Will I ever be happy?

[Thistooshallpass7]

This year was my most challenging year emotionally. Everything potentially “good” that happened was soon over thrown by something ten times worse. Just when I thought I’ve gone through it all, the year ended with me finding out that my partner had a baby with someone else for more than a year…. I always felt like something was off and I questioned him about it to which he always made me feel like I was “crazy” . We’d always talk about having kids of our own, since he’s been in my life since 2014, we planned to in 2023 and spoke about it even recently, not knowing all this time he already had his first child with someone else. He cheated on me in the past and I forgave him, I thought things were better but nothing could have prepared me for this. Every single person I attempted to have a relationship with has lied to me, treated me poorly and cheated…. I’m left feeling like I am the problem, I am not good enough and I may never find someone to actually love me. I’m suffering with so much anxiety and depression and I do not know how to get past this.

[RemySue]

I am so sorry you're going through this. I spent my whole life feeling not good enough and it still pops up from time to time. Have you considered counseling to help you see what a gift you are and work through this mess? Please post here as often as you need to-I've found support here that has really helped.

[Thistooshallpass7 in reply to RemySue]

I have tried the counseling but it hasn’t helped much 😔 … thank you for your response 🤗

[RemySue in reply to Thistooshallpass7]

Hang in there

[Blueruth]

you found out before you got married and had a kid! That’s gotta be good no? You’re 30s is when you can find out you can be your own woman. You have some work experience to build on. You don’t have to have a partner unless you want one. And wanting one doesn’t mean compromising for one that is selfish and unkind. Heck you don’t need one to have a baby. You’ll find it easier to find someone real when you have your own sense of self and you don’t need to rely on someone financially. I’d like to encourage you to see what you can do because I bet you are stronger than you think.

[Thistooshallpass7 in reply to Blueruth]

omg this meant a lot. I do want a real loving family, it’s all I want really since I grew up in a broken home . However , it seems far from my reach and I tend to think that because of my age it’s not going to happen, which depresses me more

[Blueruth in reply to Thistooshallpass7]

OMG you have SOOOO much time! Well into your 40s biologically. At your age me and most of my friends hadn't even decided -- emphasis on the fact that women have a choice no matter what the law is. There is no reason why any person that wants kids can't except for health and money depending. "Family" isn't just 2 parents and 2 kids anymore either. I know the average age is older than you. Use this time to take a breather and work on yourself. You will be such a better parent and friend.

[Thistooshallpass7 in reply to Blueruth]

I will really do my best, it’s hard. Thank you so much