Having an empty nest has given me anxiety

[SHCM]

I am 55 years old and separated from my husband 10 years ago but that didn't caused any problem in my life it was something that I wanted to happen since we were in a really bad place, everything started to go bad when my kids started to leave the nest and after I lost my mother. Now I don't know how to deal with being alone, I moved to a new state two years ago and have no friends, my youngest moved back with me but she works and spend a lot of time with her boyfriend so most of the time I'm by myself. my anxiety attacks me when I have no one to talk to and at night. I hate to come home when I know I will be all alone. some nights I sleep with the TV on all night so I can hear a voice around, have to take sleeping pills but sometimes they don't even work.

[MrZee]

Hi mercmorales,

I hear you...

35 years ago I made a long distance move for a new job. I was so excited. But after I got to my new unfamiliar surroundings and was all unpacked and settled, the loneliness, anxiety and depression was eating me alive. I had absolutely no clue where to turn. And the TV was my only social contact which actually depressed me more.

After two years things started to get better. And that’s when I got into therapy. I’m still seeing the same therapist all these years later.

For those of us with anxiety, etc., it’s hard to reach out and make new friends. I do know there are Social Anxiety groups out there where everyone has that in common. Also volunteering is good for the esteem. Plenty of those are needed.

You deserve kudos for having the strength for moving on from a bad marriage. Even if it causes some loneliness, it’s a better place than before.

I also have 4 cats and a parrot. I share that because pets are so unconditional when it comes to love and companionship. I also volunteer at my local community college by tutoring math to also keep me busy.

I wish you the best and know it can get better. It takes risks to reach out, but many of them pay off all for the good.

Best,

MZ ❤️

[SHCM in reply to MrZee]

Thank you for take the time to respond to my post. I'm trying my best to work thru this and I have my good days where I don't even feel anxious at all, but when it gets me I feel awful, and my big fear is that when I have an attack I can't stay inside, I have been walking outside in the middle of the night because I can't control it and not having anyone to talk to is a big part of the problem. I went from a house full of people all the time to a practically empty house and I haven't learn how to deal with it, but other than that I am a happy person, when I am with my family or friends I enjoy every moment and I don't even feel anxious. Thanks again.

[Dolphin14 in reply to SHCM]

Please be careful out at night. I don't sleep at night and often would love to get outside but it's just not safe.

[SHCM in reply to Dolphin14]

Thank you. you are right is not safe but sometimes is the only thing that calm me be in fresh air. I love your avatar picture, I love Dolphins

[LadyZen]

Have you considered fostering dogs? I fostered for a couple of years until I met the love of my life pictured in my avatar. Funny thing is, my doggy has anxiety issues too so we help eachother. I didn't believe in love at first sight until I saw him get off the animal rescue delivery van.

[SHCM in reply to LadyZen]

Thank you. That is very sweet, I love dogs and cats, I have had in the past and have been thinking about having another one, maybe soon.

[LadyZen in reply to SHCM]

When you do, you must share a pic online!

[SHCM in reply to LadyZen]

For sure I will

[Dolphin14 in reply to SHCM]

That would be great company and give you a sense of purpose

[Dolphin14 in reply to LadyZen]

That's a great idea

[Brex66]

I am 54 and a mother of 5. Youngest is 21 oldest 34. Also 5 grandkids. Can you believe I still feel the empty nest? We all live within 10 minutes of each other and I live with one of my daughters and one son. So I am not alone but I feel the Empty nest. I have no idea who I am. I raised the kids alone so I didn’t date. I’m not social at all. I’m afraid to do things on my own. So I completely understand you.

[Funkyfaerie]

The empty nest syndrome leaves you feeling hollow, but it happens to us all. We have to remember who we were before having children.

I found on a practical level, that I'd always been so busy when the kids were at home (I have three) and all of a, sudden there's nothing to organise, even found it difficult not cooking for so many.

My husband left me when my youngest was ten and for seven years I brought them up on my own. I did meet someone else and am reasonably happy, but I still miss my kids. Although now I have 8 grandchildren which is lovely, we all live quite a distance unfortunately, but we do visit often. It's not the same though, I wish I could have my kids all over again and do it in slow motion.

The sadness will get less, you need to join a yoga, Thai chi, or art class, something that interests you. Music was my thing I went out to places where there were live bands playing, so that even if I had no one to talk to it didn't matter the music was so loud! I'm a 70`s rock girl... Well was! 🙄

Just wanted you to know, that I know what a horrible lonely feeling it is, but slowly it will get better.

Best Wishes x

[Hidden]

I’m an empty nester, have insomia and up most of the night and all day.

I’m married, but I only see him 2-3 hours a day Mon-Fri. My sleep is stupid crazy. I’m sleeping when he comes home and awake just as he’s going to bed. Being awake most of the night is very lonely and boring to say the least. I cannot just get up and do anything around the house as I’ll wake my husband.

I do have 4 pets, they have all saved me and still do daily. I used to not be a cat person at all, till one showed up on my doorstep in freezing cold. She was ill, passed a few years later but I got another one and one more to keep her company when I do leave the house. I think our pets need companions of their own so I have 2 cats and 2 dogs.

Will your children ever make you a grandma? If so you have that to look forward to. Any social groups in your area? Volunteering a few hours a week something your interested in? Do you exercise? I exercise everyday and takes up a little time and helps with my anxiety.

If you ever need someone to talk to, really anytime especially at night, just send a message through pm. I can assure you I’m up at some point between 12-1-2 am every morning.

[SHCM in reply to Hidden]

Thank you RoxieDawn I will definitely take your offer of hit you with a message . I do exercise everyday too, is one of the way to stay away of the house for few hours, I also go for a walk on the beach. I am looking forward to be a grandma for sure, but I don't think that will happen any time soon. My big problem is spend to much time with out people around

[SadMommy]

Another empty nester here! Both my kids moved out about six months ago and that threw me into depression and anxiety! When you spent over 20 years having them as the top priority in life and then suddenly you are supposed to stop. That's hard to do!

[SHCM in reply to SadMommy]

Really hard, I'm in the same boat. And even though I am happy for my kids accomplishments and I understand that they need to have their own life, I wish I have them closer and if at least I had a partner or friends to visit and have an active social life I would feel different, not having someone around to have a conversation with is really tough for me.

[RoseyViolet]

I understand, we are facing an empty nest in a couple of years. It used to terrify me to think about how quiet and solitary life will be, but then I realized it's just the next phase of life that I get to figure out how to tackle and be successful.

Have you considered volunteering your time somewhere that interests you? Like the local homeless shelter serving up meals or a veterinarian/pet shelter working with animals, perhaps working in a nursery at a local church to rock sweet babies and play alongside children in the evenings while their parents attend church services.

Perhaps going through your local chamber of commerce in your area to figure out if there are any meet-up groups that would interest you that you could possibly join. Exercise is a great healthy thing to do for you that gets you out and active as well as able to meet others like in a class taken together. Think outside of the box.