry you are fighting depression and anxiety so badly! Many times, it is a health issue. I have found that taking magnesium (magnesium malate is best) and ginseng helped me a lot w both depression and anxiety, they calm the mind body and spirit and get rid of sticky negative thoughts the loop around in the mind. Also, getting outside, laying on the grass to get grounded and breathe in fresh air, looking at stars, these things help a lot too. Our environment help or hurt our mental health and physical health. Speak aloud positive truths to counteract the negative thoughts and things said to us. Also, Volunteering helps us get our of our own misery to help others, which helps us. Call those negatives a lie and correct them to yourself. Protect yourself from those who put that added stress on you and go out and do new challenging things, take classes, go t meetups. Learn new things, meet new people, it will get you out of the pit.
I don’t know if this makes sense or not . But here it goes. I’ve been in this pit for so long I don’t know anything else . I’m scared of the unknown . I’m scared of the light because I’m in darkness ..
all the more reason to take those, they will help w minimal effort on your part, just order them and take them regularly amap. Then, you will feel better and more like getting into the light and not afraid. <3
Sigh.....so many wounded innocent souls. Your words hit me hard and I’m reminded that reality for a lot of us is not so good. The way you feel is what I feel on a daily basis. I don’t have the answers and I’m just as lost as you are. To know and understand someone else’s pain when you’re in the same position is very painful. I’m scared for the fact that in the near future many and many more people will experience this terrifying mental disease. We treat each other like animals and this results in our sufferings all across the world. I don’t have any good advice and I’m not gonna spit some bull crap at you but I want you to know and understand that you’re not alone even though you feel like it. I pray for you...hope all goes better.
Take things slowly. Make small plans for yourself at first and visualize the outcome in a positive way. Say encouraging things to yourself. It will be fine. I know you can do it. It is scary at first so take baby steps. Hugs.
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wanting to give up but not sure how 
Do I give him up or no?
Need to rant out. Sorry.
GAD
Overwhelmed 
