I'm 50 and female - this is my first time writing here. I've got a history of MDD and anxiety, 20 years trying SSRI medication and right now I'm in a nightmare depression. I feel like just disappearing or sleeping forever. I've never felt this hopeless for this long. Usually when I'm depressed it lasts a month or so. It's been 5 months and no relief. I'm struggling to cope. I have three kids and a husband who love me, a job that I usually enjoy, and no reason to be depressed.
I feel like I'm losing myself. My psychiatrist gave me Prozac and the side effects made me so sick that I've lost almost 30 pounds - before that Lexapro, before that Paxil, mirtazapine and a bunch of others. Now he stopped the Prozac after 21 days and gave me Lamictal. I'm so lost right now - just crying. The mornings are the worst and getting up is so very hard. I feel hopeless. I'm afraid.
Written by
Riallisa
To view profiles and participate in discussions please or .
I'm still working but I feel so down that I dread what I used to love. It's so painful to feel no happiness for so long. I can't laugh and I feel so lost. I'm sure hormones are playing a part because I no longer have periods. Hot flashes at n8ght wake me up. There's a breast cancer history in my family so the doctor doesn't want me on hormone replacement. I'm so stuck. I am praying to find any relief at all. Right now I'm in bed with my dog until I have to pick up the kids. I feel sick and very alone.
Hi Riallisa, so sorry to hear you are feeling so poorly. I am bipolar but tend to have lengthy bouts of depression rather than highs. It’s rotten to feel so low, especially when you have family and job commitments. It’s great that your family are so supportive and hope your boss is too. Dolphin14 had a good point when she mentioned hormones. Do so hope you feel better soon x
At 50 you probably need a boost of estrogen - aguaje is a wonderful natural estrogen booster from the Rainforests in Peru I strongly recommend it but it's not easy getting the best qualityI live in UK and Im lucky to get good quality aguaje bc my nephew imports it maybe in US it's easy to get bc it's nearer
Have you tried Red Clover and/or Black Golosh(Hope I’ve got name right)? I took these instead of HRT and they definitely helped. Also St John’s Wort for depression, it’s great stuff.
Please don’t order them before speaking with your doctor. While they can be helpful to some, they can have side effects on their own and additionally may have serious side effects when combined with regular prescriptions.
I know this is a concern for St. John’s Wort combined with certain antidepressants. Just because something is natural, doesn’t mean it doesn’t cause side effects.
I’m sure you could order from Amazon or other places online. I always used to get them from our local chemist but ordering online is so much more convenient especially when you are not feeling well. I am sure your family love you no matter how you feel or what you think you look like, please don’t beat yourself up…you are enough as you are xx
Just hang in there. This is just temporary. You will get better. I was just recently going through a similar situation and I got a notification on my phone to listen to Atomic Habits by James Clear. I just started listening to it, and I am feeling a tiny bit better.
Sorry that you're suffering atm Riallisa. Is the depression so deep that you wouldn't enjoy watching your fav movie or series? Perhaps a much loved book to reread. Try a comedian. Avoid the news until you're on the mend and don't hesitate to reach out if your mood takes another dip.
I was on lexapro for 4 months - my depression was terrible. Prozac for 21 days and couldn't stop vomiting - now lamictal for 3 days at 25 mg. They have to go up slowly so it doesn't give me a rash that is dangerous. I'm not sure I can last another 6 weeks.
Your story sounds like mine. Been battling this depression for almost 8 months now. My doctor had me do a genetic testing - they just swab your mouth - and he was able to tell that some meds didn’t work well for me, and which ones that should. For me, adding abilify has helped me, whereas in the past Lamictal made me feel worse. Also, for many people who suffer depression, they need something with norepinephrine or dopamine like the new SNRIs. I don’t know if you know of any of this, but I hope it might be useful.
Until this month though I have felt just like you. I have little ones and I think without them I may have offed myself. I had that “heavy” feeling every day and simply didn’t want to exist. I meditate daily, walk, take hot baths, anything to distract my mind when I’m depressed. And just try to remember that you may not feel it today or tomorrow but one day you will feel better.
I feel so lost. I took the gene test and I'll see my doctor on Tuesday- I hope there's something that will fix me. Today I just went back to bed. I'm not sure how long I can do this anymore. Thank you for your reply- I hope you're so much better
The vomiting stopped and the tash is a side affect of lamictal. I haven't gotten the rash and I'm praying I don't. I'm seeing a new doctor on Tuesday- I've only seen him once before so I hope he has some ideas.
_ just to share my personnal experience (male, now 70). For so long years I used to think a I had primary depression. Took some antidepress; disasters!. It was only after retiring, I started go deeper and study/explore my general healph conditions;
_ soom, some 7 years ago, after some three polissononagraphies, and start using a Bilevel CPAP (providing ton of data for analyses by myself; anyone can do it), I realised I had never had primary depression, but rather strong restless legs issues and some minor breathing chockings (UARS, upper airways resitance syndrome), with consequent poor sleep;
_ then, after some seven years working and tackling my those two conditions, my life quality has improved a great deal. I have been managing those two with EFT (emotion freedom technique; use this for everything , miraculous simple thing ) + 0.5 mg of clonazepam;
_ therefore, for me, as well for my wife and daughters and others, if someone come and say: I am depressed, I tend to return, humbling: how is your sleep?; have you ever explore your night sleep with PSG's?, and so on....
_ I have great difficulties on believing in primary depression these days: would it really exist? or is just consequence/syntoms of something else;
I’ve always struggled with depression and anxiety but when I went through menopause I sunk to a new low. My doctor said although HRT has risks, quality of life is also important so I took them for six years.
You might consider TMS Therapy, it sounds like with as many meds you have tried with no success that you might qualify for it. I'm on my third week of trying it and have found it working very well and have had no side affects, it's really lowered my depression and eliminated my anxiety. I've been posting weekly updates on my progress. There are also a number of other members here who have or are currently tried it and found it very helpful. it's a relatively new but proven approach and is increasingly becoming my accepted.
I had two sessions and my anxiety got very high. The doctor said I should wait to be stable on a medication and try again. I'm feeling pretty hopeless. I see the doctor on Tuesday. Had gene testing done. I don't know what will happen now
I did a gene test for psych meds and found it helpful, mine was from Genesight and hopefully yours will be beneficial too. I personally have found that even finding a good medication and even doing TMS that I also had to change my thinking and understanding about anxiety/depression and learn how to constructively deal with it. Anxiety is just our body and minds built in warning system and is malfunctioning for some of us and we need to learn how to desensitize ourselves to the feelings/sensations and accept that the anxious thoughts are lies and not real and to not believe them. Anxiety is also a paradox, the more you try to fight it or stop it the more it will continue so the solution is to surrender and learn to be ok with the uncomfortable sensations, its just adrenalin flowing in our body and will dissipate in time. I suggest you check out the DARE Anxiety book and youtube videos about how to deal and heal anxiety. Also learn and practice "box breathing" for calming and also a simple mindfulness meditation to learn to allow the thoughts to flow in your mind without attaching to them. I also found ACT Therapy good for helping with anxiety and depression. A lot of us were never taught as kids how to deal with strong emotions and to be able to calm ourselves or have a safe place and we need to do that for ourselves now that we are adults.
I'm not sure how to change my thinking. I am in therapy and there are all these breathing techniques but the depression is crushing me. I have no energy or will to even move. I get up, feed everyone, the kids go to school - and I just feel hopeless and too down to move. I pick them up and make dinner and pray to sleep.
I get that when you are feeling really depressed and fatigued it's hard to even think or concentrate. One of the things I have found that also impacted me a lot was having my testosterone too low and how much better i started feeling after doing the shots for it. I'm also hypothyroid and getting my hormones, thyroid and adrenals balanced has made a big difference physically and mentally.
To keep it simple you might consider just learning more about how to deal with your anxiety so you can resume your TMS treatment and just focus on it. Having some anxiety about doing it is normal and part of what makes the anxiety worse is just fighting or denying the anxiety itself. There is also another good resource for anxiety/panic, check out the youtube videos of Paige Pradko. Best to you.
I am still curious how is your sleep quality, seen on details, say you go through all sleep stages (N1, N2, N3, REM)?
That because without a certain (no need to be perfect, something) normality in sleep (at least enough to get up rather refreshed, etc), I tend no to believe on primary depression, anxiety, and so on.
Still biased to myself: Mindfulness meditation is hard: I tried it for many years, never suceed. My today regular " modern" meditation is kind of practical guided ones from either Joe Dispenza or Dawson Church, much easier and with good practical results.
EFT is something miraculous! See science behind this technique, if you can.
0.5 mg of Clonazepam +ETF help with my restless legs crises, completed battled and allowing 45 minutes of meditation follow on....
Have you ever try Pranic Breathing (diafragmatic... tongue on the mouth roof). This simple thing bring a huge amount of energy in some ten minutes.
And so on.... let me know if want go deeper on all of these things.....
As far as i know, my sleep is OK. I don't fall asleep well but I do sleep for about 6 hours. I wake up with anxiety at about 4 am or so - every morning. Meditation is so hard for me because my mind wanders to things I need to do. I have kids and it's always sort of busy and loud.
I'll try the breathing you wrote about. Sometimes deep breathing or square breathing helps me a little. Never for long though. I'm not sure of EFT - but I'd love to hear more if you'd like to share.
Not only depresssion is associated with sleep respiration, but many other ilness, such as diabetes.....even minor chockings, which may affect nervous system, blood oxigen, etc , not even apnea...See this book by Dr. Steven Park and others...Sleep Interrupetd....a minor digest: "Whenever I see an older man with heart disease, high blood pressure, high cholesterol and diabetes on fifteen different prescription medications, it brings tears to my eyes. If his doctors had only asked about his heavy snoring and fatigue twenty years ago, or considered that his father snored heavily and died of a heart attack in his late forties. I know skeptics will say that he would have developed all these things anyway and that there’s no way to prove that treating him for OSA would have prevented the progression of all these medical conditions. My answer is that knowing what we know now, it’s inexcusable for someone like this not to undergo a sleep study to rule out OSA. Even if treating the apneas doesn’t totally cure all the presenting conditions, it can dramatically improve the quality of life, and perhaps cut down much of the daily medication consumed. Medications can come with numerous side effects that only add to the total physical and psychological load on the patient."
This will sound dumb but try eating canteloupe. It helps me a lot with calming and soothing. I thought it was just my imagination but I looked it up and it seems to have this effect on most people.
Content on HealthUnlocked does not replace the relationship between you and doctors or other healthcare professionals nor the advice you receive from them.
Never delay seeking advice or dialling emergency services because of something that you have read on HealthUnlocked.
What does Depression feel like to you? 
I’m 20 and just had a baby and my boyfriend makes me feel like a bad mother
Anxiety makes me feel so ill
Feel like I'm being deceived
Depersonalization is making me feel crazy! 
