Need some help...

[RupertBrown]

So I'm asking for some advice on how to help my wife. She has anxiety and depression and it has been pretty bad for most of the past 18 months. Medical and hormonal problems haven't helped the situation. Her biggest stumbling block lately is loneliness. She has no friends and her family does not live nearby. I also have no friends and no family aside from my father. It's not a big issue for me, as I'm kind of an introvert anyway. But she is having a hard time, constantly hearing her coworkers talk about going out with friends.

I was wondering if anyone here has any tips or strategies for meeting new people and making new friends. For context, we are in our 40's and don't have children, so meeting other parents at kids activities is not an option. I am at a loss, I've never been great at this sort of stuff. She is so sad lately and I would give anything to help her even a little bit.

[gajh]

Would your wife be willing to come on here herself so that she can talk with people who understand? I know it isn't as good as in person, but it could help some until she finds in person.

[RupertBrown in reply to gajh]

I have considered that in the past. I am fearful that if she joined the community, one or both of us would start censoring our own posts. I know I have shared things on here that I can't share with her. It sounds wierd, I know, but I am not ready to fully disclose my self harm and I feel like my tone with regards to her hasn't always been great in my posts.

[gajh in reply to RupertBrown]

That makes total sense. Of course. Are you on all of the related sites too or just Anxiety and Depression Support? Are you on Anxiety Support or Major Depressive Disorder? You probably already are. I was just thinking that if not, you could have her join one of those and each stay on your own site for privacy.

[RupertBrown in reply to gajh]

I am just in this group and the CPTSD one. I didn't even realize there were so many, to be honest. That is an excellent idea. I could always go back and scrub my post history as well. I try not to delete old posts, as they serve as a reminder of the progress I have made. Thanks again for the help!

[gajh in reply to RupertBrown]

No I don't think you should delete your old posts. Just don't have her come to this site. Have her only join Anxiety Support and/or Major Depressive Disorder then she cannot see your posts and you cannot see hers.

[MPHLover in reply to gajh]

Excellent idea! I wouldn't have come up with this suggestion! 👍👍

[Ellamaye in reply to RupertBrown]

I invited a struggling friend to join hu after I'd found it so helpful. I changed my user name so we could hopefully be anonymous and I told her not to share her username to me . In the end I don't think she pursued it but I definitely felt differently about posting at first when I thought she had become a member. It felt less of a safe space for me. I'm not saying it would be the same for you guys I'm just telling you my experience x I actually would read a random post and wonder if it was her and if I should be worried in real life. It caused me anxiety on top of my usual anxiety 🙈

[MPHLover in reply to Ellamaye]

I can definitely relate to your fears.

[pamb67 in reply to RupertBrown]

Don't forget to look after yourself

[Hidden]

Hello Rupert I'm sorry your both having it tough, do you have a library ours does a over 5os class twice a week me and my mam intend to go they do days out, or maby a adult education hobby class something's she's interested in arts and crafts pottery making my mam and sister went to one my sister works in adult education as arts n crafts teacher she said it's mainly people who just want to get out and have company, hormones well I was told to stay on my HRT few years back as said it helps with anxiety I'm on low dose hormone replacement therapy patches 🤗🌟

[RupertBrown in reply to Hidden]

Thanks for the idea! She had an issue with her pituitary gland and the extent to which it is affecting her is still not clear. She needs to get more blood work done, but it is so expensive. Her mood swings have improved lately, so we are holding off for now. Thanks again for the suggestion.

[Ellamaye in reply to RupertBrown]

With the issue of making friends..... hobbies are probably the way to meet like minded people. I have a school age child so my connections with people are usually based around that. Not really out of choice if I'm honest but it's still common ground i guess. And something to bond over. Im not really a people person and rarely come across a real friendship. They do pop up in the most unlikely places though. Hu included 🤗

[Agora1]

Hi Rupert, I'm so sorry your wife continues to struggle with loneliness. Finding something

she enjoys doing or learning about can open some doors for her. Park Districts, Libraries,

and Night School have all kinds of subject matters that will allow her to meet others with

the same interests.

When I had time, I use to do that. From Cooking to Sewing to Guitar Lessons to even

Sign Language. It's something fun to do. I'm more like you my friend although not

introverted any more but enjoy my alone time. For me, there are never enough hours

in the day to do all the things I want to in life. She is blessed to have a wonderful

husband like you in her life. My best to both of you xx

[RupertBrown in reply to Agora1]

Thanks for the suggestions Agora! I will do some research with her and see what we can find in our area. Hope you and yours are well and thanks again!

[Hidden in reply to RupertBrown]

How about a yoga class my friends sister's husband died she was only 6o she went to a yoga class they do a relaxation pose with that I used to do it there always nice people at them classes and you don't sit there having to chat it's all about relaxing so in between the positions she could gradually get chatting that's what I did I found swimming helpful too same people at regular times it's relaxed and as your on your own no pressure to speak I'm looking to get a dog when my mam dies to get me out and dog walkers are so friendly I think it's best way to make friends I know quite few as I walk in a park regular 😊

[Downinil]

Hi Rupert…! If you need a friend I’m always checking for people on here. I need a friend too. Message me if you feel like it.

[punkster]

Think about things that you and your wife like to do. If you like to hike, join a hiking group. If you are religious, join a church. If you are into helping people, help out at a food bank, a homeless shelter, etc. If you like pets, volunteer at an animal shelter. If you are into politics, join a political group. If you like the outdoors, join the Sierra Club. If you like to read, join a book club. Check out the website meetup. There are unlimited opportunities to meet people.

[Cpearl]

Wow what a sweet husband you are! I don't know if she know it or not but she has the best friend she could ever have right now, you! It's so wonderful that you are trying to help her and I have seen all the suggestions in reply to help. Sorry, maybe it's just me, but when coworkers are talking about plans with friends, they sound single. She should boast about her plans with you. Maybe a romantic weekend getaway, or dinner plans at a nice restaurant.

[rbbmessenger]

my wife and I recently joined a volunteer group that helped fill food bags at a large food bank and volunteer at local hospital Not saying we made life long friends but we were out and meeting new people and interacting

[pamb67]

I know u say your wife doesn't have friends but at least she has you! who sounds like the bestest friend she'll ever have because you care so much .