I can’t seem to know how to be content with the journey instead of focusing on the destination. I decided a couple months ago to focus on creating and selling art, but I’ve tried this before a year ago, and it didn’t go too well so I gave up. I’m feeling that way again, but I’m still persisting. But deep down I feel hopeless. My original plan was to be a graphic designer for a firm or client, but even that is and would take me a long time to achieve since I’m a beginner (side note: I came back from traveling in the summer and instead of going back to work, I decided to focus on studying and working on graphic design. I had a lot support from my dad, and everything seemed great and a good idea at the time). I’m 26 now. Still living with my parent. If I were younger, I probably would have more patience with myself. But I have this rushing urge to hurry up, get my life together, move out and live on. But I don’t have the patience anymore. I never believed in “just get a job to make money, not a job you’re passionate about.” But I think I might have to do that. But deep down, I don’t think that’s the path that was made for me.
I’m going to be traveling to my family’s country in a few weeks to visit for 3 months. I should be happy and feel blessed that I’m able to travel at all, let alone to such a beautiful country, but I’m a little stressed. I feel like I haven’t made any progress, and I feel like my life here is gonna be put on hold. I’m going to bring my laptop, tablet, everything so I can continue to work, but from my experience the internet there doesn’t work very well so working there may have a lot of limitations for me. These all sound like such trivial things, but my mind is spinning right now. It’s like I’m trying to race time constantly and I can’t freakin stop. I’m going insane.