am lost: new on this forum....i now... - Anxiety and Depre...

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am lost

Kaydeen001 profile image
15 Replies

new on this forum....i now am suffering from depressions.i find it add to talk to people especially people who closed to me.

Am tired of everything , l lock myself indoors.am just lost.

Am getting to the tipping point after I promised myself I will not do the unthinkable.

I need help l need I fast.

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Kaydeen001 profile image
Kaydeen001
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15 Replies
Dolphin14 profile image
Dolphin14

Welcome

You are here now and I hope you find the support you need

🐬

Kaydeen001 profile image
Kaydeen001 in reply toDolphin14

I beloved...thanks

Hi and welcome! You should speak to someone if you feel like hurting yourself, okay?I hope you're okay at this time.

Kaydeen001 profile image
Kaydeen001 in reply to

Thanks for your care

Hi Kaydeen. I understand your situation. I've been there. For the short term, try to find something to distract yourself. To try to 'get out of your own mind' for a while. I'm not sure what's around you, but if you can, go to a movie, go get something light to eat-some kind of treat for yourself. Go to a store, whether it's a book store or a regular merchandise store and look around at things, things you like or are interested in. Is there a library close by? Do you have 1 good friend who 'Get's you'? Give them a call, or even better, go see them if possible. Take a walk. I've read several places that walking in nature is good for out Mental Health. All of these and other things (Whatever works for you) to distract yourself. Your (and actually for a lot of us) mind will constantly focus on all the negative thoughts and feelings. The bad events going on in the world probably isn't helping either. If you are isolating, that's probably the 1st thing to work on. When isolating, it makes it worse, as we usually have no way to get away from the hurtful stuff running through our minds. Go visit other people- that being said, stay away from people who make you feel bad or make you feel even worse about yourself. This includes family if they are part of the problem.

What I've mentioned may seem superficial. Like I'm missing the point. Like putting on a bandage will solve things. But all of this is to try to find a little 'Relief' from all the dark, scary, lonely, thoughts you're experiencing.

Try to start looking for a Therapist. Is it possible to talk to someone at your house of worship who may understand what you're dealing with? Maybe they can point you in a better direction. Keep trying. There are people out there who care and have been in your situation before, but are hard to find when you're in need. Never give up 'Hope'. Peace to you.

Kaydeen001 profile image
Kaydeen001 in reply toFindingTheAnswers

Thanks very much thanks for show caring.really appreciate.i finds you guys' reply as encouragement....i really appreciate you for find time to comment and try to help.

How can somebody find relief when your depression is cause by disappointment and betrayed by people you trusted.

Thanks ones again.

FindingTheAnswers profile image
FindingTheAnswers in reply toKaydeen001

Depression is often Hell on earth. When you said "depression is cause by disappointment and betrayed by people you trusted" I've been there. I'm sitting here typing this and.... I'm trying not to get 'Lost' again. The betrayal I faced was from my direct family and my ex-wife (I married what I knew, what I was used to; that the problem was me. What I saw and heard them say was not correct. meant', And indirectly, that what I saw, was not what really happened. So if all 5 of these people basically said the same thing, then the problem had to be me - right? I often worried that I was going insane, seriously. And I had no one in or outside the family that I trusted. Most of the people that were friends of my family, were just as dysfunctional as my family. Dysfunction attracts dysfunction. Mentally healthy people don' want to been involved in this type of craziness. And also, I had Trust issues. I still do. When a problem happened outside my family, which was usually just 1 of life's problems, or mistakes, etc, that we all make - it just added to what my family was saying. The problem was me. So, for my family, whenever I thought that 1 of these gas lighting events was about to start, I would 'Mentally' record the conversation. Not only what they said, but how it was said, their tone of voice, body language ( they all included a lot of 'Drama' and 'Histrionics'.) I had to 'record' them and have the memory stored in order to prove to myself what WAS actually said, and that I was getting the situation right, and that I wasn't going insane. What a mind F#ck. If the situation came up again later, I would say "What you said was......", they would say ' 'that's not what said', 'That's not what I meant', and a lot of being blamed for something I that I had nothing or little to do with that situation. So, indirectly it was turned around and put back on me, because I didn't get their meaning right. It was a circus. A S#it Storm. And where or who do I turn to? And again, I'm sitting here typing this feeling, thinking that I was the one who was wrong.

Here's another Mind F#ck about this. My Mother, Father and Sister would all attack each other, and me of course. But outside the family, they were totally different people. ( People will still tell me, 'oh yeah, I remember your Mom. She was a lot of fun, and fun to be around.....'). They were chameleons. They would show people outside the family the 'Normal' side themselves. My sister is still alive, but I have limited contact with her. I've tried several times to talk to her, extend an Olive branch, but her response would be defensive, how she was the victim, how good I had it at home as compared to her, and so on. And once again, I'm typing this, and my mind is going in to this.... dream like state?

The 'Mental' recording I made of conversations, to keep my sanity, did help me to keep some, or just enough(?) of my sanity. But those recordings are still in my head. And they're not doing me any good. Now, at times, they haunt me. If you were to ask any sister or ex-wife about these situations, I would bet they would say that didn't happen. That Craig (me)...... what? Has an overly vivid imagination? Will blow something out of proportion?

My ex-wife went to counseling several times. (As for me, counseling was non-stop. But I wouldn't go to counseling with my ex wife, because... I wouldn't be able to defend myself, or stand up for myself. That I would be seen as crazy. At least these were, and still are, my fears). And 1 day my ex-wife said"and I've just realized that I've been unreasonable......." I thought, 'Holy S#it! She gets it'! But there was too much damage done, and I was never going to trust her. And yes, in regards to both family and my ex - I had my problems and issues. It's hard to separate what were my problems, from the problems caused from being around them. Again, what a F'n circus it was. What a Mind F#ck.

I agree Betrayal is horrible. And trying to learn to trust is scary to say the least. I still don't trust most ( almost all) people. That's not good either. Another horrible feeling for me is feeling 'Trapped". That there's no escape. Trapped in a bad marriage. Trapped at a bad job, of which I can't just quit because I needed the money and the health insurance.

Sorry for the deposition. But I had to lay it all out. And now I'm mentally exhausted and want to go back to bed.

It took me a long time to get where I'm at (meaning to get to the state of mind I'm in. And there's still a lot more room for improvement). The 'Fog' is wanting to roll in to my head and cover all of this up. So I better stop.

I wish I could answer you directly as to how to overcome Betrayal. But, I can't. But I will tell you that you deserve better. Much better. Use Therapy, and an Rx if needed.

Getting past this will take some time. Don't give up. Somewhere later on in life, you may meet someone that is in your situation now. You could be the one to ease their pain, and hopefully lead them to a better path.

I wish you Relief, peace of mind, and yes, even happiness. You are not alone.

(I reread my post, and corrected some of the wording)

Kaydeen001 profile image
Kaydeen001 in reply toFindingTheAnswers

Thanks I find your reply encouraging.thanks ones again.happy to meet you....

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply toKaydeen001

I have that same problem. Someone close to me betrayed me and now I don’t trust her at all and I practice letting go of those thoughts and try to remain on a good positive path. And you know it’s more of her problem than mine.

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight

Welcome. I hope you will come to love this space as much as I do. What do you think you need right now? What may help?

Kaydeen001 profile image
Kaydeen001 in reply toStarrlight

Thanks.

Kaydeen001 profile image
Kaydeen001 in reply toStarrlight

I just need somebody to chatting with so I can offload everything in my head.

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply toKaydeen001

I’m a good listener and I get the need to talk or write things out so that we get to take a load off our minds. I’m here for you.

Kaydeen001 profile image
Kaydeen001 in reply toStarrlight

Ok...this 3oclck mid night I wake up and can't get sleep again.had been experience this issue for some months now..How can l solve this issue sleepless night like this?...and when am alone like this I will be thinking and I will be ask myself why why

designguy profile image
designguy

Hello and welcome to the group hope it is helpful for you.

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