LOST

[Questioning123]

I’m not okay but i really want to be. I don’t think it’s about loneliness anyway more. I have to heal but i don’t know what i need to heal from. A lot has happen in my life that i don’t really speak about because what’s the point no one going to understand because I’m not that good at explaining sometimes. Or when i do speak about it people either judge or make it seem like it’s not deep and i shouldn’t have let it get to me but it did. So i don’t really open up much and when i do i don’t really say what i mean. I try to sugar code my life so i won’t sound so ungrateful or so i just seem fine. But I’m hurting in a way i can’t explain to anyway because i don’t understand it myself i push people away because they don’t say the right words or because they make me feel worse and i know their just human and their not perfect so i should’ve expect so much from them so sometimes i give them the benefit of doubt and let them back in the ones who means well. I avoid talking to the people who i actually really need to talk to like my parents cause their not the type of parents i can express my feelings with and that gets to me but i like to believe i stopped caring. I like to believe i stopped caring about a lot of things but in reality I’m lying to myself. I distract myself with Netflix series and boys and other people problems to avoid my thoughts. I’m starting to feel like their finally catching up because i was just watching a show and my mom was calling me and i got overwhelmed and started shaking and crying and i honestly don’t know why but i calmed myself down but that only helped for that moment. I thought getting a job and doing my own thing would get rid of the emptiness but it didn’t. I thought taking care of myself more and just being about me more would get rid of the emptiness but it didn’t. At the end whatever i do the emptiness still always catch back up it doesn’t matter what i do. I have faith in myself to make it through this but i also just want a person to be there for consistently and who understand me. I want to be truly happy but i honestly don’t know how.

[Hidden]

Hi, I don't know your situation because I don't know you, but I do know what you're saying about not talking to anyone because they don't understand.

[lloydrosen]

I know you say people wouldn't understand but, I suffered with depression for 36 years and I totally get it. If you want to talk I'm open to connecting. You just let me know how you want to talk. I'm serious God has called me to help people and you are worthy of the help. Whether or not you think so.

[Depresseddoglover]

I also feel empty and don't know how to heal. It's awful. I think recognizing and addressing it is the first step. This forum will help you to feel less alone.

[Epsom1]

Yes it's true the forum helps in that there is support from people who have experienced similar emotions. I understand that feeling of emptiness, I too try to fill it by helping others in my day to day life. I come home and it's a relief to not have to be a way that is different to what I'm authentically feeling I can simply be. Some times the empty feeling is stronger when i'm alone depending on how well I have eaten that day or who I have been in contact with. I'm looking for a drop-in support group as well, as I can't commit to something consistent, going to things like that it really all depends on my mood. I think it would be good for me to go to one as and when I feel. I hope you feel better soon as well.

[Questioning123 in reply to Epsom1]

Thank you i hope you find what you need and that helps with the feeling permanently

[Careyon]

Not to be preachy or uber religious, but it truly sounds like a relationship with God may be the missing piece that fills the gap. Say a simple prayer and ask God to draw near to you and speak His love and guidance into your life. He’s a great listener and actually has the power to truly heal your heart. I’m speaking from experience!