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[Twenty-three]

It’s been a hard few weeks. My brother committed suicide after a long battle of depression and being in pain. My son thought he should bring my 2 year old granddaughter to visit and check up on me. I was happy he was here but felt too drain to enjoy the company. I backed my car into his backing out of my garage, causing damage to both cars . I didn’t even noticed his car parked there. I have been in fog and can’t snap out it. They just left and now I feel alone and empty as well guilty for not being excited for the visit. I don’t know what is wrong with me..I am usually very strong.

[BG298]

I lost my uncle to suicide when I was 15 and it took a toll on me. The feelings you are experiencing are normal but I encourage you to talk to a professional about them because if you don't, like I did, the feelings will accumulate and become a huge burden on your mind. It's better to act quickly than to let the feelings linger until they gain control over you. Nothing is 'wrong' with you. Anyone who goes through a traumatic experience is bound to react the way you did, so do not ask what is 'wrong' with you, instead ask why you feel the way you do because there is a much more satisfaction is knowing what changed rather than what you view as 'wrong'.

[Twenty-three in reply to BG298]

Thank you!

[fauxartist]

I am so very sorry for your loss...and it might be a good time to talk to a therapist, or councillor to deal with the grief and loss...and certainly it's good your writing about it here too.... it's not a good time to really be alone, but also you have to go through the grief, you kind of will be in a fog for a while...just let your family know what you need....

[Twenty-three in reply to fauxartist]

Thank you!

[BlueBelle06]

I’m sure your family understands the grief you’re experiencing and didn’t expect you to be cheerful. Please try to give yourself some grace for it. I’m sorry you’re having a hard time. I’ve never lost an immediate family member, but I can imagine it’s terribly difficult.

[Sabio77]

Hi twenty-three, I am glad you are reaching out; I feel compelled to talk to you. I know its difficult to have a loved one to take their own life. Its also hard to see them go thru such pain. But Twenty-three you are not alone. You have friends on here. you can talk to any time any day 365 days a year. Have you thought about talking to a professional to help release your inner pain? May I suggest something to you? I kind of noticed that you are so hard on yourself. It was not your fault for what happened but, it does most definitely affect you. What you are feeling is totally normal and is totally ok. Your pain does need to be addressed with a professional; sooner the better so you don't keep pushing it deep inside you. It is ok to feel disoriented in your daily life while trying to accept what happened and to deal with the pain it has caused you. I find that having quiet time to release the pain and try sleeping helps me. I don't mean isolation from people. Just some time to reflect more positive thinking and plan more positive things to do. Try to replace those emotions of pain and loss with remembering the good times. Knowing that taking control of your mindset will help you with releasing your pain, accepting it so you can move forward in your life, and to FORGIVE your loved one and yourself. Now with your son, please find a moment to just be honest how you are feeling. Help him to understand. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Thank you again for reaching out so I could talk to you. Believe in yourself. I do. Hugs

[Twenty-three in reply to Sabio77]

Thank you!

[Sabio77 in reply to Twenty-three]

You are welcome. You can talk to me anytime. I'm a your friend. You are not alone. Hugs. Smiles are contagious. lol

[Sabio77 in reply to Twenty-three]

how is today going for you my dear...

[Twenty-three in reply to Sabio77]

It’s been tough. I started on meds and trying to get them adjusted and feeling like zombie. Thank you for asking!

[Sabio77 in reply to Twenty-three]

well hello! You just put a smile on my face. lol

Glad to hear from you today. Guess what, I hear all the time from friends and co-workers that they feel like a walking dead because of the meds. They take the pill and want to sleep for 12 hours or just zone out with no check of reality. Have you tried talking to the professional who prescribed it, that it is making you feel that way. It could be too strong. how long have you been talking the meds...

[Twenty-three in reply to Sabio77]

I started on Meds on Friday. Went back to the doctor today and she lower the dose. I slept for 16 hours without being able to wake up over the weekend. My anxiety has been very high and I am having a very time dealing with it. I’m not sure that any pill can fix my feelings. I am usually a very calm easy going person who deals with a lot of drama. I can’t deal with my brother taking his own life. I have so many mixed feelings.

[Sabio77 in reply to Twenty-three]

be easy on yourself my dear. no pill can truly fix a broken heart but if it is the correct prescribed medicine for you, it will help you control the high peaks and deep lows. and maintaining a balance. Only time.

now, sleeping for 16 hours seems normal as a body gets used to the meds. I have heard of that happening to many different people, sleeping for so many hours. Here is a positive perspective, I just read last week that our brains when reacting to any kind of trauma, needs to heal right? well, sleep in one of the best ways for it to heal. the older we are, the longer it takes. but, no worries. maybe the guy in the sky wants to help heal you. what do you think? I know its difficult what you are going thru. I big ball of mixed emotions and not sure if you want to even get out of bed to go to the bathroom let alone eat. right?

[Sabio77 in reply to Twenty-three]

is there anything I can do for you

[Twenty-three in reply to Sabio77]

I am sure you have you own problems to deal with. Thank you for caring!

[Sabio77 in reply to Twenty-three]

Well, of course I have my own, but I like to talk to other people, share what I have learned thru my own experiences. Its just who I am. Im not a dr of any kind, just a simple mother who has a heart to talk to others. I learn from everyone who I talk to everyday, everywhere I go. so if I am talking to you there must be a reason and you are my friend. I don't mind .... you can talk to me. Its all up to you. I aim to encourage everyone. You are my friend and please, feel free to reach out anytime. its really ok, hugs

[Sabio77 in reply to Twenty-three]

I value you and how you are doing. feel free to talk to me anytime. I'm heading to bed now but will check messages later on. you are in my thoughts twenty-three. one step at a time ok.... its going to be ok. there is light at the end of the tunnel. Iv been thru the same tunnel and came out ok. then you can too. hugs

[Twenty-three in reply to Sabio77]

Thank you!

[Sabio77 in reply to Twenty-three]

here's a cyber hug to hopefully create a smile.

[Cocoon3]

I’m sooo sorry for your loss & believe me... we all get weak.. being the strong 1 all the time, can get exhausting 🙏

[SlothTamer]

You’re experiencing a loss and going through the grief process. The fact that you are concerned and voicing your feelings here is a great benefit for you.

I’m so sorry for your loss. These times are never easy and rarely make sense. Hugs to you. Sending you peace.