Advice please

[Sunandrose87]

I need some help with this... about two years ago I fell in love with my guy best friend... but he never said he had feeling back. However we maintained a friendship that was way to close and this started to trigger more anxiety attacks than necessary. Right now I feel that he has a new relationship but he does periodically check on me and when he does it makes me really happy but later depressed and anxious because he ghosts me. This pushes me two steps back in my anxiety recovery. How should I handle the next time he checks on me?

[AZ1970]

My advice would be to cut off contact all together until you are able to have contact without it setting you back. He has shown you with his actions that he does not feel the same way. Basing your happiness and wellness on another person will always backfire. You deserve someone who loves you back.

[Sunandrose87 in reply to AZ1970]

Thank you I'm reading all of this and absorbing it

[Krazie]

Sunandrose,

AZ1970 nailed it when she said to cut off all contact. It sounds as if you are on a roller coaster with this guy. It sets up a very unhealthy dynamic to try to live through. It may be painful, at first, but that will gradually decrease over time.

When you feel ready, you can be on the look out for the one who will love you back, and give you the contentment you need.

In the meantime, have you thought about donating your time to those in need? Homeless shelters, food banks, senior homes, work with children in low income areas, tutor in a school, be a mentor in boys/girls club, spend time in a animal humane society, get involved in an environmental non profit organization protecting natural resources. The possibilities are endless. It will help take your mind off your troubles, and help prevent you from dwelling on them and feeling down.

Best of luck to you. Remember you are worth more.

[Sunandrose87 in reply to Krazie]

Thanks so much

[Hidden]

Hi Sunandrose87:

During the course of going through anxiety, happiness can be a sudden boost of energy overflowing the anxiety. When this takes place, at the level of happiness in which you were, it will take an extra amount of energy from how you deal with anxiety. The downside of it is the aftermath. The energy you used to deal with the anxiety was used in those moments of the happiness you felt resulting with you having the two steps back.

With him checking up on you shows he has concerns and cares for you. Which gives me a good understanding on why it haunts you as well from the past. When going through anxiety our brain seems to give us easy access to uncomfortable moments.

I would recommend in preparation of the next time he calls. Have questions written down if you wish to ask him any. It will take much of your anxiety away and make you feel more prepared and confident for the next call.

Also during the call you said you feel really happy. Hold onto that. The longer you hold onto it the less anxiety will take place. Focus on the positive.

Remember, to overcome anxiety we need to take control rather then it take control of us.

Stay strong, breath easy, and know you can get through whatever comes your way.

😊

[Sunandrose87 in reply to Hidden]

I like the idea of preparing and being confident

[Salforever]

The best advice I can give you is to take a deep breath and let him go. I know you may love him, but if he knows and doesn’t feel the same then he is not who you are meant to be with. I was in love with my best friend too. I thought the feeling was mutual. I think at one point it was. But he didn’t want to be with me. He led me on to believe it. But his actions proved otherwise. I didn’t get anxiety but I did get super depressed. I didn’t want to get out of bed my heart hurt so bad. I forced myself to go out with friends and one day I met someone else. I didn’t end up with them either but one day my heart healed and I am so glad I can say I finally let go. It took me a decade but I did it. And now I can see clearer... I did love him but he wasn’t the love of my life. I hope you can heal from this. I know all too well where you are. I was there too. If he doesn’t know, tell him. Someone that has that much affect on your health needs to know. I hope that helps

[Sunandrose87 in reply to Salforever]

Thanks for sharing that experience. If you overcame it I can too

[Salforever in reply to Sunandrose87]

Of course, not sure how close you guys are anymore but if he really was your BFF at one point, I’m sure you could talk to him about it. I hope you overcome this pain

[APOR2017]

I am really sorry that you are going through this. I pray that you are make a choice that gives you happiness and freedom.