Depressed Working mom

Hi guys! I am a 31 year old working mom. I have dealt with bouts of anxiety and depression my whole life. When my 3 year old was born I became the most depressed and anxious I have ever been in my life. Things are a little better now but I am still struggling with depression and anxiety. I recently started therapy again and I just got back on medication. My life is pretty stressful right now. I am a working mom. I work full time and I have a commute of about 45 minutes. I hate it. I didn’t want to be a working mom but those are my circumstances right now. I have irrational fears concerning my daughter’s safety and a horrible fear of inclement weather.

Any self-help tips or recommendations that could help me get out of this funk? Any other moms out there struggling to keep it all together?

10 Replies

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  • Well, as one working mom to another, things will work out as long as you want them to. I have always kept that attitude in order to keep my spirits high. My faith in a higher being also keeps me on the path that offers me positive actions. I use the principles of truth, order, balance, harmony, justice, propriety and reciprocity. When a situation does not render these principles , I tend to walk away. The walking away keeps me honest to my beliefs and minimizes the friction that occurs when other people wish to give me difference. Loving my son is the other factor to my overcoming anxiety. He is the center of my outward focus. I know that he depends on me to be balanced and I know his growth is based on the harmony I provide for the two of us. I find justice as a way to keep him focused and I show him the reality of injustice in the world around us. By keeping order and truth as my daily means of communication allows me to extend to him no dishonor nor allow others to dishonor my sons mental stability. I learned a while ago that life is not always fair, but my ability to keep myself strong and growing is essential. Peace and blessings to you on this journey. You can do it.

  • Thank you for the reply. I wish I believed in a higher power, but I lost my faith and I am not sure what I believe in anymore. If I did I think that would help some. I feel bad about not always being able to hold it together for my daughter. I know that is what she needs and deserves. I want her to grow up healthy and balanced.

  • UGH!! I was a working mom too many years and felt like you. I knew it was important for me to be home. I kept having to cut my hours until I finally quit when my 3rd son was born. Even then I kept getting pulled into the family business. I hated that. I have a list I've compiled of non-drug answers for anxiety that other people here have said helped them. Here it is:

    1---"I've found David D. Burns' "Feeling Good" and "When Panic Attacks" to be very helpful."

    2---"I am working through the anxiety workbook by dr David Carbonell and it has helped immensely!!! "

    3---TRE (Trauma releasing exercises) is something you can learn in a class but you don't have to talk about your problems and once you have learned the technique you can use it at home.

    4---The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook

    Practical DBT Exercises for Learning Mindfulness, Interpersonal Effectiveness, Emotion Regulation, and Distress Tolerance

    By: Matthew McKay PhD, Jeffrey Wood PsyD, Jeffrey Brantley MD

    A Clear and Effective Approach to Learning DBT Skills

    First developed for treating borderline personality disorder, dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) has proven effective as treatment for a range of other mental health problems, especially for those characterized by overwhelming emotions. Research shows that DBT can improve your ability to handle distress without losing control and acting destructively. In order to make use of these techniques, you need to build skills in four key areas-distress tolerance, mindfulness, emotion regulation, and interpersonal effectiveness.

    Source: NewHarbingerPublications

    Caution for non-Buddhists: Zen Buddhism inspired aspects of DBT, along with behavioral science and dialectical philosophy. Source: GoodTherapy.com.

    5---"A good book that I came across recently is "The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook, 6th Edition" by Edmund J. Bourne, PhD. You might find this book to be of some help to you, although communicating your thoughts and feelings in a group setting is enormously helpful as well. "

    6---For anxiety: Claire Weekes audio books on iTunes.

    7---Videos on YouTube by THAT ANXIETY GUY helps with anxiety re: depersonalization/ de-realization states.

    8---"Go on the psychology today site and look for a therapist that specializes in anxiety."

    9---“ Have you ever listened to Louise Hay on YouTube? Some of the talks help motivate you and hopefully you will feel a positive energy.”

  • Hi Sue,

    Thank you so much for the list. I will definitely try some of these out.

  • Great! If you ever want to talk or vent about losing your faith or ask questions about why it no longer works for you, I'm willing to talk with you. I hate to see you lose that huge support in your life. But I also don't want to be pushy about it.

  • Sue, I would love to talk about it. I was born and raised Catholic. I had a lot of faith as a child. In high school I had a boyfriend who was an atheist. That was kind of the start of losing my faith. I began to question whether God was real or not. I think God could be real and I would love to believe but I don’t have any proof that he is real, and without proof I doubt. The world is such a horrible place and I question why God could let bad things happen to good people. I have also made several mistakes in my life, and I don’t think God could ever forgive me for what I have done. If I could get my faith back, I think that would help a lot, but I don’t know where to start.

  • Okay, I'm a practicing Catholic and I have to go right now to confession or I'll miss it. I'm going to write to you later today in a private message. I'm so happy you want to talk! ;o)

  • Great, I look forward to talking.

  • My apologies to you and this site but I can't get the address to work on the private messaging option and I've already typed this message. Maybe you can get it to work, dashboardchic19?

    My son Michael and I went to confession and it feels soooo good! I visualize being whiter than snow all through my body. From the inside out! And there were so many people there the priest listened to everyone's confession and Mass had to start late! Good to see people taking their faith seriously.

    It saddens me to hear that somehow your faith has hit stumbling blocks. Catholicism is the best faith in the world. I've had the privilege of investigating it as an adult to see if I want to stay with it or go to another, better faith and I've decided to stay. The depth and width and accuracy and blessings from God in Catholicism are phenomenal.

    God is my #1 lover. Everyone else comes after. Because God wants only the best for everyone who I love and care about. So loving God above all puts the rest of the people I love in a very good position. The best!

    Why do bad things happen to good people? Because we live in a fallen world. God didn't promise we wouldn't have troubles in this world, quite the opposite: "In this world you will have troubles..." Because the Prince of Darkness and his followers are loose in this world and Man is loose in this world. All are utilizing their free will that God gave them and that free will allows them to disobey God's laws and harm other people. Then there are the good people who obey God's laws and pray for good intentions and keep a good balance in this world.

    Heaven is where God's law reigns and only those who love God will be/are. God isn't interested in forcing people to love him. He wants us to willingly love him and keep his commands (which are just common sense rules of behavior). So we have our lives on earth to get to know him and if we choose to love him, we have eternity with him in heaven. Knowing and loving God now is a wonderful way to live life.

    There are so many ways he blesses me and others. He really smooths out my pathways and helps me in so many ways I find it hard to describe. I often have a sense of his presence which is very peaceful. He helps me make decisions. I would miss his guidance and his love if I didn't have them. I would be lonely without him. I am never alone anymore. And this goes the same with my friends, family and others in my Bible study group and prayer groups. I'm not exceptional, just average. This is getting long so I'll stop here. Take care.

  • I don't really have any advice for you, but can certainly can commiserate. I just signed up on this forum. I have dealt with anxiety and depression for as long as I can remember, and I seem to generally "hold it together." I think it's that I have some pretty effective coping strategies that allow me to mask the everyday terror, though I don't know how healthy they are for me long term. (Extreme anxiety makes me pretty good at my job, unfortunately). But I'm having a pretty severe downturn, and I don't know if it's just the cycle of things or what, but it really seems like this is worse. I have the hardest time trying to reconcile being a capable, self-sustaining person (not allowing my fears to control me) with being honest and forgiving of myself (acknowledging my needs and limitations?) I want to be a strong mother, provider for my 4.5yo girl, but I also want to be present and not a crazy person! I don't want to live like this -- every day completely sapped of every ounce, but I don't want to say that I can't do this, either. Ugh. anxiety is the worst.

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