Hey all! Brian here! I'll admit that right now I'm not in the best of moods. I usually don't handle stress all that well, but I'm trying to cope with a difficult situation and the only solution I can come up with is to isolate. I know that's not a very good solution, but it helps me to decompress and let the air out of the stress without blowing up at anyone (I don't like to do that, but if I'm pushed far enough I will go kablooey). So, my question for everyone out there is....
How do you handle stress (or a stressful situation)?
At this moment, I'm very irritated and feel like yelling at someone. I won't ACTUALLY yell at someone, but that's where my head is right now. I'm going to go try and decompress and unwind and see if that helps.
Your friend,
Brian
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bridder01
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Distractions! Comforts. Reading and writing here, venting. Call a friend. Text a friend. Get it out somehow. Best is to say it, write it, get advice. Your post in itself is therapeutic not only for you, but all who relate. Isolating isn’t the worst idea. I do that too. When all else fails, retreat to the cave. Just don’t stay too long.
I could not agree more! Brian, this advice is spot on. Distractions are key! I really like writing about how I’m feeling. We don’t realize how releasing it can be. I also do cheesy things to keep my brain busy; crossword puzzles, fun quizzes, organize my emails, get into a good show and absolutely talking about it! 💜
Hey Brian, I have been isolated since September. Lately I have been very upset with people in my life. I spoke with two counselors about it on the phone. One told me to always ask myself what would love look like in this situation and the other told me to honor my conclusions about the situation I experienced, in my case a breach of trust with two persons I am very close with, and move on with my life. The advice has helped me transition from hurt to willing to take action but in all honesty I am still very frustrated with the grip my mental health disorder has on my daily productivity.
Ultimately I thought being alone would help reduce my stress and it has in certain areas. I have gone many days without seeing a familiar face and live on an island (of sorts). I have not spoken to anyone from my immediate family in 3 months and close friends maybe once a couple of weeks. Unfortunately I am still stressed but in different ways then before. I don’t work so I am removed from that pressure although I remember it well and now when I see people walking over each over just to get in a grocery line or to be first on the subway I have a deep gratitude for when I was blind to my own desire to get things done quickly in the hopes of gaining a minute of time back. Still by being isolated the enormity of Self has crept into my consciousness. I am right on the Atlantic Ocean so when I look out I see water, ships, and clouds. I often find myself wishing I could be on a ship because although it’s isloated too it still has a crew of people and it’s going somewhere, and it has a purpose, The stress of being by myself comes from loneliness and the monotonous silence that makes all of my thoughts louder. I take walks to deal with it, I draw, and write, I do lots of cooking and dishes haha, I struggle with how to clean things so I wash and wash the dishes. I also try to appreciate the shelter I have. Sometimes I will pretend that this place I am renting out is like the clubhouse I used to make with sticks and wood in the back of my house and it’s protecting me from rain and grown ups. Yet I would be lying to tell you I wish I had one person knock on my door because they genuinely missed me and said, “Hey, you want to get a cup of coffee? Let’s chat for a while” If that happened at this moment I would cry and whatever stress I feel would be much much lighter. I read your posts so I know you are dealing with a something really heavy so I hope your stress subsides soon and if you can try to distract yourself with something enjoyable and talk to someone who can give you a laugh ( when you feel like it.) PS. I think it’s okay to yell at the ceiling if your upset and need to!
I completely sympathize Rob. I'll get into it more at the end of this reply chain, but being someone who was verbally and emotionally abused throughout my childhood, it's a real hard struggle to let people in and for me to be friends with them. I've finally gotten to a place where the walls are starting to come down a little. I too suffer from a mental illness and after almost 35 of letting it drag me down into quicksand (I'm 43, by the way), I've finally started to rebound from it. Sometimes, moving past the pain is the hardest part, but at some point you need to put one foot in front of the other and keep walking. One day at a time, Rob You'll rebound, I got faith in ya
Thanks B! Appreciate the reply and the encouragement.
I exercise. Or listen to the tv while making a jigsaw puzzle. If I really feel crazy I will take up my knitting or cross stitch and just zone out. I find doing something that makes me focus on a task relaxes me. I think everyone is different, but that is what I learned about myself.
Thanks Here! I do try to distract myself when I'm stressed. Sometimes it works. Sometimes, it doesn't. That's when I lay on my bed in the pitch black of my room and just let everything go. It helps and I get a few winks in the process lol.
Yeah, the worst is over. I wound up leaving the gaming community I belong to for almost 2 and a half years. All because some (pardon my language) walking pile of pig feces was allowed to rejoin. I don't need negativity in my life, so I left. It was that or get thrown out when I verbally eviscerated him in front of everyone lol. I wrote a more detailed explanation at the bottom of this thread.
Nope, didn't have the chance. Will have to wait for it to come out on DVD.
Hey Brian!
Im sorry you’re feeling down x
For me I journal when my stress/anger/upset gets too much. Sometimes I write with such anger it causes my page to tear lol 😕 x everything I want to say and shout and scream about goes on paper. Try it... pretend it’s a trustworthy best friend.
After that I breathe meditate/pray and try to relax
Thanks Hope! Lately, I've been doing more and more meditating. Unfortunately, I've never been one to write. I mean, I do like to write on occasion, but somehow the ideas in my head don't translate too well to paper lol. But sharing what I'm going through here is a little bit like writing in a journal. And if it helps others as well as myself, that's a bonus
Yes I understand writing doesn’t always come to me either... only when I’m angry actually lol. I think because in real life I hate conflict so I’ll just argue it out on paper instead. I guess that’s why I post here when I’m down too.
The meditation helps only when I can get my brain to cooperate. But with ADHD, that's not always the case. But it does help to just 'go silent' sometimes. Let the brain go into idle for a bit and just observe and 'be'. That does help
Brain can handle stress either with flight or fight. Or get knocked out.
..
Isolation works, but it does not solve the stress.
I find the absolutely best way is to lead a goal-oriented life. Develop a goal, achieve. You will not feel stressed about anything in your life, because frankly, if anyone berates you or job sucks, you will completely let it slide, as these distractions do not concern your goal.
Thanks Quitter! I have to say I've pretty much got into the 'Let it roll off your back' mentality a while ago. Sometimes, certain things aren't really as important as we make them out to be. So I say, 'meh' lol
Now if I can just get my ADHD to let me make obtainable goals, I'll be all set!
Firstly, I want to thank everyone who replied. You guys have a been a big help!
What happened basically is that one person in the gaming community I used to belong to (I'll explain in a sec) was kicked out for his behavior. When I found out that the community was going to let him rejoin because of a technicality (I admit I overlooked that particular technicality), I decided I could no longer stay if this guy was going to come back. Please everyone, but pardon my language when I say this guy is walking pile of dog excrement. He is overly negative and toxic every second that he was on our communication channel. He is the proverbial black hole where positivity goes to die. So I was stressed out about him coming back and I decided it was best if I just removed myself from the situation because sooner or later (probably sooner) I was gonna verbally eviscerate him in front of everyone and humiliate him beyond all recognition. This behavior is normally not like me, but when someone pushes me to my breaking point, then I strike back hard and fast. It's only happened once in my life, and I'm not proud of when it did happen (all the way back in grade school), so I try to distance myself from any negative or toxic personalities. It's taken me 35 years to crawl out from an environment where all I was surrounded by was negativity and wanting to die. I simply don't want to be around people who are 100% negative in their outlook or who take a negative toll on the environment I'm in. 99% of the time I'm laid back and easy going and fun to be around. But watch out for that 1%. It's a lulu! lol
Your reaction or lack there of is understandable. That guy is a jerk, he should be kicked out, and he will, just wait. I totally relate to your once in a lifetime blow up. That’s what happens to lovely, caring, sensitive people when they’re pushed too far. Then we scrutinize ourselves for having an emotional reaction, when we are emotional beings. I think your passion about this mirrors the level of pain this jerk brings you. You’re protecting yourself and it’s your only choice. Being free of toxic people is an incredible feeling of freedom, and you deserve that Brian, we all do. You’re a class act. You’ve suffered long enough. I hope this dude moves on one way or another.
If I’m a peach, then you’re a tart, and when baked, our sweetness fills the room and no one can resist us. Not even the fleas. I’m a pretty good flea wrangler if you’re hiring. You crack me up.
Yesssss, love the British comedy, the absurd, the strange, the best the absolute best...
Hi There. I find that isolation lately is my only option also.
My situation of being the primary provider (working 50 hours a week) with 3 kids at home doesn’t allow for many other options. Would love to just go do something mindless but life doesn’t really allow for that. I am a goal oriented Type A person but that doesn’t seem to be helping. Anyone else have advice?
Thanks for sharing Sadness. Sometimes, just lying in bed with your eyes closed and pretending you're all alone for 20 minutes can make all the difference. Or, having someone you trust watch the kids for like an hour so you can decompress and shore up your sanity could work. I imagine it's a rough go, but finding ways to slip mindless things in (like doing a crossword puzzle at lunch) can be a lifesaver
I am sorry for what you are going through. This stressful situation may be more anxiety related. I read a book by Max Lucado called " Anxious For Nothing" that really helped me. One thing I do is think about all the blessings I have in my life ( or you can write them down too) Are you seeing anyone professionally that you have been able to talk too. If not here is a number for a great organization that can offer FREE counselling advise and can refer you to professionals in you area 1-855-382-5433 also here are a couple links to resources that might help bit.ly/2QRzBrr and bit.ly/2yc8nk5. Prayers my friend.
I run until I can’t run any further. Then I lie down on the grass and remind myself how lucky I am to be above that grass rather than below it. In that moment I practice gratefulness by realizing there isn’t a person who’s gone before me who wouldn’t trade places with me in a heartbeat — stress and all. Works every time. Now if I could just find away to ward stress off to begin with, I wouldn’t have to be on this site at all!
It’s so good to read you! I thought about you recently and about how strong you are...well to de stress I have to listen to my soul... one time it might need to pray or meditate another time be alone with a good movie, sometimes move my body...
Today it was strength training and yoga that really helped me feel better. Hope you feel better very soon sending out peaceful vibes(((((
I’m not sure it’s personal strength so much as strength I receive from all of you.
Hi ,I deal with stress according to the type of stress. Mostly by paying attention to my body and it's signals.. Clenched jaw, rapid breathing tense muscles.. If it gets that far I know I need to stop and "chill".. Try to figure out the trigger and look at my options (sometimes isolation is the only option).. I can't control anything other than my behavior, thoughts and actions.. I can't so squat about others. I find that the absolute best stress reliever for me is physical activity.. My favorite is gardening.. I also build scale models.. Both fit my stress reducing mantra "Out of the head, through the hands and into the work".. I can't always garden or build , especially while driving etc. So I try to compartmentalize the stress source and let it go for the moment and work it out later.. Not a perfect solution. It does help.
If my stress is coming from watching too much TV News, I turn it off, breathe, play some soothing music, read a book etc. I mainly handle my stress by taking deep breathes. Even when the "stress" button hits me no matter where I'm at, like in the car, or in a store like Walmart, doesn't matter, I stop and take a deep breath to focus myself. After a couple of deep breathes, I tell myself in my mind that I am safe. I am loved. I am protected from all... If this doesn't center me, I start saying... I'm am grateful to the universe (Yes, I also say Grateful to God) and then I start listing things I am grateful for. For example like being able to push my cart through Walmart and buy groceries and carry them home without help. Being Grateful I can walk, talk, chew gum, being able to dress myself. Being thankful that I have food, or the money to buy food. Being grateful that I can see the beauty in nature, etc., (you get the picture). Anyway after several minutes of this I normally feel better. I hope something works for you. Peace.
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Feel better soon!
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