So I was checking my emails and I found this old email when we used to talk here on HU. 'I love you to the moon & to Saturn!!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️'. These were the exact words she said, and I found more messages like these. Suddenly I realised that she's bipolar, maybe she blocked me because she was struggling and it was a impulsive decision. I got worried about her health. I decided to find her profile on fb using my alt account. I did find it and I saw she just today updated her cover photo. She was with her family and she seemed happy and healthy.
I was wrong. She's not struggling. She's alright. It was good to see her smile. I had a kind of breakdown seeing her again, you know some glimpses of the time we used to talk flashed in front of my eyes. I do have a hole in my heart.
But earlier today I heard a podcast, it was about reasons why friends leave you. And after listening to it, I realised what I may have done wrong. I was maybe too dull, or maybe I was too negative. I try to be mostly funny during chatting with anyone and she also used to laugh at my jokes. Maybe she didn't really enjoyed it and only pretended to like them.
Or maybe I shared too much with her. I trusted her that's why I shared with her the negative thoughts I was experiencing the day before she left. She told me to create a list. A list of reasons, reasons to live. She added the first 2 points herself. 1. My sisters (sisters, plural because she also counted herself)
2. Mango (a fruit we both love)
I started making a list. I added like more than 50 reasons in that list. After an hour of creating the list, I sent it to her. She didn't reply but it was normal because she usually stayed busy at that time. So I went to sleep and the next morning I realise I have been blocked. I don't know whether she read the list or not. Maybe I'll never know.
I still remember the very last message that she sent me. It said 'You don't bother me'. She said so because I apologized for bothering her with my negative thoughts.
I've deleted all the chats we had and all her pictures to move on but damn, I saw this old email today
Please let me share this with you guys. I really have no one to talk to right now, I haven't been talking to my friends lately and my sister is very busy lately with her work. I have no one to turn to, I have no social interaction with anyone. I've been listening to roleplay asmr videos on YouTube just to pretend that I have a friend with me but the moment the video ends, I end up in tears from the sad realisation of the reality. All i have right now is this forum.
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im sorry that you are feeling this way i know its hard i also had the same i lost contact with a friend that i met here in healthunlocked but all i know is that she found a job and it was something she really wanted , you sound really caring and loyal to this friend seeing a pic of her being happy and safe is good for you because she meant alot to you and a part of you is happy for her of course that's how i would feel about it .you dont have to blame your self at all but her leaving this form can mean that she is doing better now .
we all different different stories diff way of dealing with our emotions its ok to come back here if you felt like you need support i also came back because its a part of my healing journey
its all about you you do this for you and that's what matter
I am here for you. I also recently spiralled downwards thinking I had no friends to support me and cared so I know how it feels. Stay strong. Tell me about yourself if you fancy making a ntfroend. I had a brain haemorrhage 5 years ago.
For a minute there I thought I was reading my experience like I was writing it. I am going pretty much same thing. But mine is a female friend or thought was a friend. She said i didn’t bother her and apology also. I also open up to her to. Then one day she just stop talking to me. And that has hurt my feelings and emotions since. It’s like know one takes there actions and doesn’t care how it will effect someone. I thought I had a friend and someone I could open up to and joke around with and so fourth. But again shit down by another person I thought I had a friend. It seems like there are no friends out there. At least. Or like the ones I had growing up
I think a lot of us can relate to how you feel, and I guess because we are all mostly here because we have similar problems sometimes it’s hard to cope with being both supportive and coping with our own problems. It’s not great to block people or cut them off but everyone has their different way of dealing with things when they’re feeling under their own pressures , Due to my past I purposely keep people at arms length but that doesn’t mean I don’t care, I just need to keep myself safe by not getting too friendly with others.I guess what I’m saying is please don’t be discouraged there’s a friend out there somewhere looking for a friend like you.
Oh dear sorry youve gone through all of that -I used to have a friend I'd known since 6th form college & we lost contact for a while then when I was living with a partner she suddenly contacted me out of the blue & invited me & my then boyfriend (who i was going through a bad patch with) to stay over
At her house while she was cooking & when I d come downstairs I could hear my then boyfriend confiding in her about me & when I questioned both -they both wouldnt tell me anything
Now 30 + years later one of her mates suddenly contacted me to see how I was ,&I asked after her & suggested to him to ask her if she wanted to contact me by messenger, text & when he asked her -he came back & said she didnt want to talk to me
I asked him if he knew why & he just said I dot know so I put it to him that the only reason it is -comes from the night when me & the lad I lived with in Oldham had plotted to get together when we were staying over (hence the reason why thye were speaking behind a closed door)
& hence why the reason why he finished the relationship & put it to him I felt that was the only reason I could think of as the two went hand in hand (him breaking up with me & the two of them talking behind a closed door at her house & put it to him that I think theyre together now
Her mate put that to her & through him he came back & said that wasnt the case & didnt offer a ny explanation for refusing to speak to me when I hadnt done anything to hurt her
I felt the same way as you did so I know what youre going througth so praying for you that you ll be ok soon
It sounds like you are overthinking this, which is a bad habit I had for many years myself.
This is life! Friendships come and go. In fact, in the last few years I've been ghosted by two people who had been close friends for many years. No explanations. Fortunately, my ego is healthy enough to figure it's their loss! I have other friends who are loyal and who are there for me.
One thing AA teaches us is to have realistic expectations, because so often others will disappoint us. There are two other adages in this fellowship that have helped me keep my sanity:
"Easy Does It."
"Keep it simple."
When we complicate and overthink things, we hurt only ourselves.
i hope you resolve this and fing new 'friends' on here as it's full of good people going through terrible life traumas like you. I had a brain haemorhage 4 years ago and struggled with loneliness in the new, traumatic world in which i now live. you are not alone. reach out and trust again. there are still plenty of good friends to make in this world. enjoy life... juliet
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