Yesterday was a bad day. Barely kept it together. Had to take my dad for eye surgery and get him situated at home. Anxiety attack at work, out of it all day, light headed off and on. Almost self harmed, had the blade in my hand. Put it down, but I was right there. Was able to string together enough coherent thoughts to have a good talk with the wife in the evening. It helped a little, but this morning I'm back to square one. Have a bad headache on top of everything else. Don't know how I'll make it through. And a toxic/alcoholic friend keeps pressuring me to come over my house. Says he has a birthday present for me, but I just can't deal with him in this state. Been trying to stop seeing him, but he is not getting the message and its causing me so much anguish. Can't concentrate on anything. Just looming dread. Supposed to do some fun things this weekend but I am just not feeling it. I'm not myself these days, like I'm someone else just watching my life. Heart is racing, head is pounding, feels like I'm losing it. A week ago I was in such a better place. What the Hell happened? I can't keep doing this. Oh well, time to go to work and play make-believe that I'm fine for nine hours.
A losing battle...: Yesterday was a bad... - Anxiety and Depre...
A losing battle...
Ugghh, sounds like a lot of stress. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed trying to deal with too much. I’m surviving on disability but I just got a new job working part time and so far I’m happy with it. Just breathe. Take things as they come. Don’t take on too much and get yourself stressed out.
Hey GGDF, glad to hear your new job is working out! I remember you were kind of nervous about it. Thanks for the reminders. One of my problems is I just keep taking stuff on and don't know when or how to stop, until I feel like I'm drowning. Thanks again!
Thanks for the reply. This thing with my friend really has me worked up. I have panic attacks when he texts me. This has been going on for months. Whenever I get close to pulling the plug I get a guilt trip about how long we've known each other and I lose my nerve. Now I'm backed into a corner because he has a birthday present to give me. I can't get up the strength to end it and I can"t live with dragging it out either.
I will try. One foot in front of the other. Keep your head down and keep marching.
I am really sensitive to the changing seasons. Will fall coming I'm having a hard time some days. The headache could be from the weather. I know it triggers sinus headaches and migraines for me. It sounds like you have had a rough week. I'm sorry. Just get through today any way you can and hopefully you will be able to enjoy your weekend activities.
It is not harsh. It is what I needed to hear. I am so used to just going along with everyone else's wishes that I neglect my own. It is such a hard habit to break, I have lived my entire adult life that way. This came up in my conversation with my wife last night. At this point I don't even want the gift, I just want to be left alone. Thank you for your warm and insightful replies, I do believe you have hit the nail on the head.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. And I get it. That’s why we’re on here right? Because we GET IT like other people don’t. And hopefully we can all support each other.
Just a few thoughts…
-Celebrate the huge victory of not self harming. YOU ARE STRONG. Let that encourage you.
- Give yourself some grace, some self compassion. You’re not “losing it”… you’ve been under incredible emotional stress.
-Could you maybe text your friend that you’re going through some stuff and you need space for a while? (I don’t know the specifics but if someone is toxic for you, you do NOT need to see him right now.) If you lose the friendship over it, maybe that is ok, if it is not healthy/helpful for you.
-Is there any way you can take a day off work? A “mental health day” as they call it… but to your employer maybe call it a family emergency or just call in sick. But you need to take care of you right now. If you had a day to rest and breathe and do some active, healthy self-care/coping techniques, it might help.
-Do you have a counselor/therapist? Could you ask for a phone appointment with them? Might help to have that added bit of support for the moment until you feel more stable.
-Thanks for sharing. I know that can be hard sometimes. But we are here, and we care.
-If you really feel like you can’t keep on, seek help. I’ve had to take some hard steps to keep myself safe a few times, but it is worth it.
-Hang in there, my friend. We are all warr;ors! 💙
Thanks for such a kind and thoughtful response. I have already had that conversation with him twice. Maybe it is starting to work, he didn't pester me again yesterday. We'll see what happens today. I don't have a therapist. Thought about going to one several times over the last few years but they are expensive. Thank you again.
There is an online therapy option that allows you to choose a therapist based on tons of factors, to fit just what you need. Not terribly expensive and I’ve heard really good things about them. Called Better Help. Might be worth checking out. Praying for you. I know how hard it can get. Hang in there!
Hi RupertBrown
Some days are tough, and you want to break everything just to reset your life.
You had the energy and the strength to not self harm. You will have the courage to say that friend "I won't be home, let the present at the door". This is your defense and your well being that are important.
How are you dad's eyes today ? What sort - May I ask - of surgery did he get ? Were you the one driving him to hospital and back home ?
What are the plans for today ? What ate you gonna do for you ? What will you invent to smile or laugh ?
Oh ... And we're here, also, all around the world, to discuss. Let's do it !
Have the most beautiful day since yesterday!
O
Hi and thanks. My father had cataract surgery. I had to take him there and get him home. It wasn't stressful and he is fine. Its just that day was my birthday and he forgot. I get wierd about my birthday and there was a lot going on and it all became too much.
Hey again RupertBrown
I can both understand that your dad forgot about your birthday and this making you sad. Both sides are perfectly normal.
Why no go and meet your dad (and mum if she is here) tomorrow with a cake and candles to celebrate "dad's cataract and you eldering" ? It is a way to enjoy for two very important.
What do you think?
O
Its not that big a deal, I kind of just like to get my birthdays over with and move on.
I can understand this, as we all can. Better have a blind daddy or a mate birthday ?
Im sorry you feel this way!
You are not alone!
I need to go to work and pretend everything is OK, but is not!
Yesterday I had an anxiety attack in the kitchen at work..took a med and calmed me down.
Its hard to fight this disease!
Stay strong my friend!
I will try. And you do the same. 💪
I'm very sorry. I hope today is better.
All the advice, insights and commentary are right on point. YOU are the most important person in your life. YOU have a right to feel the way you feel about your friend without feeling guilty. We anxious people are hyper hyper sensitive and somehow once our emotional barometer is off it can really go in extreme directions that lead to panic attacks, physical symptoms etc. I feel for you and hope you won't self harm and take care of your needs. 💫👏💫🦋🌈
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