HelloThis is a tough one for me because I can't sleep. Today I felt highly jealous of a friend of mine who lost alot of weight and I have been seriously struggling with weight loss for the past two years. I felt he was flaunting his weight loss to me by touching my belly and saying you need to get it together. He felt he did not mean it but I thought it was inappropriate. But I am just so upset with myself because I don't know why in the past two years I am having difficulty losing weight I just now feel inadequate around my friend now. I am considering ending the friendship because this person now feels so great because they lost weight. I lost alot of weight back in 2020 by walking alot everyday. But it seems to not work anymore. Not sure what to do. Today I just ate one meal. Maybe cutting back on food will help.
Advice on Friendship and Jealously - Anxiety and Depre...
Advice on Friendship and Jealously
I feel like your friend was thoughtless and I bet if you tell them how you feel they will apologize.
Losing weight is hard. In my experience lifestyle changes in the way I eat has been the most effective. Since I don’t know what your diet is like I can’t say but I do know eating too little is not going to help in the long run. What you can do is eat more produce and less of things like bread , pasta, red meat. If you don’t cook then you probably are getting more calories and salt than you should. Noom is very effective at teaching you how to eat better. I also liked PlateJoy which is good if you aren’t used to cooking for yourself
I will speak to my friend. I am glad you lost weight but don't flaunt it I heard about Boom, but not Plate Joy. Thank you for the advice.
asking her not to flaunt it puts them on the defensive. In fact it could it be they are looking for congratulations and encouragement? Tell them how it makes you feel when they poke fun instead. Be authentic and let them know how you feel about not losing weight. I’m sure they can relate because most people have experienced that. We have a crappy diet in this country. They can’t really get defensive because your feelings are your feelings.
Ok. I will
But knowing me l, even after an apology I will continue to be jealous. You can see the swag and confidence he now has. I wish I felt that way. So we both been struggling with weight for the past two years and he found his niche in cycling. My thing was long distance walking and a 20 Minute high intensity jumping jack work out.
Plus I know it's an excuse. Because of my new work schedule. I don't walk as much.
I prefer the forum tbh.
Jumping jacks for the rest of your life sounds horrible tbh. It sounds like a recipe for defeat. It doesn’t matter what kind of exercise you do. Study after study supports this. Find something you enjoy…anything. You have to make it a habit so look up atomic tasks for advice on that. It doesn’t have to be high impact. There are always some men in the yoga studios I go to. It is more size inclusive if that is a concern. All that will get your mind off your troubles for a least an hour. Exercise alone won’t do it. You need a healthy diet. Whole food, mostly plants in four words. The two programs I mentioned are excellent. Healthy food, water and exercise all lead to a healthy mind and self confidence. Walking is excellent too and great for a ton of reasons well beyond exercise including meditation, thinking, breathing. I lost 25 pounds and have kept it off with that advice. I’m older so I think about losing some flexibility etc. For that regular exercise is imperative so better to develop a healthy lifestyle…but for yourself not for anyone else.
What is true is there is no shortcut to getting healthy and losing weight. With those “lose in one week” promises you might lose but then gain it back or have to maintain an icky lifestyle. . No thanks.
Regarding schedule there are ways to deal with it. Climbing stairs instead of the elevator, parking farther away and walking, online workouts, putting some headphones on and moving to your fav music while cooking or getting ready for work. You can also find a bunch of 7 minute routines online which is all you need. You have to use your imagination or look online for ideas. When the days get longer it will be easier to stay motivated. At work I just schedule and go. My boss accepts it plus I’m more effective. If I have to work after so be it. If your job is more rigid see the advice above.
No jumping jacks for the rest of my life just temporary. I will remember the forum.
So you have used 7 Minute work out.
Not for me. Remember it doesn’t matter as long as you enjoy it. It would be better than jumping jacks that’s for sure.
Not to sound silly. Yoga is really good for losing weight? I did actually think about it. Also, just curious and I am sorry if I missed it. But what 7 Minute exercises have you done?
Idk much about losing weight but your friend probably said and did what he did without thinking, but I also can understand the jealousy thing but I don't think ending the friendship over it is the best move imo. Maybe just talk to him about it and why it bothered you. Also Idk maybe he can help you lose the weight by doing what he did with him. Could be helpful .
You are right I can swallow my pride and ask him for his weight loss tips.
Exercise isn't really that good for loosing weight, ironically. It's mostly the food that you eat. But yes, yoga can help you keep a healthy lifestyle because it builds up your core muscles, and when your core muscles are strong, you're more engaged and every movement that you make is more beneficial for you, and you burn more calories by just existing. Yoga can be incredibly challenging!! Walking is one of the best exercises you can do for yourself, so I'd stick w that one too. It's amazing for you in so many ways. It's OK if you fell off a bit. That's the great thing about it, you can just pick it back up again. And like others have mentioned, doing things like taking the stairs and parking far away, it all adds up!! Do you have a step-counter-thingy? They're very useful in motivating people and much more accurate than whatever's on a cellphone. I'm sorry that your friend was rubbing his weight loss in your face, that was hurtful, I'm sure, and a shitty thing to do. It's one thing to be proud of your own accomplishments, but then to mock someone else, not cool. I wouldn't be jealous of someone like that though, what kind of person is that? Not a very kind or cool person, yeah maybe thin, but not much else. The thing about weight is that it didn't go on overnight, so it's not coming off (in a healthy way, anyway) overnight either. It also comes off the opposite way you put it on, for what that's worth. The best thing you can do is make small, healthy changes you can live with for life. Change from soda to water for a month. Switch out fruit or veggies for chips next month. When we make drastic changes, we tend to relapse even harder and gain even more weight back, making the problem worse. A dieting app may help you learn to eat more healthy too. Again, I'm sorry you went through that.... Not cool at all.
This is all great information. But I do need to change the way I eat . By the way the friend apologized and did not mean it. But I can go back into walking, especially on the weekends. I will look more into the yoga.
Darkhorse has it right.....exercise is great, but it's what goes in that matters! After three kids, I needed to get about 20 pounds off. On top of that I was on Remeron which makes me eat like an animal. I hated all of the women that would literally bounce back in months. Granted I had kids later in life....but man, jealousy came easy for me. It was the first time in my life I think I became obsessive over something. I had always been able to not care and eat whatever....my metabolism WAS (key phrase) amazing. I can only imagine how annoying I was with my first two pregnancies to SO many people. I first started down the exercise path getting up early before kids or bringing baby to gym. That lasted a whole two weeks. I added a calorie counter app and targeted 1750 a day. Boom....wine become to precious to waste calories. Boom....I actually felt guilty when I over ate on calories by a lot. Boom...my stomach started shrinking. In about 4 months, the 20 pounds was gone. Now what they don't tell you is that your body may be totally different when you lose weight. Not all of my clothes fit the same at the same weight. Likely due to age and fat/muscle ratios. I wish I could remember the app because it has lots of the normal dining out places with the accurate nutrition info too. Later on I tracked fat intake and was able to tone a bit more. Just my own journey and a thought!
PS-glad you followed up with your friend! That takes its own courage!
Hi there, is it really necessary to end the friendship over one gesture？ what if someone else says that to you? Will you hate the world for something you can’t control?
Weight loss is a combination of many things. Belly fat can be a result of stress and poor diet or doing the wrong exercises. Aim to work out for overall better health rather than for looks cuz that will fade along with aging and the aging body.
Most important is learning how to deal with unpleasant situations cuz those are likely to show up as we age. Life is more lenient on spring chickens than it is on autumn geese. Speaking from experience myself having gone from a size zero to an eight. People are not kind to gaining weight so be nice to yourself first.
Have a great week and live life like you slay dragons. Be well!
We spoke and we are still friends.
I’m glad to hear that.
I know how difficult it can be to lose weight. For most of my life, my weight was up and down. There's an old saying that it's easy to lose weight but the hard part is keeping it off.
Also, exercise is not a good way to lose weight. It's very beneficial for many reasons, but it's much easier to lose weight by not taking in the calories rather than trying to burn them off. Unless you are engaged in the Tour de France, it's almost impossible to get enough exercise to lose weight.
Seeing a dietitian would be a good start if you have not already done so. I have also found that simply keeping track of what you eat and how many calories you take in every day can I help you to lose weight.
As far as your jealousy of your friend, it is your thoughts about his behavior that are troubling you, not his behavior itself. I would recommend studying cognitive behavioral therapy to learn how to think about things more affectively and to engage in less negative thinking. It is not events that trouble us, it is what we think about those events that troubles us. I usually recommend the book Feeling Great by David Burns. It is a very well written book and a good guide to teaching yourself CBT.
I will look into cognitive behavioral therapy.
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