I was on lexapro for about 13 years and went off of it a year ago bc, i fell no joy, motivation, like being paralyzed or inertia. But it gave me a baseline a safety net. I had no lows, but no highs either. It prevented me from falling, but had no lift, i was "flattened". I was just existing, there had to be more to life. My doctors couldn't stabalise me and I wound up hospitalized. I was severely suicidal and the depressive/emotional pain was Unbearable. So, 3 weeks ago I restarted lexapro to get back to where I was on 10mg (I was on 20 the first time). 10 was not enough but it was a slight improvement. I was still in immense pain and had the inertia. 2 days ago I raised it to 15mg and completely regressed. It was like I went off it completely.
I called my psychiatrist and waiting for him to call back. If I don't hear from him I might just go back to 10 for the weekend until I hear from him. 10mg wasn't great or enough, but 15 is 1000 times worse. I'm in so much pain, and suicidal. Ironically, lexapro is the drug that's supposed to Stabalise me so i could function normally. Now I can't stand it. This did not happen the first time. I am well aware that when you go off a drug and then back it can affect you differently. But ive tried so many meds and other treatments (ECT, TMS and ketamine) that I'm really scared I've run out of options to try. I'm tired of being a guinea pig. I'm Really afraid and upset. I have a kid so I can't commit suicide but I can't live like this either. It's too painful.
Has anyone felt like they regressed like this after raising their dose on any drug? I want to stick with lexapro and give it it's proper chance, but going up from 10-15 and feeling so suicidal and painful as I do now when I didn't to this degree before (both on 10mg two days ago and last year) doesn't make sense to me. 10 is definitely not enough. What I am supposed to do. I've already gone through pretty much all the ssri's, Mirtazipine, seroquel, Zyprexa, lithium, wellbutrin. I'm desperate.
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Joshgw
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I had a bad experience with Lexapro, but I can suggest Venlafaxine( of course ask a Dr) it’s different & I have never had a bad reaction with it. We all different; just a thought.
I keep rewriting paragraphs looking for the right words. I understand the sense of desperation, frustration, hopelessness, and feeling like a guinea pig all too well. I think a lot of people feel that way. SSRIs built up a lot of hype in the 90s and even today some physicians can rely on them too much as some sort of miracle cure and with everyone's reactions being different we get the idea of "practicing medicine".
I wish I had the right words to encourage you to try something different, there are all kinds of medications out there. What works for you may not be one single medication, it might not even be a medication at all but a combination of coping techniques and lifestyle habits.
When I was at my best in life, anxiety-wise, I was getting a lot of exercise and eating relatively healthy. I had connections to the world outside my home that gave me something to truly live for and kept exposing me to my phobias while helping me move past them.
I can relate to your pain, sincerely. I'm sorry I know this sucks and when you make such an effort but don't see the results you want it can make you feel so defeated. I am taking Lexapro and really didn't start seeing help from it until I went up to 20mg and was on it for a bit. It's still not perfect, I still have rough times but I feel like it's worth repeating that some of the best help I got didn't come solely in the form of a pill.
Diversify what might help, and keep trying! I truly understand how much of a struggle it is to find something that works on a personal level, despite what know-it-all statisticians might want to say. I don't have the exact words to motivate and galvanize your resolve to keep fighting, but I know that a life well-lived is worthwhile. I know it doesn't come easy (well, it hasn't for me). From the bottom of my heart, I wish you the very best in finding things that will help you.
Thank you for your thoughtful post. Right now I'm on 4 meds, lexapro, klonopin, buspar, and lamictal. I must have tried about 20, always between 3 to 5 at a time. The first time I was on lexapro I was on 20. Right now I'm on 10 after just about 4 weeks. My question was when you upped the dose did it make you feel worse initially before you got better? I upped from 10 to 15mg on Thursday and immediately got more depressed and suicidal as if I was starting over or how I was before I went on lexapro. This did not happen to me the first time I went on it. I was on it. I don't know what to do. 10 is not enough, I'd like to get back to my old 20, it's been the only thing that ever stabalise me so I wasn't a suicidal basketcase.
I also see a therapist twice a week who does DBT and my psychiatrist once a week. I understand that meds are just a tool, but if I'm not emotionally stable I can't be active in my own treatment. Even my therapist tells me that.
I know everyone is different, I've been dealing with my depression for at least 30 years. But I was just asking what people's experiences were and if I was unique.
I have a 12 year old son, so suicide is out of the question, no matter how much I want to Right now.
My psychiatrist told me to drop back down to 10 and we'll talk more on Tuesday, but I feel just as horrible. I know you have to give it time but I'm in so much pain waiting another day is agony.
I'd love to keep talking to you so feel free to PM me. Sounds like we have a lot in common. How long have you been on lexapro and what else are you on? And how do you feel now? I wish you luck from my heart as well
Josh
Hi. I don’t know what to say, but my thoughts and prayers are with you. Keep holding on, don’t give up.
Hi Joshgw. Please be patient. Drugs ALONE are never the answer. Depression/anxiety are complex mental conditions as there are always multiple factors that impact how we feel such as: situational (ex. Lost a friend, job, wife, boyfriend, etc..), your lifestyle habits (the way you eat, sleep, exercise etc..). You must rely on other things besides the drugs. In my case what works is exercise, praying,/meditating, calling/interacting with friends, going out, eating nourishing foods. I also take vitamin B100, C and Omega 3/6/9 for brain/ nervous system health. My psychiatrist told me the drugs are just a crutch. There to reduce the pain enough so we can push through with action. Often we must push past the pain and make the effort...the motivation often follows...then I reward myself. We are courageous people....DO NOT GIVE UP. Be kind and compassionate towards yourself- the most important person in your life. Bless you 💫👏💫🌈🌻
Thanks for replying. I know all that. I have therapy 3 times a week. 2 with a behavioral therapist doing DBT and my psychiatrist. But ive been hospitalized and emotionally unstable. I need to stabalise myself so I can do the real work. If you're constantly going down the rabbit hole and a suicidal basketcase you'll never get anything done. My therapist says Drugs are a TOOL and if you can't contribute to you're therapy youll never get anything done
I'm so sorry if I came off sounding like a know it all. In truth I'm not at all. I have never been suicidal but wished often wished in my darkest periods that I had not been born. I just came out of a close to 2 year period of waking up and dealing with 24hr a day non stop anxiety after the med, Effexor, stopped working....Then came the excruciating pain of the merry go round of trying on medication after another until finally settling on 2, Zoloft and Abilify. But I'm not the person I was going into this last depression and anxiety cycle. I PUSH myself everyday to get out of bed and go through my day as best as I can. I had dropped 40lbs because I lost my appetite but the weight is coming back on. Not happy about that. All this to say... I feel for you and what you struggle with everyday. I am not in your shoes but understand the terrible suffering of mental illness.... It's hard to tell our complete story on this site...All I want to say is you're not alone, I understand you and wish I had a magic wand to heal everyone dealing with mental illness. Hope you have as good a day as possible. Just don't give up on yourself. Vent on this site..💫👏💫🦋🌈
No worries. I've dealt with depression for 30 years and this current really dark/suicidal bit for about 14 months where at one point I spent 49 days in the hospital. You're right, it's impossible to describe the suffering of mental illness to anybody, not just here, Mainly bc you can't see it like a broken leg or something. And it is hard to explain You're whole story
Wishing you were never born counts as suicidal in my book, either way you wish You're not alive. I also have to push myself to get out of bed everyday bc I went back to work, but I literally do nothing once I'm there. It's torture and I feel useless.
I've also been on effexor and it made me really really angry. Haven't tried an snri since. And zoloft was a nightmare for me. I was on it for 5 days, each day I was more suicidal than the day before.
Unfortunately, there is no magic wand to heal all mental illness, but I wish you could make one. I'd give my right arm. Thank you for your support and it's nice to know other people know what we all go through. Good luck to you and hang in there
hi josh im going through the same thing no meds are working i’ve tried tms and now doing ketamine and tms concurrently if this doesn’t work im out of options im scared as hell this will be a permanent situation i’ve tried mushrooms and nothing. that’s the only thing i can suggest. try to find some magic mushrooms. good luck friend
I hear you very clearly. I was just like you. Finally I begged for a DNA test to find out which drugs would or would not work. Lo and Behold. It finally explained why nothing worked. I was allergic to SSRI’s. It told me which one was worse that the others…. Then some of those other drugs on the bottom of that list, not SSRI’s I could take, however I then realized we’re the cause of my “drug related” Parkinsons. All those years nothing ever worked. I had one doctor tell me that I just wanted more pills and that I did not need them.Nothing was wrong with me. Thank god for this new DNA stuff these days. Good luck to you…
Hi BSherzig. It took over 2 years to stabilize me out of my last major depression/anxiety breakdown. I remember reading about the genetic testing and speaking to my family doctor about it but she told me that it was not accurate. I live in Quebec, Canada. Perhaps where you live a more advanced test is available? I wish it were so. I went through hell trying to find the right medication. May you continue to do well.
My test told the story. It was the best thing I ever did. The test I took was called Gene Site. I am here in the US and my insurance did pay for mine. Good luck to you. This testing is starting to get more common these days.It a just a swab test.
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