I'm Losing My Battle!: I have tried so... - Anxiety and Depre...

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I'm Losing My Battle!

Kiltyman
Kiltyman

I have tried so hard for so long to at least control this dark place I find myself in so often. My emotional rollercoaster just continues as my health starts to deteriorate. Although I have suffered from PTSD and acute anxiety for many years medications have always seemed to give me the ability to cope. Not anymore! I am estranged from my family, ignored by my former friends and feel totally abandoned and worthless. If it wasn't for my strong faith I would have taken the easy way out like my mother did at age 55. But I can no longer see any light at the end of the tunnel. My illusions of being happy again and seeing my grandchildren growing up have invaded my daily thoughts and makes daily life almost unbearable. There is no meaning left in my life. I have given up on escaping the darkness. I must learn now to be content with my date and surrender to the inevitable. As a veteran the thought of losing this battle has just totally humiliated me. I used to be a leader and a strong man. What this sickness has done is left me as a shell of the man I used to be. God's peace be with you all.

9 Replies
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I'm not a veteran, so I can't speak to what you've gone through. But it is hard enough to want and ask for help in the first place. What I can speak to is not having any family or friends, and that is awful. But it is possible to come back from that feeling.

Six months ago I had no adult friends where I live and it had been that way for a year. I forced myself out to speak to people and now the smartest, most beautiful woman on Earth is taking a nap in my bed and helps put off depression daily. Please don't give up. We need more people who are smart and sensitive and thoughtful.

Kiltyman
Kiltyman in reply to Jdavid2000

Thank you for your reply. It is nice to hear when others have found some peace. Continued success.

Jdavid2000
Jdavid2000 in reply to Kiltyman

I want it for you too. I hope happiness comes to you.

I am so sorry your in that place of darkness...but my friend....you are not alone. Your in the right place here to share all you need and want to about what your feeling and going through....many of us understand....we have been there and some are there now with you. It's not fair, and we did nothing wrong, we don't deserve this....and some days we blame ourselves and thing something we did caused this, that we are any less deserving help and acknowledgement is not true.....your pain is valid...you matter....

Kiltyman
Kiltyman in reply to fauxartist

Thank you for your kind words.

fauxartist
fauxartist in reply to Kiltyman

Being a Vet is a hard place to be, there are a couple of them here who have to deal with this, and it's a high price they paid..... my heart goes out to you....

Have you ever considered that the battle you talk about might well be the main reason why you have suffered for so long with depression and anxiety? By giving up my battle and letting myself fall into any state and resisting none of it, I recovered from thick anxiety and depression. The irony is that by giving up trying to control it all, all the symptoms faded away and I regained control.

I learnt all of this through the teachings of Dr Claire Weekes who wrote books about nervous illness and how to recover by accepting the symptoms and allowing yourself to feel them willingly, and not doing anything about them.

It makes no difference how long you may have suffered. Acceptance paves the way by giving your tired mind and body the chance it needs to recover from the constant battle with yourself to feel differently. The natural physiological healing process of the human body does the rest for you, in the same way you recover from an illness or injury.

Let the leader and the strong man that you said you used to be, define you as a person. Don’t let depression fool you into believing that it can define you. Depression is not you, and you’re not depression. I hope you find your inner leader again, because I believe that’s the person you truly are!

Let me tell you something about depression. It's not going to win. You seem to be a man who dedicated his life to his country and you will surely need to put that same dedication towards yourself if you want to win this war. The battle may have been lost. But ask yourself this, "What can I learn from this?" Each loss is a lesson and the fact that you have hit an all time low is good (i tend to see the positive in this) because when you have reached the lowest of lows ,the only way left to go is...

Much Love to you and we are praying for your recovery! Remember it all starts with you

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