I didn't realize this early enough in in life. My pain and sadness needs to be hidden from the world. My ex once said, "Everything you say is negative." Woah....... I don't want to be that person. I try to be as positive as possible when I interact with other people. I wear hats, sunglasses, interesting clothes so people can't see or don't notice my depression, they can't see that dead look in my eyes.
I even fake it with my family. My mom doesn't think depression is real, which is bizarre to me. My first cousin on her side shot himself because he was depressed. I have another cousin on her side who goes through suicidal behavior, two attempts. Anyhow she doesn't want to hear about it when I am struggling, hurt, sick.... She is always telling me to stop taking my medicine. when I hurt my arm, she told me I was getting old and I will heal slower. I was high on the pain scale for a couple of weeks before I went to the doctor because of some of the things she said. I really damaged my arm from my elbow to my fingertips. I have to remember she stopped being compassionate when I was in my teens. She gave until she could give no more. I can't tell her anything. We talk about interior design, gardening...
My sister is overwhelmed. One brother doesn't believe depression is real, the other doesn't really talk to me. My auntie understands it because of her daughter. My friends are few but they know I try not to talk about it, I ask what is going on with them.....
People don't want to hear about sad things. I am a big fake in life. I can't feel my life good or bad. Sometimes I just want to fly my crazy flag, relax and be me.
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Raggedy-Ann
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I feel that it is not all or nothing here. I think the challenge is to know when to be honest and to know when to be "polite". I have friends who I know that I can complain to about the normal ups and downs of life. And they can complain to me. And there are some friends who can even listen to me when I am in a crisis. And then there are friends /accquaintences who I am mostly superficial with.
I have realized that it is difficult to be a friend or partner to someone who has the issues that we do. That doesn't mean that we are bad or wrong.
I am sorry about your experience with your friend. That sounds really hard and sad. 😔
This is what I have come to terms with as well. I had to figure out who was there for ME, and who just wanted to be around me when I was "all good". I cut a lot of people off for this reason.
we are close in age. My mother and siblings deny all mental illness. My aunt was on antipsychotics at one point. My guess is bipolar. My father acted like he was on the autism spectrum if you paid attention… he could hide it by being a geek and hiding in his office. It does make people uncomfortable. Often they want to help but they don’t know what to do. That could be your husband. When people are chronically ill like cancer the same thing happens. Having a therapist is really helpful for getting it out and also figuring out how to communicate your needs to the people closest to you.
I'm really sorry to hear this. This isn't uncommon for those with chronic illness and depression. My parents used to believe "mind over matter" when my siblings and I were growing up, but as we got older and were able to take our health and treatments into our own hands they learned a lot different. Unfortunately, some extended family still have that same mindset. Over the years, I have figured out who is there for ME (no matter if I am struggling, or I am happy), and who just wants to be present when I am in a good place. Like others have said, people get tired of hearing the same issues over and over, or they want to help and don't know how and they can't handle being "useless" so they get overwhelmed and can't handle it. Which I always found amusing seeing as we can't really escape our mental health or physical health so how dare we inconvenience others with them not being able to help us. I cut a lot of people off over the years because I got tired of 1. lying about being fine when I felt like I was falling a part, and 2. feeling like I was a burden. I know that the people in my life are there because they want to be now, and they are there because they sincerely love me... Whether I am okay or not. It's not a lot of people, but I am thankful for the few who have stuck with me. With new treatments and therapy I have recently started improving and those people who I cut off are slowly popping in the picture again. I will talk to them, but I don't open up- there's no need to. Having a GOOD support system is so important. It's okay to need a little help, and being in therapy is a great option so that we don't always offload everything on everyone else. It's also my safe place to offload EVERYTHING without judgement. Hiding what you're going through and how you're feeling to appease everyone else is not healthy. You need someone to be honest with. I made friends with two ladies in particular through online support groups several years ago, and we video chat/voice call/ im and text all the time. Here we are, years later and still talk all the time. Man, we have been through a lot of rock bottoms together, and celebrated some great times together. I couldn't have gotten where I am today without them ❤️ We can't give up on ourselves.
Never feel ashamed for how you are feeling. Your feelings matter. You matter. I'm going to private message you, if that's alright. Having someone to talk to is always so important when you're going through hard times. Like I said in my above post, the friends I have made via support groups have really gotten me through some of the darkest times of my life. I couldn't have made it to where I am without them. Never feel like you are less than. You are valuable. ❤️
Yes, they do. Sometimes it just takes time. Starrlight, I sent you a private message. I hope you don't mind. You don't have to get back to me if you don't want. I wish you all the best.
I’ll check my pms later today thank you that’s kind of you to take the time. I have some problems with one of my kid’s health after a doc visit the doc is concerned I’m concerned and I’m really thinking a lot about it I can’t stop I’m tearing up now because my worry is overwhelming…
I'm so sorry to hear that. I hope everything is alright. I always feel so helpless when my child is ill. At one point we went from doctor to doctor to find out what was wrong and it turned out me being chronically ill helped because it pushed me to be her advocate and get her to where she needed to be. It's hard to be strong for our children when we feel so helpless, we are still human... even though our kids see us as superheroes. I always tried to hold it together for her, and then I would fall apart in the shower. No one understood, but I did because she ended up with one of my conditions, and then one that my sister has. So they connected on that. I'm here whenever you want to talk. Sending hugs, hope, and strength.
I get that - we have to be so strong and yet we are human and our mental illness tries pulling us down from climbing where we need to be and yes being a mama AKA superhero is hard work but you were strong for yours and I intend to be strong too. Driving out of my comfort zone a bit to take my son to imaging tomorrow if my other son is doing okay with his virus otherwise I will stay and take care of him and go to imaging another day.
I have a friend I have know for about 30+ years. He knows most everything. He came through my town last spring with his band. We decided to all have lunch together. I met them for the first time, and five minutes later my friend announces to the table/restaurant in his booming voice and laughter announces that I've had a lot of electro shock therapy! I sat there feeling the ring master brought in a freak. I was aghast. Everyone at the table was looking at me. I didn't know what to say. My friend got up and went to the restroom. I just told them the truth. Everyone looked uncomfortable. Matt my friend came back and laughed at me through lunch. Had it been just about anyone else I would have called him out and left. I was pissed and embarrassed. What had he told them ahead of time? I stared at the menu thinking you want crazy, I'll show you crazy. Anyhow after they left town I texted him and told him how I felt. Why would he bring up something so personal from 20 years ago? I ended the friendship.
That’s awful that someone had to put you on the spot like that. I think some people don’t understand and don’t even want to try to understand. They’d rather be in their own world. It’s a hard thing to talk about with people. Some people are very superficial and you can’t talk about anything very deep with them. In some ways I feel abandoned by my parents too. Like I just can’t talk to them about certain things. I guess it’s emotional abandonment.
So, so your SIL is being empathetic to you? That's good. I'm sorry you are going through a hard time. I truly hope you get back on your feet soon. Don't give up! If you want to chat, you can private message me as well.
I know the feeling. I just went through that kind of thing with my Dad. Yesterday he wanted me to help him with this household project of coming into my room to get the heater to work better. I had already told him the day before that I couldn’t do it right away. He didn’t seem to hear that and then he’s bothering me on a Sunday to do it right away, right now!!! That’s when I lost it, told him the world does not revolve around him, and left the house for awhile before I was ready to tell off both of my parents. I’m very stressed out about a lot of stuff right now, and it just seems like no one really cares, everything is all about them!!! Yes, I do respect my parents, but if they just want to ignore me and have no respect for my time and what I’m going through, they expect too much and they shouldn’t be surprised that someone is telling them no.
All of you hid or lied about was & is & will always be valid. So hide ur truth no more .
Everything we think & feel are all real & true as we think them , others won't possibly understand but let's be honest not even thr doctors , specialist or even the therapists out there can fix it ..... even we can't fix it & it's our own minds , all we can do is accept we no longer who we were & start to adapt to make the way we do things work best for us.
If others don't like hearing the truth then that's their problem not urs . U didn't ask for any of it & that goes for all of us . Don't be ashamed of the truth as it will truly show U the hearts of others.
Well I know this isn’t going to be the end of it. I’m sure he’s going to start up some passive aggressive behavior and he already has. He just took the trash out and decided to ignore getting the trash in my room. I just took it out myself. I told him I have some time on Wednesday afternoon and I can help him then. Case closed. If he wants to mess with me, he’s messing with the wrong person. I’m getting my laundry done right now and staying in my room with the door locked as far away from him as possible. He can find something else to do if he’s bored rather than bother me. My Mom doesn’t want to be around him either. She just took the car and went out shopping.
when I call anyone, I say hi, are you busy? You never know what people are doing .
if I get a call I say something like, wonderful can you hold on for just a moment or can I call you back in five minutes. You don't have to say anything else. I do my best to be polite and not give an excuse, don't share any unnecessary personal information. You will be judged by what you say.
Thank you for asking. I am still in a holding pattern doing even more tests. I hurt my rt arm at the beginning of October. My mom had a snarky remark about it. I waited thinking it would heal. I waited three weeks and the pain would spike bringing me to tears. I couldn't lift a water bottle. I saw the dr for that yesterday. My arm is still swollen so he gave me some shots and stopped my PT. My left arm is tired. So, I am scared about the heart and lung issues and in pain. I barely eat, the pain is in charge.
I got the results from my echocardiogram and my heart is fine! I am riding that high as long as possible. I still have fluid in my chest but it doesn't have anything to do with my heart.
I am sorry you feel as though no one want to understand you and allow you to openly express yourself. This community is a chance for you to share your feelings to people that care and what you to feel support because they can understand where you are coming from.
I understand that about asking what's going on with friends than talking about yourself. I've always said to my friends "I rather listen to someone else's problems because I'm tired of listening my own."
I've lied about my anxiety and depression because I didn't want to bring down anyone else's fun. And I'm worried about"embarrassing myself " if I have anxiety attack in front of others. Plus I already had bad experiences with teachers and family. So I just said I'm fine. Even though I went to bed every night hoping to not wake up again all through my teens.
But I'm learning that anxiety is always going to be with me. And learning that it won't hurt me. None of that is easy to learn. I'm getting there slowly.
Your post makes me think of a quote "I used to think that the worst thing in life was to end up alone. It’s not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel all alone.”
I'm sorry you feel misunderstood, unvalidated and unheard. However know you are welcome here 🫂
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