How do you handle mean coworkers?

[Nairam__]

I am currently working at an office as a temp now and it has a lot of people who like to talk about others when they are not there. I've had situations where I've overheard conversations held about me that are rude but I wouldn't know how to say anything to them. I sit very close to those who do, so Im sure they know I can hear them? Obviously I don't want to lash out at them, but I feel like crap when I hear them talking badly about me when I am trying my best. I have horrible social skills but I wanted to how others who have been in similar situations have dealt with this kind of issue? Thank you to those who see this

[Hb2003]

Try to ignore them they are not worth your time some good advice ☺️ I don’t have a job but that’s what i would do 🫂 lots of kindness love and support to you

[Nairam__ in reply to Hb2003]

Thank you! I will try

[Sleeplessme]

I'm a grown man, working with other grown men, of all ages up to 60 plus. Even where I work this goes on. Everyone will bitch about anyone who's not there at that moment. My colleagues are all so horribly two faced. I've struggled with it for a long while. I think it's so wrong, utterly disrespectful, and plain nasty. But, it's not going to stop. People are pathetic, and probably have their own inadequacies, which is why they attack others so easily. I can't stop it so I live with it. I ignore it mostly, but now and then for my own entertainment I'll throw them some made up rubbish and watch them swallow it up and bury themselves.

You cant change it, but I'd advise ignoring rather than feeding 😉

[Nairam__ in reply to Sleeplessme]

Wow, that sounds frustrating. It is really annoying having to deal with it but I guess we have to. People just can't grow out of that high school mentality. Thank you so much for your reply!

[MaggieSylvie in reply to Nairam__]

It's a bad habit and they encourage each other. If you don't behave the same way you are likely to get labelled "standoffish" but that is much better than being a gossip. Does any work get done in that place?

[Nairam__ in reply to MaggieSylvie]

I am quiet and keep to myself most of the time. Its just hard for me to make conversations lol but I would not want to partake in gossip and make others feel bad the way I do.

[CarlJames]

I agree with the comments above. Best to take the high road. Ignore whatever they might say about you, it is meaningless. It may stem from jealousy, or maybe they need to put others down in order to feel better about themselves. Whatever it is, it says more about them than the people they criticize.

And since they seem to know you can hear them, they are looking for a reaction. The less you react the better. Think good thoughts about yourself when they are doing it.

[Nairam__ in reply to CarlJames]

Thank you so much, I always hated when people did things for the sake of getting a reaction so that makes a lot of sense.

[hypercat54]

Oh yes I have worked in places like this before. If you can and I know this is difficult it would be best just to say something casually like 'I can hear you you know'. That would get your point over without having to get angry.If you can't do that (and I know I couldn't have when younger) then it's best to try and ignore it instead.

Try and think of them without their clothes or something so you can have a quiet giggle to yourself. I am sure you can think up other scenarious too!

[Nairam__ in reply to hypercat54]

Yes, I would want to at least try and make a comment like this or say something like "did you call me?" If they continue doing so. Thank you for the reply, and lol to the last suggestion 😂

[hypercat54 in reply to Nairam__]

You are welcome. It reminds me of how I dealt with an opposition player last week at a darts match. I went to the loo and while I was gone the captain thought my colleague had my name and told her she was putting their players off. She told me when I got back.

I went up to the chap later and said 'Oh by the way my name is ....... and her name is ....... What I was really doing was letting him know that she had told me. He then immediately apologised and I of course said 'no worries' and smiled. There is more than one way to kill a cat lol.

[Blueruth]

Because you are a temp you don't have to ignore it. In fact what you should be doing is letting your agency rep know. They are your supervisor. They also want to know if they are to place other people there. It is their responsibility to let their contact know that it is toxic. A good agency will either help resolve the problem or get you into a different contract either in the same company, different role or another company. Chances are pretty good this isn't new to them. What would be bad is to risk saying something that would escalate the situation. I have been a temp... a lot of companies dis temps unfairly. That company isn't the entity to have your back. No supervisor is going to step in on your behalf. Your agency does.

[Nairam__ in reply to Blueruth]

Wow, I did not know that. This is definitely not something I would tell my supervisor at my job cause even she has made comments about me. Which is extremely disappointing. I am going to tell the agency that hired me about what is happening. Thank you so much for saying this!

[Poodlefanforlife]

If it’s in regards to how you work, I’d recommend ignoring it.. not worth your time. I’m not sure how old you are but generally the older you get the less you start to care what people think.

Also, temps have it the hardest!

[Nairam__ in reply to Poodlefanforlife]

Yea I’m not sure if its how I work. If i ever did make a mistake I’d like them to tell me personally so I can correct it instead of them gossiping. I do notice other temps being treated unfairly 😪 thank you for your advice!

[san_ray70 in reply to Poodlefanforlife]

I have long since retired but I was in a similar situation in my 40's, I decided to ignore it. People seemed to be whispering behind my back, I was feeling paranoid. Weeks later I found they were planning a secret birthday party for me. We had a lovely party and a laugh at me worrying.

[Nairam__ in reply to san_ray70]

Aww that was nice of them. I’m glad it wasn’t a negative experience 😊

[Roxylox]

The advice from Blueruth is sound. I too work for an agency.When l was being badly treated 2 years ago l complained to the Company, not the agency superviser.

Totally should have approached the agency.

[Nairam__ in reply to Roxylox]

Yea I will get in contact with the agency and see what happens. Thanks for the reply!

[moxond]

sorry to hear the conversations are obviously forms of Harassment intimidation which need to be approached in the correct manner you could ask them to direct their self talk in a more suitable manner or seek advice in confidentiality with you're personnel department or citizen advice bullying or harassment is not acceptable try to work through it if it gets overwhelming you must find support hope you find consolidation you don't have to get angry or upset with self care

[Nairam__ in reply to moxond]

Thank you. I agree bullying in the workplace is not acceptable. It can get very overwhelming but I’m trying hard to stay positive 🙂

[fauxartist]

If you don't have to talk to them, don't... and keep everything strictly business, if they keep talking at you disrespectfully, then calmly respond with an answer and say you would appreciate the same respect in return.... usually you will get treated like crap because they are afraid your going to take their job.

[Nairam__ in reply to fauxartist]

You’re right. I try to keep to myself most of the time. I don’t see why it happens when I don’t do anything to them. Thank you so much for the advice 😊

[fauxartist in reply to Nairam__]

I sometimes think also others are just nosey and want to get into your business, it's a workplace, not a gossip parlor. And when you stay above that crap, it makes them wonder, let them. Sometimes too if you're quiet and stick to your own stuff, they mistake that for weakness, that's why I advised the mutual respect thing, it lets them know you're no push over and can stand your ground, often they will back off then. Too many people make the mistake of wanting to be liked at work... work isn't the place for socializing. In some jobs it's more social just by necessity, like in medicine because you have to work together to save and treat patients. But in regular business environments, it can breed contempt. Eventually, after a while, you may find someone you can trust, but it's a job primarily.

[Nairam__ in reply to fauxartist]

Yep you’re right. I can be a pushover sometimes because I have a hard time saying no lol. I try to be nice all the time but I definitely need to stand my ground and not let others walk over me. Thank you!

[fauxartist in reply to Nairam__]

Nothing wrong with being diplomatic, that's not being a push over, I find that is a form of showing respect. Just avoid those that mistake your kindness for being weak or vulnerable. I admire your kindness... just give it where it's deserved. Sometimes people have to show we can trust them, and even then, things change. But we can't take their crap on board, let them deal with it.

[WriterG]

I've worked in many offices, some good, but way more were beyond horrrible, due to the people. After one too many awful experiences I finally decided back around 2005, I am going to figure out something I can do on my own, from home. I wound up going back to school, earning my degree and starting a freelance writing business. It's probably been the most challenging job I've had, yet the most rewarding. But, I realize that may not be an option for everyone. So, what do you do? I wound agree ignoring it is probably the best, especially since you're a temp. And, since you are a temp, you are obviously the prime person to get talked about. Just do your job and try not to get caught up in their bullshit. I know it's hard and me and my big mouth probably couldn't just sit there and not say anything, and wind up making matters worse. You said you have bad social skills so I wouldn't suggest confronting them. Worse yet, I wouldn't suggest telling the manager either. Managers don't like tattle-tales, especially from someone who isn't truly an employee. That would be a very bad idea. Since you are a temp can you talk to the temp agency and maybe get a job change? If that's possible? Just know you are the better person. People who constantly have to put others down are usually unhappy, awful people who can only feel good about themselves if they make others feel bad. Consider the source.

[Nairam__ in reply to WriterG]

That’s amazing that you went back and did that. Congrats! Yea I’m trying to find the time to go to the agency but I’m hoping to talk to them this week. Thank you for the advice!