Trying to find happiness

[Ebbyblossom]

Hi everyone! I'm completely new to this, but I've been struggling with anxiety and depression for quite some time now. I'm a current college student, and I've had an especially hard semester. I really ended up relying on my best friend a lot to get me through all of my suicidal thoughts and tendencies to not really care about myself, and I know that I hurt him a lot in the process. I guess what I'm struggling with most now is all the guilt that I feel. I'm working on trying to forgive myself and to be a better person, but everything can be hard and frustrating and overwhelming. I would really appreciate any advice that people have on how to forgive yourself, how to be happy, and what it means for you to "deal with things." My happiness is important to me for the first time in awhile, and I want to learn to be independent and to live the best life I possibly can for myself, for my best friend, and for my mom. I'm also taking 50mg of sertraline each day and have found it to be not too effective for my anxiety especially. If anyone else is on Zoloft/sertraline and has any experiences to offer, I would greatly appreciate it. Thank you in advance.

[glitterrage]

hey! I know it's easier to say things than act on em' but don't beat yourself up over guilt. At that time you were in a place were you are slowly coming out of. That's a huge step! Understanding that you want happiness is an achievement, I suggest you try you're hardest to look at the bright side to every situation. When I think of a happy place for me personally is doing stuff that is beneficial for me. I try to remind myself that I am here and I am here for something greater than myself. This is me personally but knowing that I will someday do something big even it's small to others helps me smile and get up. Give yourself little tasks so you feel that sense of achievement which results in happiness. I was on the other end of the stick with suicide and something that helped me mend relationships with the person who attempted was talking about how I felt and how it made me feel while having the other person know. Talking about it might help with moving forward. I hope this helps and isn't to long for you. But I am always willing to chat more if you want! I'm in college as well and I'm slowly getting a grip of life.

[Ebbyblossom in reply to glitterrage]

Thank you so much for your reply! I'm proud of myself for realizing I want to be happy, that's something that I didn't come by easily. I think the next time I talk to my friend I'll ask him if he wants to talk more about how he feels, but I also don't want to push the issue so I'm just not sure how to approach it. I think the guilt is still the hardest part for me to handle, so that sounds like a mature way to approach it.

[Hidden]

Happiness isn't a permanent state of mind and no one can be happy 24/7. It is much better to be work on being contented and fulfilled as this will lead on to chunks of happiness.

Any issues you have need to be worked on either through a counsellor or by yourself. You have to be the best version you can of yourself. This means following your own dreams and being your own person, not necessarily following the current measure of success ie having a good job and marriage etc. If this will make you feel happier then fine, but these in themselves don't guarantee happiness or even contentment.

It is your life for you to use as you wish. If you don't know what you want then try thinking what you don't want as this is usually easier. You have to follow your own path in life, not someone else's. This means knowing who you are and a realistic attitude to life.

[Jeannii in reply to Hidden]

Following what u want is easier said than DONE. Most of us know what we don't want but that doesn't mean we know what's good for us so.............it's all very confusing so just join the rest of us in this queue , some u hit & win , some u don't hit & loose.......I'm in my 60's & as soon as I start to think ahha ...this is how it works, the next day, i'm back to square one .

[Ebbyblossom in reply to Hidden]

Do you have any further advice about how to live a contented life? I guess I'm still trying to figure out who I am. I'm only 19 years old, but I feel so directionless and don't want to be wasting some of the best years of my life allowing my mental illness to get the best of me.

[Hidden]

Hi

Just wanted to say welcome and I hope it helps to write things down here, I know it helps me. 😊

Best wishes 🌸

[Kobojunkie]

You are on the right track! Keep going please. There is no therapy as good as self therapy.

If you have to, write down all your guilt, mistakes and faults on paper. List them all out and one by time take your time to forgive yourself and purge your soul of the guilt.

if you believe in God, ask him to help you learn how to forgive yourself completely, so that when you are finally done( could take years but it is ok), you can feel lighter and free to experience the happiness you seek.

i am.rooting for you!😎

[Kobojunkie in reply to Kobojunkie]

also, about your meds, if they are not working for you, tell your doctor to find you something else that will do better

[Ebbyblossom in reply to Kobojunkie]

Thank you so much for your support! I guess I'm still struggling with understanding how much my medication should be doing for me and how much I can do for myself. I like to write things down, so I really should take your suggestion. I just don't know if it's too soon for me to recount everything because that might make things worse for me.

[Kobojunkie in reply to Ebbyblossom]

Your medication ought to totally help you remove depression from your way so you can then process your feelings( guilt, shame, low self esteem etc.) and determine which way you want your life to head next.

So you need to make sure your doctor knows if you still have symptoms or not, and also about side effects, so he can properly adjust them.

I kind of dealt with some of the depression symptoms, well the symptoms that were within my power to change like guilt, shame, self-esteem, love of self, reason to live, etc by doing lots of work to change my own thinking. This was long before i finally got on meds to help me take care of the part that was beyond my control.

But if i had it to do over again, i would have also started on the meds at the same time cause the more i delayed that, the worse other symptoms got.

[RoseFleur]

You posted 2 years ago, so you might be doing better now- regardless, I am a current college student. Sertraline was not good for me.