I couldn't make a day with mom. I ruined new year's eve

[Against_the_current]

I arrived. Dad asked to pick me tomorrow, i declined. Then things changed. Im scared. I messed up a lot. I asked mom to stop drinking and she blew up. She said im a drug addict because of my meds and that she's not a saint. I was terrified as hell and messaged dad i changed my mind and I want him to pick me up. I feel bad for changing my mind twice. Then I told mom im leaving tomorrow and she said she will drive me. I texted dad and I feel really bad for doing it for the third time. I jope i didn't cause myself a bad new year and my sister and mom a bad celebration

[Blunderbuss_bumpkin]

If they had a problem with you changing your mind then they wouldn't say yes, they'd say no. You're allowed to change your mind as many times as you like, it's not a problem. Try to keep your mind off it and have a good time, nye isn't ruined as long as you have fun. I know it's not easy but you've been looking forward to it so don't let anyone take it away from you, you deserve to have a good time! Nye isn't ruined! It was good hearing from you, have fun

[Against_the_current in reply to Blunderbuss_bumpkin]

Thank you so much! Really needed it. You made it better

[Hidden]

it shouldn't matter if you wanna change your mind honestly I change my mind a million times when I get asked to go somewhere and it makes people annoyed but I mean atleast I made up my mind and atleast you get to spend time with your dad and sister. and its a good thing to be able to get away from your mom and not be so stressed and anxious so you can hang with your dad and sister. just know i'm here for you and alot of other people are too. but hey atleast your going somewhere for new years, I'm stuck at home bored asf watching netflix. JUST TRY TO HAVE FUN AND REMEMBER I'M HERE FOR YOU AND NO MATTER WHAT PEOPLE SAY TO YOU, YOU AIN'T NO DRUG ADDICT YOU JUST DOING WHAT THE DOCTORS OR WHOEVER TOLD YOU TO DO SO YOU CAN GET BETTER I HAVE THE SAME PROBLEM EVEN THO SOMETIMES I DON'T TAKE THEM.😃😊😜

[Against_the_current in reply to Hidden]

Hugs. Thank you 😭❤️🤗

[Hidden in reply to Against_the_current]

how was ur new years

[Against_the_current in reply to Hidden]

Pretty bad, i wrote about it. Now im not feeling well as wey

[Hidden in reply to Against_the_current]

damn that sucks mine was bad to

[Against_the_current in reply to Hidden]

Sorry to hear that

[Hidden in reply to Against_the_current]

its fine I hope you feel better and not tryna be rude or offend you by asking but how old r u and r u male or female, im just curious

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

and we can be friends if you want we can vent to each other

[Against_the_current in reply to Hidden]

We can chat. Im a 22yo girl

[Against_the_current in reply to Hidden]

I got back to my accomodation. I fell asleep around 9pm and now at 1am wake up feeling bad in my stomache and anxious and wanting to be home but i can't withness mom drinking but at the same time here i keep on feeling unwell and panicy at sertain times like 8pm and midnight and I wonder can i live alone, is it the place, if i was home i wouldn't wake up or even if i did i would see sis sleeping next to me and calm, my mind is racing. My acid reflux too

[Hidden in reply to Against_the_current]

I understand that, I don't know if i can be alone either. ( live alone ). your gonna be ok your not alone, all I know is what I would do is listen to music and talk to someone who I know will help me deal with stuff and just tell myself that being away from my mom is a good thing because I don't have to see her how the way she is. just think about the good things in life

[Against_the_current in reply to Hidden]

Yeah. Do you have problems with your mother too? I like talking to you. You're really nice and we have similar interests

[Hidden in reply to Against_the_current]

yea it honestly sucks, and I like talking to you to 100%

[Against_the_current in reply to Hidden]

Alright so we can pm and talk about different things and help each other. Just my anxiety makes me say im a bit introverted at times and then extremely chatty, if you don't mind

[Hidden in reply to Against_the_current]

ur good

[Hidden in reply to Against_the_current]

do you support LGBTQ

[Against_the_current in reply to Hidden]

Of course. You ?

[Hidden in reply to Against_the_current]

100% I think im bisexual but idk for sure

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

wbu

[Against_the_current in reply to Hidden]

Same here. I'm bisexual too but same idk for sure so i just say abrosexual (fluid)💗💜💙 ✌️

[Hidden in reply to Against_the_current]

same here

[Against_the_current in reply to Hidden]

Yay, met another bisexual

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I've kissed girls and liked it i've dated girls and liked it to but im still confused

[Against_the_current in reply to Hidden]

It's okay. Im bi myself 🤣

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

actually that means i am 100% since I like kissing and dating girls

[Against_the_current in reply to Hidden]

I haven't dated anyone and I still know it. It's about how you identify yourself. Too busy shipping fictional characters 🤣

[Hidden in reply to Against_the_current]

bruh i get that

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

imma go to bed but im glad were besties talk tommorow??

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

btw your like the coolest person I have ever met like ded serious

[Against_the_current in reply to Hidden]

Awww thank you. Made my day... Night. It's 4am here... Damn i should sleep. Alright good night hun

[Against_the_current in reply to Hidden]

Bruh im older than you and im single4life

[Hidden in reply to Against_the_current]

how im the one whos single for life but how r u single wtf

[Against_the_current in reply to Hidden]

I have never dated. Had situationships and unfortunately only with boys

[Hidden in reply to Against_the_current]

you should try dating a girl its not as bad as people think it is

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

just be yourself and if they don't like you for being yourself and they want you to change then tell them straight up i'm not gonna change who I am just so you can be happy. your stupid for not liking someone for being who they really are. people are messed up they try to convince you that nobody will like you if you don't change.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

people might tell you they aint gonna talk to you because of what you wear or if you don't do drugs or if you dont have sex with them I dont know it could be anything

[Against_the_current in reply to Hidden]

No girl wants me 🥲

They are all straight and bitching

[Hidden in reply to Against_the_current]

shut up theres tons of girls whos gay basically my whole friend group is gay most of the people I hang out with are gay I know tons of lesbians and i know for a fact theres like millions of lesbians and bisexual people in the world im gay/bisexual my friends are bisexual people I dont talk to but i know are bisexual, gay transgender SO QUIT SAYING THAT

[Hidden]

Your mom's alcohol isn't something she needs to cope. Your medication is. That's two different things. Alcohol never solve anything that I've ever seen, medication has. Don't beat yourself up with the comment your mom made. She is wrong. I would've left too to avoid a conflict

[Against_the_current in reply to Hidden]

Exactly. And I don't know how to explain this to her

[012703060610]

Itzallgood1 is spot on. For people who don't understand what we may all be going through, it is nearly impossible to relate to them or to relate to you. It takes a strong friend to really dig in with you for support. I have yet to find that person myself and I ain't getting younger. I had a pharmacist try to withhold a script as my Dr and I decided to got to a longer acting Benzo. This is pretty common from what I know and understand when tapering. I've been dealing with a crazy illness that is a death sentence. Three varying autoimmune diseases but the big one is degenerative and progressive (like a Parkinson's I suppose). My one sister is a doctor and she had to tell my whole family to back off. I've had to become advocate number for myself and my sanity. I've dumped toxic friends (wow, empowering). I've dumped toxic family. They were getting upset when I couldn't make events or trips. To that end, they shouldn't be in my life. If there is no concern for your well being on anything you are going through, they are probably not your closest of friends or family. I have to changed my mind so many times it stinks. I know the build up and then let down after. Some days my body totally fails me. Others, I catch a break, just few and far between.

Anyway, as a bit of a joke, I wrote out a paragraph to my family about a "friend of mine".....I simply replaced 3 autoimmune disorders with 3 cancers in this paragraph. Oh the empathy they had for this friend. Then I sent it using my autoimmune and it finally clicked with them. I've done the same thing to demonstrate the difference and importance between mental and physical health. Autoimmune diseases are real and mental health is real. It seems my parent's generation likes to pretend all is ok.

You made the right call and hope you found a few glimpses of joy. Again.....make sure you are putting yourself first. All of us here probably need to do a better job of that! Mom guilting you with your meds and her alcohol...I've been there. It is a circular conversation. If your Mom is an alcoholic, then she has to decide to want to stop. I have another sister who has drug addiction issues. I am totally done with her. She doesn't want help. I can't watch her do what she does anymore. It triggers me. Here is to maybe some tiny smiles that you had a few good laughs lat night. It's a new year!

[Against_the_current in reply to 012703060610]

Thank you. You're so right. And im sorry you have to deal with it too. Yes, mom's refusing to get any help and even talk about it. It triggers me so bad. I miss my home but i can't go there because i get triggered

[Hidden]

While I am not familiar with Bulgarian culture, it sounds like you are in a difficult family situation and that your mother is not at all supportive. When you decided to go with your dad, you did a thing that you needed to do for yourself. You cannot please all the people all the time and it is important for you to take care of yourself. Your mother may be the kind of person who will never be pleased with anything, so keep that in mind. Overall, it sounds like your family is not functioning very well at times and your main job is to take care of yourself.

[Against_the_current in reply to Hidden]

Thanks. And yeah and it hurts so bad