You ever feel like you just try to hard?

[Rudolph26]

I've been feeling a bit sick the past few days. Not physically, at least i don't think its physically. I'm just tired and depressed. Sometimes I feel like I settle for things that I shouldn't and other times I think maybe I'm just being too picky, you know? A close friend of mine, and also currently the guy I'm interested in told me that one day he wouldn't mind trying mushrooms a second time.

Let me give you a bit of history on my end. My first boyfriend was a drug dealer who was trying to escape the drug world. I loved him more than anything, especially because he was trying so hard to leave that life behind. However, we broke up because he cheated on me and kept lying about stuff. Since then, pretty much every guy I have been with has been a druggy and alcoholic. Yet, I have never done drugs myself and only heavily drank for about 3 months then quit. I hated that life and never want to go back to that life.

Back to my close friend. I grew up with this guy and I trust him with my life. Even if we aren't supposed to be together, I would want him to be happy. He is a good guy and doesn't do drugs; however, he did do some in the past when he was in middle school. One of which was mushrooms. So, he told me that he would like to try them again, and this really bothered me. I guess its because I never thought I would need to have a conversation about drugs with him, and to be honest, that is a conversation I never wanted to have with him either. I have so much love and respect for him, first and foremost as my friend. So, him saying he wants to try it one last time messed with me a lot. Probably because of the crap I've been through with guys who do it all the time. I can't even compare him to those men because he is nothing like them. Anyway, since we are currently talking about getting into a relationship, I told him that I would not be okay with him doing it. Because I see no point, he tried it before and he had a bad expirence. I don't see the point of him trying it again, and I don't think it is healthy or worth the risks. He claims there are no risks with it; which sounds like garbage if I'm being completely honest. It's a hallucinegen, there are ALWAYS risks with some like that. He also says it is legal in the U.S. Which I have never heard before, so that also sounds like garbage, but i don't know because I didn't research it yet. Anyway, if what he said is true and it didn't have risks and its legal, I told him I would only be okay with it if it was once, and he was doing it in a controlled environment with scientists who are studying it. I said this to find middle ground with him, but after thinking about it more I realized that I really wouldn't be okay with that. I feel like I got into the habit of compromising because I want to try and make things work. And God know's I've tried. And out of anyone I feel he deserves my trying as well, but I feel like trying isn't the same as compromising, and that it should be different. For once, I would appreciate a guy trying too, especially on this subject and knowing my history with men and drugs. I mean, is it really unreasonable to ask a guy I like to not do ANY drugs?

I feel like I'm blowing it out of proportion, because he agreed to only do it under the circumstances I told him and he said it would only be once. Yet, I still have this bad feeling about it and it's gnawing at me. Am I being unreasonable?

[hypercat54]

No you are not being unreasonable at all. Everyone has their deal breakers in any relationship and given your history this is yours. Entirely reasonable and understandable.

What is a bit of a red flag to me is that he is doing this regardless of your feelings. If he does this now he might well disrespect your feelings in the future as well.

Never ever let anyone diss your feelings. If you feel something then that is valid whether anyone else understands or agrees with you.

[Rudolph26 in reply to hypercat54]

Thanks hypercat54,

I also saw it as a red flag and was really feeling down about it. But he is one of my closest friends; so, I figured that maybe he didn’t know how unsettled I was with it. So,

I actually spoke to him about it just now and we had a really long discussion. I explained a little bit more as to why I was uncomfortable with it and he understood and was even encouraging and reassuring me that I wasn’t wrong or crazy for feeling this way. He then went onto say that he wouldn’t try it because of how it made me feel. He said he wasn’t that serious about and it definitely wouldn’t be worth doing if it made me feel the way I did.

Anyway, thank you for the reassurance of my sanity and encouragement to not undermine my feelings/ instincts. Sometimes I tend to downplay them because I’m trying to understand someone else, but your right, this doesn’t mean I should ignore how I feel and its important for me to really analyse why I feel that way and be honest with myself and others about it.

[hypercat54 in reply to Rudolph26]

That's great news and maybe he's a keeper.

I grew up in a household where feelings weren't allowed and we all had to show smiley faces. That is apart from my mother who had a right to scream, shout, and yell coz 'she sacrificed her life for us and she had had such a hard life'. Yuck!

[Rudolph26 in reply to hypercat54]

Dude, I’m sorry that you grew up like that... I experienced something similar but for different reasons. Its kinda hard to explain and not really something I enjoy talking about. So, thank you for sharing that. You obviously have learned a lot about life because of it though, and are willing to advise others so they don’t have to endure the same. I’m really grateful for that, and I’m sure others are too

[hypercat54 in reply to Rudolph26]

Ah bless. Thank you so much for saying that and it makes me feel valued. You are so sweet. 😀🧡🧡 xx

[Rudolph26 in reply to hypercat54]

Your most welcome and thank you if you ever feel like yoy need someone to talk to, don’t hesitate to shoot me a message. I may not have it all together but I’m told I’m a good listener and I never forget when someone has been there for me and always am willing to return the favor. So, thank you again

[hypercat54 in reply to Rudolph26]

No thanks needed Rudolph. We all support and encourage each other on here. xx