Battling depression and suicidal thoughts

[dixont04]

Hi, my name is Tiffany and my mom abused me physically and verbally when I was a kid. When I was 15 she wanted me to sleep with her older male friend because she said I was bad and he could cure me from being bad. I always wanted to commit suicide as a kid. Now that I'm older she still hates me. She made my other siblings stop talking to me. I recently got engaged and she hates me even more. I feel so depressed all I want is a mother like normal people and I never got that in my life. How can I get rid depression?

[Nutella06]

You need to find someone you feel safe talking to this about in the mental health field. Maybe even start with a licensed therapist with some years of experience. Research online or if you are close to anyone friends or other family members see if they can recommend anyone. You can also see your primary care physician and get a referral from them. I hope you can find someone to talk to so they can advise you what things you might try. If you have been consistently depressed for over 2 weeks to a month, you will probably have to see a psychiatrist to get on an antidepressant. I hope that you can find the help you need and don't be discouraged if the 1st person you see doesn't help. Just move on to someone else.

[Imakook in reply to Nutella06]

I had to tell you, I absolutely LOVE your user name. Mine is "I'm a kook" so looks like we're on the same page. Now I"ll reply to Tiffany, because I've "Been there; Done that." Hugs!

[hypercat54]

Hi from what you have said your mother sounds awful and I am so sorry she treats you like this. You are not going to be able to turn her into a 'normal' mother but what you can do is protect yourself from her. This involves maybe cutting all contact with her - is this possible? If not then build some emotional walls against her so she can't hurt you so much.

She is never going to give you the support and approval you crave so don't waste your time trying to make her. My mother was similiar so I speak from experience. You are engaged now so concentrate on building your life with your partner and seeking what you need from him and friends and maybe other members of your family.

If you are depressed then seek help from the doctor. x

[Vonnah]

Hi, my dad was verbally and emotionally abusive too. I understand and i'm sorry your struggling with this. That is not how a normal good loving mother is supposed to act. You deserve better.

Have you tried seeking a therapist? Or psychiatrist? Try talking to your general primary doctor about your depression. They can prescribe a antidepressant. Those can help but it takes time to find the right one for you. Exercise helps with depression. Your body releases feel good hormones that help boost your mood. Try being enaged in new activities or hobbies. Eating healthy. These things can help you cope along with counseling and medication and then hopefully you will not feel the need for therapy and medication anymore. There is no cure for depression or any other mental illness but the main goal is to learn how to manage your symtoms and feelings. And use healthy coping methods when times get dark.

I hope i helped. You can private message me anytime because i can relate to you about abuse from a parent. Stay strong and please don't give up things will get better. Focus on the things you can only control. Cut toxic people out of your life and you know your mother is no good (abusive). Once you surround yourself with good people with good intentions. You can go through recovery and not worry or live in your past anymore.

❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

[Hidden in reply to Vonnah]

I agree with you Vonnah about engaging in new and positive experiences. Gradually, over time, the new memories will replace the negative, old ones.

[Vonnah in reply to Hidden]

Yeah of course, do you think you may have PTSD from the abuse? It's okay to admit you need help. Nightmares, flashbacks, panic attacks, startled from loud noises or people touching you from behind, intrusive thoughts, suicidal thoughts, irritability, going out of your way to avoid the places, people, sounds, images, etc that remind you of the abuse.

Those symtoms over 2 months i believe is PTSD but even if you don't i highly recommend getting counseling for abuse. Things like that need to be taken care over because it might come back to mess with you if you just bury it and not seek help. I hope i helped you❤

[dixont04 in reply to Vonnah]

I never thought about that thank you so much. I wish I knew how to get counseling

[Vonnah in reply to dixont04]

It's actually pretty easy as it was for me personally. Just ask your primary doctor if he or she can simply refer you to a counseling/therapy place. I did just this and the therapist actually was working in the same building where i see my primary doctor. I even asked my doctor if i can have a female therapist and she put that in the system as well. I highly recommend it and it's a huge and exciting step forward into getting the help you rightfully deserve❤

[Hidden]

Try Zoloft 100 mg it helps with suicidal thoughts. I also take trazadone at night to sleep. If u need immediate relief, ask for Xanax or any other benzo.

[Kitty487]

First, don't beat yourself up over your mother. You probably won't ever get her to be a normal mother. You should remove her instead of taking all of the stress it puts on you. You've found someone you love and want to spend the rest of your life with, that should be a very happy time in your life for you! Maybe his mother can be a mother figure for you and maybe you'll grow a bond with her. I'm currently in counseling, seeing a Psychiatrist, and on antidepressants. You could try reaching out to a Psychiatrist and she may be able to help you find something to suppress the suicidal thoughts. Also, talking really does help. I go to counseling and it DOES help. Maybe all you need is to see someone and tell them what you're going through. They'll help you with answers you can't figure out and decisions. They'll help you look at situations better. That's my suggestion. I really hope it all works out for you. Don't let your mother bother you, instead reach out to the people who love you. I give all my luck to you, feel better!

[dixont04 in reply to Kitty487]

Thanks a lot I’m currently looking into seeing a psychiatrist.

[User1964 in reply to dixont04]

Definitely get a therapist as well. I, too, was verbally abused by my mom. I self medicated with alcohol from age 15. I'm 53 now and ended up in an outpatient intensive program because of the alcohol abuse and the "stuffed" feelings. It's SO important to talk about your trauma. Believe me. You don't want to end up feeling crappy for most of your life.

[Windy101]

No one deserves to be treated that way. That was not mothering. That was exploitation and severe abuse. I hope that you have taken steps to protect yourself from having your mom in your life. She sounds like a very sick person and it's understandable that you've been depressed.

You've gotten excellent advice here about finding professional help so that you can begin to heal and stabilize your emotions.

I hope that you can surround yourself with kind people who see your inner beauty and potential and who will support your goals and dreams! If there are people in your life who treat you badly and make you feel sad about yourself, they need to go.

[Imakook]

Hi Tiffany. I'll bet I started a reply to your post a dozen times! I'd get through my whole long story, get distractd, come back to it & my reply was gone!

I'll give you a couple of good examples from my life as a child of alcoholics.

I remember my mother was yelling at me (either drunk or hung over) while I was filling the dishwasher. She threw a drinking glass at me and luckily I had just bent down to put something in the dishwasher when the glass smashed into the wall where my head would have been.

Next example shows how cruel alcoholism can make s person. I had been admitted to the hospital due to a case of mono. They used to routinely test for venereal disease. I did not know I had a weird blood that would test as positive even though it was negative.

So, I was only 14 and the dr. told me I had VD. The only one who believed me was my best friend. She knew I was still a virgin.

Once the dr. told my mother she had a field day! She called me Syphillis Sue & Gonnorhea Girl around my friends and anyone else who might be around.

My parents are both deceased as a result of their lifestyle. I am a recovering alcoholic and actually have a good spiritual relationship with them. I know they had a disease & that was why they were violent with each other.

Here's how I'm getting better. I joined a program called Alanon 6-1/2 years ago. It helps but I'm finding an even MORE relatable program. It took me until I was 60 to make this a part of my life. Hete is the website. They have meetings in person or you could go to adultchildren.org

I hope this helps. You leatn how to re-parent your inner child & it can be hard, but it is excellent & I am excited to take this huge step. We ACAs can face a crisis..no problem...but we never learned how to "do life". Our inner sadness will change to self-love.

In my journey I have found I have many issues...ADHD, anxiety, depression and personality disorder. I am also recovering from a multi-level spine surgery. I pray my journey takes me to happy & wonderful places.

You can't change your mother or her personality, but you can let go of anger & resentment so that you can enjoy this moment. You've nothing to lose & everything to gain!

Take Care, Honey. Big, big HUGS!!!

[dixont04 in reply to Imakook]

I’m so sorry that you went through this. It’s very hard letting go of all the anger. Everyday I get flashbacks of my childhood. I live with my grandma and my siblings and she recently moved in and basically took over so none of my siblings talk to me. She cooks for the family everyday but I can’t eat the food she cooks or buys in the house. I’m currently looking for an apartment.

[Barneybetsy]

Hi Dixon My heart goes out to you it really does. I’m from the uk and I’m a mum if 3 grown up children. I cannot imagine treating any of my children like you have been treated. You seem a lovely person. So g please get away from your mother who seems really toxic and caused you so much hurt. You need to see you can function without her, not sure of your age but if you are able move away from what is causing all your hurt and trauma.

Then just do what’s right for you and build up a life that makes you happy. But while you stay it’s more trauma and it’s so not your fault.

Sometimes in life when the person closest to you and for you your mother, which is so hard but you have to get away. It’s her problem how she is to her child not yours.

Please make the break if you can.

Read Jordon Peterson he puts everything into perspective.

Sending you such a big big hug and wish you well, I really do.