Lost

[AliEvenStar]

I’ve been dating this guy for about 2 years and 6months until Saturday night. We have planned out and talked about moving in together within the year. As well as marriage, kids, and life. In the relationship there was anything showing that he wasn’t sure about us. We are constantly together or have plans to see each other. When he came over to my house on the night it happened, everything was going great and we were laughing and watching Netflix before I made dinner. When I started talking to him about moving in at the end of school in the summer, it was like a switch flipped and he ended it. He says he loves me but he doesn’t know if he loves me to continue this relationship or he loves me as a friend. Hardcore shocked when I heard that. My family and his family get along really well and even his own mom and best friend were shocked. Everyone was. When I talk to people, they say I need to give him time but how long. I’m willing to wait for him because I know he’s the one. He has decided to make contact minimum. How am I supposed to do that? Quit him like cold turkey forget my feelings so he can take a breather while he and I quote,” is in a sea of guilt and self loathing”. I don’t know how to deal with this pit in my stomach. I don’t have people here that can be there for me to keep me accountable and discuss these questions and problems. I am lost. I’ll admit we weren’t the perfect couple. There are things both of us have done to piss off or upset the other but with that we have had triumphs. I guess what I’m saying is how do you get through the minimum to no contact. How do you deal with the anxiety of it. I can’t even get past the crying stage. I don’t want to be sad anymore. It’s driving my panic mode into full effect and I just got myself stable until now. How do I keep myself doing things when it’s just me by myself. How do I not text him or tell him everything that’s going on. I tried writing again but it just made me feel worse I love reading but I can’t focus. I wanna be able to feel like I can be independent from him. But we are so close to the 3 year mark. He was supposed to be my date for my use to be best friend but didn’t even tell me she was engaged to the guy I’ve never met. I feel like my life is falling apart. Everything since Christmas has gone down the sink. Last year I lost one of the most important people in my life my great great grandmother Than I lost my poppa (grandfather) and now I’ve lost the love of my life and to top things off GeGe (my great grandmother) is in the psych ward on sedation for dementia and threading to kill her daughter my Nanna twice and attempted. Ugh I just need someone. I’m supposed to see a therapist The week of the 21st but I’m feeling like I’m losing it. I know this is a lot to dump on here. I just need someone to talk to figure this out. Time is needed to heal but how how do you get through that time. I’m not giving my hopes up but I know he needs time I need time. How long I have no idea. I guess we shall see in a month or so.

[Bray1567]

I am currently dealing with the same thing. We been together for 2 years and he told me dealing with my emotions is draining for him and that he just want to be friends to see if he wants to continue the relationship. I feel like I am literally broken. I just want to cry and lay in bed. I too have no one so I can’t seem to find distractions. This made me smile though, I’m not alone in this world of feeling the way I do. If you ever want to talk to anyone. I am here, we can help each other get through this.

[AliEvenStar in reply to Bray1567]

I would love to be friends. It’s sad this happens to people but I’m glad we aren’t alone in this world. Strength is in numbers.

[Cunda]

[e-mail], link up

[mrmonk]

Hi AliEvenStar, welcome to this HealthUnlocked community; I'm sure you'll find lots of support here, as many of us of have similarly lost and felt lost at one time or another. It's good that you'll be seeing a therapist soon, which may help to give you some clarity on your situation. I'm sorry you've experienced so many losses in such short succession. It seems unfair and cruel to be left in a kind of limbo. Is there anything you enjoy doing that might serve as a distraction, if you can't really focus on reading and writing?

[Whyamisosad]

I have been going through a similar situation although i have not been in this relationship as long as you have. We were friends first for about a year. He is a lot younger than i am and was shocked when he asked if he could call me. I figured it was to remain a friendship but it turned into more after a few months of texting and talking. I ended up sabotaging the relationship by always saying i was too old for him. I ended up really falling in love with him. We both agreed the age difference was too much. Now I analyze every aspect over and over and cant stop thinking about him. I am SO sad, and trying to deal with depression and anxiety over this. I cant concentrate on anything else. We work together and agreed to be friends. He comes over by me to talk and it is just hurting so bad, although i look forward to seeing him. CRAZY!! Any suggestions and support would be SO appreciated! Why does love have to hurt so bad at times!

[RCJH8610]

Change can be hard and losing so many people that meant so much to you at once is a lot to handle (my condolences for your loss). The one thing I can say will help is to be selfish! Take this “break” as time to work on yourself. Put on some head phones and go for a walk or run. Get on a dating website and meet someone new, even if it is just a temporary distraction for you. You don’t have to lie to anyone, be honest and upfront that you are coming out from a long term relationship and just looking for someone to confide in. Please know that whether your ex is the one or not, your someone is out there. In the meantime be kind to yourself and use the time you have alone to explore things you haven’t been able to explore while in a relationship. I know it’s all easier said than done but each day will get less difficult. Part of the problem is your ex had become a child routine, a constant and all of a sudden he’s gone... the change alone is what is difficult, not so much the person you are losing and I know you can’t see that now but with time and some much needed self love you will eventually see the whole picture. Best wishes to you ❤️

[AliEvenStar]

Guys I’m glad I found out why he left. He got cold feet. He was fine with the talking about everything but when our plans turn into reality. He panicked and got scared. Not sure why he didn’t think to communicate with me on it but oh well. Going back to work today allowed me to clear my head and focus on my patients I care for. I work in the Er so I get to see a lot lol. Still feeling the ups and downs of this crazy roller coaster but I’m giving him the time he needs. Finally got out of the crying stage though! Thank you all who have posted! I really needed the positivity!

Also we are waiting a month for our break before deciding anything probably going to be longer though. And I’m okay with that.

[KaleidoscopePicture]

I'm really glad you are in a better place now. I really encourage you to make wise use of this time and to get to know yourself on a deeper level now. There's a book that really revolutionized the way I look at relationships, and I hope you will take this time you're on a break to read it. It may change the way you look at yourself, your relationship, and how you do relationships. It was so good after I got it, I went and bought copies for my friends. It is called Love, Sex, and Lasting Relationships by Chip Ingram. You can get it on Amazon.

I also wanted to let you know about an organization I think you might find really helpful called Grief Share. My best friend lost her brother (20 years old), her grandmother, and her father all in a three year span and this organization was invaluable for her. They have Grief Share all over the U.S. so there is likely an organization near where you live. I think it could be really helpful, and if there is not one near you, I encourage you to buy their cds online so that you can listen to the rich material they have to offer. It could really be helpful.