Empty Nest Issue:(

[gracy225]

Hello to all, Having a bit of a depressive time as my son has moved out as of today. Of course, he told us a month ago he was going to live with his girl (who I love!) and as he is 30 years old, obviously he is capable of making his decisions. I do know he waited until he felt certain he was ready as he is one who thinks things through. Yet, I feel so lost! Not to mention sad. He's only 10 minutes away (I keep telling myself). I wasn't ready for this. Any advice? xgracy

[Marysblue]

I've not experienced that (no kids) but I know that changes can be hard but they get easier with time. It's such a beautiful time of year, is there something you can take up like gardening or walking or a new hobby or volunteer that might help? Making A gratitude list each day helps me.

You're so lucky to have a son who lives close by.

[Hidden]

Hi.. I am Here if you wish to talk..

[Livfornow54]

I totally get it, I was depressed when my daughter moved to the Midwest. She is back home living in her own place.He is close to you. Just talk to him. You can visit.

[Arkus]

Just think that this move is good for him and so that should make you happy. Living with his parents after 30 is not a healthy situation for an adult male.

[Debbs73]

I totally get what you mean, i was the same when my son told us he was moving out, we live in the UK. He was moving to a different part of the country, he was moving for work and was gonna be in a house share with some of his colleagues. It broke 💔. He was working more and more up this way, so he asked if he could move bk in. He has since moved out again and bought a house with his girlfriend which is about 10 minutes away. I see him every day now as I look after there dog for them whilst there at work. It does get easier..

[SadMommy]

I totally understand. My two daughters moved out and we did everything together. It also took me more time to adjust because I assumed that we would still do everything together, but that's not the case. They have their jobs, boyfriends, pets and don't live close.

My advice is to let yourself grieve. It's okay, it's almost like a death or divorce because life as you knew it is no longer.

For me, trying to stay busy to distract myself is the best and it slowly gets better. So many people tell me that they will come back around as they age and/or have kids. I just try to take one day at a time. I'm trying to gain interest in things I used to do or learn new things, but it is hard.

[Spooky99]

I experienced it. It’s bittersweet. I have grandchildren now, they have their own lives ( my sons) of course we are allowed to be sad. But we did our job. Give yourself a break. It’s almost like a death. It’s just me and my husband and dogs. Im 54. I got married young. But I do feel sad that the best days are gone. It makes me feel older and look at my wrinkles etc. I know I’m babbling probably because I miss that family life and am afraid to die lol. You’ll be ok! Hugs to you

[Midori]

Do you have any hobbies?

It's time to spread your wings too, have a look at your library's noticeboard for groups in things that might interest you, or volunteer for a charity, join a gym, the world is now your oyster!

It's Your time now, Did you have a yen to travel? Now's your chance. Studying a subject you have always been interested in, but not been able to learn before? Go for it!

Always wanted to try something mad, like bungee jumping or glider flying or rock climbing, horse riding, Am-Dram, give it a try!

I'm 74, my dream was to travel when I retired, but unfortunately I became disabled instead. Do I let it get me down? Nope! I still get out, weather permitting. I go to cafe's and watch the world walk by, meet up with other folks, there are lunch clubs for those of us 'of a certain age', trips out into the country to see historical things, theatre trips, big city weekends, and you will establish yourself a group of friends with similar interests.

I wear jeans and teeshirts with silly sayings on (today's says '; It's not my fault you didn't read the fine print, I came with a Warning label!') Crazy as a box of frogs, me! And folk seem to like it!

Life isn't over by any means.

Good luck!

Cheers, Midori

[Bobby2021 in reply to Midori]

Nicely said, Midori. Your outlook on life gives people hope.

[AuntBee]

Gracy, I totally understand. My son moved out a year and a half ago. We tell ourselves we have accomplished our goal. We have successfully launched our child into the world prepared, confident and able to support themselves. Its no small feat on our part, and on top of that, they are happy for their new adventure. But while their adventure starts, you realize that your baby who was just born “yesterday”, who has been attached to your heart for 30 years is like, well it feels like part of you is missing. Like half your arm is gone. Sure they have been basically self-sufficient for years and years, but when their presence is missing from the household you feel it, you feel the missing piece. It has taken me over a year to feel my new normal. My son is 15 mins away. Its helped to stay connected with texts and dinners occasionally. It was hard not to hover but I understand to step back was for him. So I guess my point is to say, I understand empty nesting is hard. It just is. Hugs to you.

[gracy225 in reply to AuntBee]

Hi AuntBee, Thank you. I can feel you understand completely. Your last words "I understand empty nesting is hard. It just is." Yep. Those few words hit the nail on the head. It will get easier, I know this deep down, of course I do.

[Daesin in reply to AuntBee]

Yeah what she said. ❤️

[Thissucks37]

Be thankful that he is alive and well. Plus he’s close to you. My son was still with me and was planning to move out at age 30. We sold our home and were moving two hours away. His relationship broke up and he was looking forward to getting his own place but he was feeling anxious. More than I realized. He died by suicide. My beautiful son who I was already grieving because I was moving and I knew it would not be the same as him being with me every day. Now he’s gone forever and all I do is cry. My daughter and 8 month old granddaughter have moved to Spain (I’m in Canada). So now I feel so alone and devastated. It’s difficult to let go of our children and the empty nest syndrome is real but just remember it could be worse.

[Sueislove]

Hi gracy225 boy have I gone through this! It was in 2011 my son moved out took me years and still to this day it’s hard not having him around . I just tried to focus on look what a great young man I have and how proud of him for being so independent and a loving caring person in this world so much to be thankful for ! Maybe start a new hobby or exercise class ? I did that and it helped a lot ! But now I’m struggling and hope to get back there someday

[Sueislove]

Can’t believe my son will be 30 this year where did all the years go !?!

[Daesin]

Yep. Here’s my perspective. Change is hard. But mom this change has been a long time coming. As moms (and dads) our job is to mold these little drooling globs of screaming flesh into capable respectful & productive members of society. Yours is. You won. You did your job right. Way to go!

Now you get to step in to the next role which is looking at yourself, I know that’s a hard one.

So what do you wanna do? What were some things you wanted to do before you got pregnant? Did you want to travel, did you want to study art, maybe design a dress or write a novel? Maybe that garden is calling your name? Whatever it is you get a chance to be you now. Not just Mom 24/7.

Remember how scared you were when you found out you were gonna be a parent? Oh my god what if I drop him, how am I going to know when to feed him, why is he still crying, why won’t he sleep???? Yes, all those questions and fears that ran through your head. It was a massive change then. And now you get another change.

Your intense mommy phase is over. Until they start handing you grandbabies you got a short amount of time to really enjoy just being you.

Get through the emotions, because you have to mourn/honor the change. Things are gonna be different. That’s scary and it deserves a couple of tears. But then you need to stand back up. Quit freaking out about it being quiet and go grab life by the horns. There is so much fun out there to be had. You deserve to have a little fun, scratch that a whole lot of fun!-Mom of 6