Depressed Girlfriend

[Helpless_Lover]

Hello, so I met a girl online 7 months ago and we felt in love with time. by time we started knowing each other more and more and she was in a deep depression i was constantly trying to help by comforting her, showing her my love all the time. we never met face to face by the way, so she went thru a lot in her life and she was keeping that to herself all the time till we met and by time she started to open up to me telling about her sad past .

So what i'm asking for here and from you guys is to help me or to guide me , tell me what to do , how to talk , i mean i've searched thru internet for a long time and i still do. it's painfull to see her like that , everyday knowing that she's sad and feeling low pretty much all the time , i'm not complaining , but you guys know how much is painfull to see the one you love going thru all of that , and + the distance is not helping at all i feel like if we were next to each other it would be so much different.

So guys i'll be really thankful if you guys could help me

Update: she decided to leave until she fully recover and she was feeling that she was hurting me everytime, and with that she was hurting herself. I was feeling the same and at the same time I was feeling the same, that i was hurting her too ... she made me promise her that I won't be bored of waiting, or give up on our love, to some people long distance relationships may seem fragile or worthless, but not to me, our love is so strong, altho we've never met in person.

Thank you everyone for sharing your opinion and tried to help us, altho I'm new here and I don't know anyone of you ladies and gentlemen but thank you again ...

I hope in the future I could share with you a turn of event, and tell you more about our relationship.

❤

[deborah27]

So much so soon.

[Helpless_Lover in reply to deborah27]

What do you mean ?

[AuntBee]

meeting online and meeting in person are totally different. meet in person, decide how you want the relationship to continue and go from there. i only say this because what you’re asking for is a tall order indeed.

[Helpless_Lover in reply to AuntBee]

I want to meet in person, but she doesn't want to. she thinks that she needs to heal herself completely before we meet, i've tried to change her mind a million times but that's what she wants i guess, i don't want to say things or insist on that cause i'm afraid to loose her. she means a lot to me altho we've never met, so all i try to do is to be always there for her

thank you for the opinion tho .

[dore13]

I have to agree with AuntBee, meeting online is very different from meeting in person. I think she may have been suffering from depression for a longer time then specified, because it seems chronic. I have had depression my whole life, my brain doesn't have the right chemicals.... but I deal with it. I have good days, some bad days. Is life harder for someone with a mental disorder, I would say definitely. I was very lucky though, I finally found a doctor who really found something that works for me, and although I am far from perfect, I can live a life. I can be happy, enjoy myself. If your online friend is always sad, she needs to see her doctor and say the meds are not working, we need to try something else. The meds are only half of the treatment, the other half is therapy. Finding a therapist that can teach you coping skills, and help you work through your issues. There is so much available today, so much more in treatment options. The trick is, the depressed person has to engage in those options, you can't just sit home and expect a miracle. It takes work, a lot of hard work. I think it is nice that you are trying to be supportive, and you can be supportive, but you really can't help her. She has to do the work, she has to take the steps. Remember one thing, don't let your supportive behavior be her form of treatment. It will wear you out, and not be beneficial to her. Please check out the DBSA. ( Depression Bipolar Support Alliance) There is tons of info there! I wish you luck!

[Helpless_Lover in reply to dore13]

Sad days of course, on a week we can have 2 days where she feels good and believe me, we spend them as if we were physicly together and nothing bad is happening, she shows me love and we laugh, we do crazy things, we share games, movies, i sing to her, she does the same we even sleep together on a call. so cute , it brakes me when we are having bad days, not because i want to be happy with her No , that's not the case, it's because it kills me, literally it kills me inside when i see my love suffering like that, and i feel more helpless when she wants to stay alone, she doesn't reply to my calls or to my texts or anything, i admit that sometimes i insist to much , but it's because i don't wan't her to be alone and feel alone, i try to think about things that would make her feel a bit better, believe i'm knowing things i've never had an idea about. i promised her taht i'll never let go, and that's a promise i entend to deliver, just have to be brave.

Thank you.

[dore13 in reply to Helpless_Lover]

you promised you'd never let her go, and you have never met her? I think you both need to talk to therapists. I am sorry, this is not healthy.

[Helpless_Lover in reply to dore13]

Why do you say that ?

[AuntBee]

how far apart do you live? do u facetime or skype?

[Helpless_Lover in reply to AuntBee]

I'm from Tunisia North Africa and she lives in France . Yes we talk everyday , but lately we were not using the camera, she didn't feel like it.

[porcupyne]

Please be careful her past can trigger you.

Encourage her to exchange one positive thing in each others life when you text

[Helpless_Lover in reply to porcupyne]

I'm trying my best everyday, I try always to talk positive.

[AuntBee]

You want to meet. She doesn’t want to meet until she’s completely healed. You don’t “heal” depression. If you could you would be a billionaire. I still think you should meet just like anyone else dating online. If she doesn’t want to meet in person you may want to re-think the relationship. It may end up wasting years of your life and hurt you.

[Helpless_Lover in reply to AuntBee]

She wants to meet too, actually she insisted on coming first, but she's afraid that if you meet now it won't be stable, you know...

[Helpless_Lover in reply to Helpless_Lover]

I updated the post by the way, don't know if you saw it ma'am

[AuntBee in reply to Helpless_Lover]

Thanks. I read your update. Best of luck to you.

[Helpless_Lover in reply to AuntBee]

Thank you !