Bad Morning..

[charley1894]

had an argument with my partner this morning.. over chicken! i make his lunches for work, i cook his dinners, i have his clothes ready laid out for work. (i wake up 2.5hrs earlier than i have to for him) and he moaned at me for forgetting to do his chicken (aswell as his other lunches) now he’s not gone to work cos his lift didn’t wait for him. i offered to take him but he just told me he didn’t want me around at the moment... so i’ve reapected his wishes and got back into bed. it’s coming to the time i need to start getting ready for work.. and i feel sick. i really don’t want to go. work was awful yesterday. customers shouting at me for other staffs mistakes and those who made th mistakes, just sat back and watched me get the abuse.

but i’m fearful i won’t have a job if i don’t go in today. but i just feel so terrible i want to stay in bed.

Help seeking. x

[jkl5500]

That's a pretty bad start to anyone's day. But you have to keep moving forward. Losing your job won't make this day any better.

You also might want to gently point out to your partner all you do for him on a daily basis, so he can do more than just complain when you get one thing wrong.

Try and have a good rest of the day.

[charley1894 in reply to jkl5500]

i done that, i reminded him that i done everything else. i’m sorry for the one mistake. even made the joke that i can’t be perfect all the time. and still nothing. i don’t think i can face the world today. let alone a terrible work environment.

[jkl5500]

Well, it's still early yet. If you stay home, you'll feel terrible all day, because you'll sit around thinking about what just happened. If you go to work, at least you'll get your mind off of it, plus you'll keep your job.

[fauxartist]

Please forgive me for saying this....And I'm sure you love your partner so this is no reflection on your feelings for them..but let him grow the 'F' up.....he's an adult acting like a spoiled child. From now on, until he can show you respect and gratitude, let him feed himself, do his own laundry, and make his own lunch....and if he doesn't want to be around you ....tell him to go somewhere else out of the house or shut the door and stay in another room until you have gotten yourself ready for work and gone....Tell him if he's gonna stay home and act like a child and not go to work...he can cook and clean, and have your dinner ready when you get home from work....I have no time for that nonsense. Your not his mother....you are his partner and should be his equal. Your nobody's doormat.....you deserve to be loved and not pushed aside. He will learn real quick when he starts missing out on all that you have been doing for him. Just stop for a week and see what happens. Many of us are people pleaser's and think that's what we need to do to be appreciated....but often we get taken for granted....stop....take care of your first....

[Aspergirl47 in reply to fauxartist]

Spot on fauxartist....This put me in mind of my ex partner...I'm the people pleaser and he was the passive aggressive....I done most things in the home and if I didn't do something perfect in his eyes...he would stop talking to me altogether and turn into a child...the next day he was out buying me a gift....I'm left so confused and messed up about relationships now....

[fauxartist in reply to Aspergirl47]

Hi girl....ya know....I have a passive aggressive in the mix here in my world, one of the family members who lives most of the time in town but stays here on their days off. And I have to tell you....their behavior borderlines narcissism much of the time. It is the second type of personality trait I cannot stand with a passion. That controlling manipulative , back handed crap to get their way and if they don't get what they want, boy....you will pay for it. Yep....can't stand it. I read this, sound familiar? :

015 | BY JEFF C.

You're telling a story when a friend rolls his eyes, or maybe you're at a holiday party when your aunt says, “I normally don’t like the way you dress, but that sweater looks great on you!” These slights are sneaky and often covered up with a smile, but you walk away feeling confused and bad about yourself.

That’s because passive-aggressive behavior is a way of expressing anger in a seemingly non-hostile way.

[Aspergirl47 in reply to fauxartist]

Hey fauxartist I read that the passive aggressive is only one notch away from the Narcissist...My brother is definitely a Narc...I have had to distance myself for the past 7 months now..his aggression is awful to be around...only see him when he wants to use me for his gain...both types I hate too..I wish we could pick our family instead of these abusers...left me with Ptsd...so even when their gone..were still left with the scars...So sorry you've had to put up with that kinda crap too in life...I saw a Therapist for a while and she was saying....because I was surrounded by a family of dysfunction...youre far more likely to meet a PA or a Narc..and that's exactly what happened...He would tell me a story and be quite happy to stand there for ages and then when would talk about something ..u could just see in his eyes he didn't want to listen and would make an excuse to go do something else...and also be quite sneaky putting me down ..but he would laugh if I said he was making me feel bad and say ...cant u take a joke...turn it round on me....messes with u so badly...I should maybe have seen some signs...like his sister never visited him ever and she was ony 15minutes away...but she would ask if I wanted to meet her sometimes...I later found out he had attacked her when he got angry....he also was working but was never asked to any night out..things like that...but easy to see it all now...but we have to not let these abusers win.... Good to hear from u ...you've been such a good friend... Chat anytime....

[fauxartist in reply to Aspergirl47]

The worst thing you can do to a narc. is 'IGNORE THEM'....they can't stand it. If you have to talk to them...don't.,...just smile and walk away. The narc lives for adoration and attention....but other people are nothing but opportunities for them to get what they want...other than that....if you have no use for them....you are no more important to them than a speck of dirt on the floor. They have no remorse, guilt, accountability for their actions,or ever feel they are wrong and god help you if you cross them or expose them in a lie. That is their expertise...lying, and manipulating others. Don't play their game and you won't get caught up in their web of deceit.

[Aspergirl47 in reply to fauxartist]

That's what ive done with my older brother...Ive not visited for months instead he now uses my other brother...youre right when u say...god help u if u expose them in a lie....I was attacked years ago by him physically in my mums house...I was sitting reading a book and my mum said she was going out for half an hour or so...so I waited for her..she was hardly gone...then he got up quickly and had his hands round my throat saying he hated me...I had done absolutely nothing to him...I tried to fight him off..the look of pure hatred and aggression on his face I will never forget...I ran out of the house and went to my flat..looking back now...he must have cooled down and then started worrying if I told my mum...she would throw him out...(he lived with her)...so he came over to my door( I shouldn't have opened it)...he tried to be so sweet..i felt sick listening to his crap...but I shouted at him and then he turned and said to me ..to remember that he knew where I lived and I better keep the locks on my doors locked at all times...he is vile....the complete joke is he now has been a member of the local Jehovah witness group for over a year now and goes round peoples houses trying to get them to join....if only they knew....I honestly don't know how people like him sleep at night....Definitely wont be playing his game any more Thanks fauxartist...u have a lot of knowledge and good advice..

[fauxartist in reply to Aspergirl47]

The frightening thing is my friend....they sleep like a baby. Don't ever give him your power again.....never.....he is dirt, scum....and as you said vile. I believe in Karma....and some day....the universe will be paid it's due.....evil if left in it's vessel to fester and putrefy will eventually eat it's way out...and he will forever be exposed for the monster he was and is to you....time is on your side girl....not his. There is an old saying where I'm from, and it has never failed me yet....you feed them enough rope and eventually they will hang them self.....that is a metaphor of course, nobody wishes that fate on anyone....it means he will eventually be up to his eyeballs in his own crap and not be able to bullshit his way out of it.

[Aspergirl47 in reply to fauxartist]

Hey fauxartist....Hope youre doing good :)...Ended up in hospital with a severe kidney infection....Dr thinks all the stress/trauma has a lot to do with it....I also firmly believe in Karma and I know I should try not to get angry with these abusers..but I sometimes feel so much hatred towards them ...knowing the damage they have caused and they don't seem to care at all.....I feel so low sometimes and left with no self esteem....its bad enough having one Narcissist to deal with but then having an ex passive aggressive as well...who still to this day tries every trick in the book to keep control..even though I told him I will never be in a relationship with him again...all gets so overwhelming...Is that common for someone to keep making excuses to come round and try to be extra nice and also tries to find out about what I'm doing now and actually copies whatever hobby/interest I like and pretends hes always liked the hobby, but I know he couldn't care less about it...I used to try to talk to him about my interests and hed either make an excuse that he needed to be somewhere or he would just walk away when I was in the middle of the conversation...Do these vile people get some sort of kick from all this? Appreciate your help, your a good friend and help a lot of people here

[fauxartist in reply to Aspergirl47]

I hope your feeling better, what terrible pain you must have been in, I'm sorry that happened. And to answer the question of them coming around, yes...it's very common for these kinds of people to do this coming around thing, trying to ingratiate themselves with cheap gifts, etc.. They cannot stand to loose. And are attention whores, (pardon if offensive) but true, they just want to have everything you do, and try to own it themselves because there is nothing in their head but being takers, they emulate our interests because they try to pretend to be normal, because they them self have nothing to give, only if it is going to be towards their own gain.....in a strange way we validate them, we give them what they need, any attention they can get. The two things I found about them is...1. they cannot stand to loose and will do anything to win 2. they cannot stand to be alone....I mean they have to be constantly validated...good or bad attention, it doesn't matter to them...they only feel for themselves. They will weave a web to ensnare you and then suck the life out of you once your caught....

[Aspergirl47 in reply to fauxartist]

Hey fauxartist....Was in a lot of pain..taken the antibiotics and it seems better...Thank u friend This all explains why I ended up with chronic fatigue...the length of time I was in a relationship with the attention whore !!! Ha....I loved that description..it fits perfectly..the part that really got to me one day was when I was diagnosed with Aspergers in 2014..my ex was with me when the clinician told me..i was pretty upset and shocked and the clinician said to my ex..the best thing he could do for me now..was to try and read on the condition...then he would have a better understanding of me...he told her he was going to the library that weekend..now I look back it was to make himself look interested...instead he went to play badminton and never picked up a book ever...but I then later found out from someone he worked with that he himself had organized a bucket collection in work for Autism Awareness Day and said he wanted to show his girlfriend he cares about the cause....he never even told me he had done that !!!! it was all a show to them...to make him look good....they all thought I had a decent caring boyfriend...so manipulative....but then people actually believe them....wow !!! I was so naïve of these characters...so appreciate your help...youre info is so good I take notes down to look at....it reminds me anytime I have to deal with my ex....and hes pretending to be nice...it reminds me of the snake he is.....

[ShellW18 in reply to fauxartist]

Fauxartist you've just described my ex boyfriend perfectly!

[Hidden in reply to fauxartist]

Well said, fauxartist! I was on the receiving end of disrespect for many years. It took time for me to change, but I am so glad I did.

We have to love ourselves too.

Blessings!

[Aspergirl47 in reply to Hidden]

The part I find most difficult is loving myself after all the abuse...Good to hear you got through...

[Hidden in reply to Aspergirl47]

It is a process. It will happen for you too

[Sillysausage234]

Ask him to do yours for a week maybe he will respect you more.

[hypercat54]

Hi I completely agree with the others. Sometimes the more you do for someone the more they expect you to and take you for granted. This is what your partner is doing. I wouldn't bother making his lunch for him if all he can do is criticise you.

I would just tell him to make his own if he doesn't like what you do for him. You need to start setting some boundaries with him otherwise he will turn you into a doormat. x

[bantam12]

" I have his clothes ready laid out for work " 😲 Why ?

He's treating you like a servant, you need to stop doing everything for him and tell him to grow up.