I can't even explain it. My brain is fried. I want to curse. I can't even talk to her. She's toxic. Talked about how sth bad happened to grandma and If she cares so much about granma who's over dramatic, she should call her herself not give me her burdens. I get scared she drank. I feel uncounsciously my mom's manipulating me and i get triggered just by her calling. And the "i love you. You're smart and beautiful and our family is powerful" bullshit. How can't my goddamn fucking dumb mom not understand this manipulation doesn't sell, i ve heard it 100 times, and i feel like throwing up every time i hear it. Idk If im just phobic of my parents or they're really that bad or both but i want to scream. And i'm a graduate. My brain is fried. And nobody helps. I scream for help. And nobodyThinking, damn phsychoanalysis, thinking about how i never saw a functioning couple and now everyone leaves me. Friends dissapear. Just dissapear. Never really had a relationship. I don't even have to whom to vent.
I told mom im overwhelmed and i cried at class (nobody gave a damn tho). She said she's crying too. Now i'm scared she's crying too. Living is pain
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Against_the_current
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8 Replies
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Hey, I’m sorry things have been so rough. You will make new friends, it takes time. Sounds like some of the people you were hanging around weren’t that great anyway. You’re better off not trying to be too friendly with anyone who’s messing around with drugs or wants you to do their homework for them. There’s better people out there. And they are out there, you just need to make some new connections. And that’s terrible that your Mom acts like that. Will she even try to stop drinking? Sounds like she really has a problem.
hi there! I totally understand what you’re going through. I had a mom that didn’t care about me and very toxic. I had to cut her off so I can breathe . Go to counseling and therapy if you can. Get an inperson support group. You’re intelligent and brave. You ARE against the current cuz you know you want to heal and get better. Make a list of what you can do to improve the situation and start from there. You love yourself and no need for your mom’s toxic love cuz she’s a mess and can’t love you the way you need to be loved by a normal mom. Things will get better!
If she is so toxic and triggers you - take a break from her. Explain that you need some time to heal yourself and tell her you won't be in touch for a while. Then, don't take her calls. It is OKAY to do this. It is sometimes necessary to do this. I took a break from my mother for a few years until I was in a place to deal with her. My sister took a break - and still has virtually no contact with her. Both options are OKAY. Sometimes you simply have to cut toxic people, even family, out of your life for your own well-being. Know that you are not alone.
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I feel so odd. (Im fighting hard to socialise and get a job but it's not "just do it")
