Extremely depressed

[nonova1]

I am tired of living this way. I attempted suicide about 10 years ago. It didn't work. I know what to do differently this time. I'm hurting folks. I'm scared

[CamilaD44]

Hey, first of all I'm sorry your feeling this way and I send you a virtual hug. Please don't attempt suicide. I have never attempted suicide but I have felt severely depressed and for the past 3 years I have been chronically depressed. It feels like there is no way out but there always is. Talk to me, what are you feeling? why do you think you feel this way? what do you think you need to feel better?

I have been putting off everything good for me like going to therapy or socializing etc. But its time I take action. Let's take action together, we can do this! You are not alone!

[nonova1 in reply to CamilaD44]

My woman friend died in front of me 10 months ago. We did everything together. We were dialysis partners. I'm 67 and she was 51. She told me after treatment one day that she didn't feel good and just fell over dead. My family has all passed and I feel alone. Memories of my past have some good thoughts but I dwell on the bad. I have no interest in anything. No hobbies. bored and tired.

[shawshankredemention in reply to nonova1]

I am sorry you are hurting. I am so sorry for your loss. I am sure your partner would want you to spend your time on earth enjoying it and not in dispair. Pain/hurt is just temporary, like the weather. It seems like it will never leave, but just as the sunshine turns to rain and rain turns back to sunshine, so will your pain turn to hapiness. That fact that we are all on this site is proof that there are better days to come. In my last 15 years there have been ups and downs, but I cherish the ups and do my best to deal with downs.

[Weatherwoman in reply to shawshankredemention]

Thanks for your reply -- it does help some.

[Weatherwoman in reply to nonova1]

I can relate to your post as my Significant Other who was my Anchor, My Person, My Soul Mate passed away Nov. 3rd of this year. I took care of him the last two & one half years of his life --we were together for 27 years. Grief is SO difficult, but I don't have to tell you --you know, all too well. My family lives far away --in other states. My friends are not that far away, but don't want to, or can't drive across the bridge to see me. We communicate by phone, text; but, basically, I am Alone. I am Alone & Lonely. The house is bitterly quiet. My Sig. Other & I had some wonderful memories; but, like you, I dwell on the bad times, the ill times, the regrets that I have. I am Scared, lost, depressed, anxious, and Tired a lot. So, what do I (we) do. I have started with a Grief Counselor that, at least, I can talk to about how I feel as it doesn't seem like my family, nor friends want to hear much of how I am feeling --until they lose someone SO close, I suppose, it's hard for them to understand. You saying you have No interest in anything is probably depression Perhaps, we can do some kind of volunteer work a couple of times a week which would help others as well as ourselves. Just suggestions. I feel for you & hope that we can find ways to ease the pain.

[nonova1 in reply to Weatherwoman]

Thank you

[shawshankredemention in reply to Weatherwoman]

I understand the home being bitterly quiet. For whatever it is worth. In those moments, I pray and I feel God with me and then I don't feel so alone. I also call a friend. It always isn't a close friend. It might be a friend from 20 years ago...and we have a great conversation. I will keep you in my prayers.

[Weatherwoman in reply to shawshankredemention]

Thank you. I pray, also. I do call/text with friends. Need some people contact -& think volunteering, taking classes, senior center activities, etc. would help. The "endemic" with all the viruses out there gives me Much anxiety (suffer from Panic Disorder, OCD) & all the stress from caring for my Sig. Other, and his passing increased my anxieties. The aloneness I feel without him (Sig. Other) will have to trump my fears.

[nonova1 in reply to CamilaD44]

how did you do today? I stayed in bed till after lunch.

[scansnap]

If you are really feeling suicidal, I would suggest that you call a suicide hotline to get some support and be directed to some help.

It sounds like you have been very depressed for a long time and I'm not sure what you have done to treat your depression, but medication would be helpful initially, and then therapy. Cognitive behavioral therapy has been shown to be highly effective in dealing with depression.

Also consider what things you would like to do that would help you to feel better. If you are feeling depressed, it may be hard to go out and do things, but it will probably help you feel better.

[nonova1 in reply to scansnap]

I am on meds and have been for years. I have had years of therapy including mindfulness and CBT. Spent a few days in the hospital. To me, all this has got me to where I am at, but I'm miserable. I can't afford therapy. That's why I'm here.

[nonova1]

and I thank you

[Brooklyn99]

Hi. I understand that you hurting. Wish I could be of more help than just words. I lost my father in 2020. It was one of the most painful moments of my life. I couldn't even see him due to covid protocols. Grief is different for everyone. But what did help me was the fact that nobody ever really dies. We are much more than our minds and bodies. We are all part of the same universe. I realized that my father was never really gone. It was just his body. But he was so much more than that. Nobody is ever alone. We are all a small part of a big world. Don't give up. We are all in this together.