Help, i messed up

[Against_the_current]

Im here crying myself out, trying to find someone to call. Read my last posts. It was Easter, i was at Grandma's. Already triggered. Mom and sis were leaving me in my accommodation city and sis wanted to go on a walk. The walk triggered me. I got back to my accommodation tired and triggered. And found out my flatmate is moving out. His microwave and all kitchen stuff is missing. Now i will either have to pay for the kitchen or move out. I panicked. Tried to calm on my own but couldn't. Searched for crisis lines. None for my case. Tried to call my therapist and proffesor, no answer. Tried to call friends, they were busy. So i called mom but she was in a bad mood, she suggested i go back to home and start a job there. Im not well enough to start a job or to go home. She said "i can assign you to a job". This paniced me so much i scrolled my phone and called a friend but this friend is her friend and im scared she will tell mom and mom will be upset, throw tantrums, think i talked bad about her, loose her shii. I can't stop crying and panicing and getting worse. If only someone was actually there to talk to me. But there's nobody and it gets worse and worse. Hotlines here are about domestic violence towards wives and children. I tried calling but i couldn't find anyone to help me or even pick up the phone. I guess im not important. Mom thinks giving me 25 bucks is a big deal. Dad pays for my living, not her but yet she feels like she can tell me what to do

[Starrlight]

I hear you. That’s hard, all the stress you are under. Try to take care and set aside times you will not worry or think of things that bother you if you can.

[Against_the_current in reply to Starrlight]

Thanks, need to try this

[SoporRose]

Can you check in with your flatmate or the landlord to find out what is going on?

[Against_the_current in reply to SoporRose]

Flatmate isn't here and i can't stop crying to call to the landlord

[SoporRose in reply to Against_the_current]

What about sending the landlord a text message? That might be better anyway, because then you'll have a record of of what you get told.

[Against_the_current in reply to SoporRose]

I don't think he can text. I talked to him in person. Im disgusted

[SoporRose in reply to Against_the_current]

By what exactly? Tell me more. I want to understand, but not guess in case I get it wrong.

[Against_the_current in reply to SoporRose]

I don't have any of his socials nor want. It's an old creepy man that cringes me out every time

[SoporRose in reply to Against_the_current]

Got it.

Yuck.

[rubyrhythm]

I have panic attacks sometimes. Just had one a few hours ago which I why I'm on this site. Something I started doing a couple months ago when I don't know what else to do is to hum. I just breathe in, and then breathe out and hum a note. Over and over. Focusing on breathing in and humming out. And then try to feel where the humming is resonating in my body. The first time I did it, I felt a little ridiculous. But I didn't know what else to do so I kept humming. I actually hummed myself to sleep. Yep, still sounds a little ridiculous. It doesn't fix my problems or change my situation - but for me it somehow helps my emotions. And when my emotions settle, I can start to problem solve.

[Against_the_current in reply to rubyrhythm]

Thank you. It's not stupid, it actually helps the nervios system regulate itself. I'm sorry you had a panic attack too. Where do you feel your humming? I just tried. I don't feel right if it's in my throat. Bettter in my nose, lungs

[rubyrhythm in reply to Against_the_current]

I change the pitch around sometimes to see where the vibration moves to. So I feel it in my nose or throat but also often feel it in my chest and abdomen. When it resonates in my abdomen is when I start feeling the most calm.

[Against_the_current in reply to rubyrhythm]

True