How do you deal?

[Bethany72617]

How do you deal with a family member who thinks they know everything, will talk everything to death, but yet still not take appropriate action to actually change? Also they get upset when you question them and openly disagree with them? They think they're pulling one over on you by talking for hours and simply exhausting you and never truly making a logical point? They leave feeling like they've "won", instead of actually seeking resolution. I personally am backing off, and doing my best to separate myself from them. Just curious.

[Hidden]

Hi I do the same thing as you. It is useless wasting time or energy on people like this. They don't want a true constructive discussion but just to score points like you said.

My mother used to play the 'Yes but game' which is very similar. Whenever one of us tried to help her in any way she always had a good excuse why she couldn't do this or that.

When you see this person the best way is just to nod and smile and refuse to get drawn into a useless discussion. That really confounds them .

[Kobojunkie]

lol... I think the problem is not with the one who talks a lot but with the one who listens for hours one end.

Basically as long as you are not the parent to said person, you really should not expect anyone else to change for you or to become the person who you would rather he/she be.

What you ought rather to do is to learn to accept this family member as-is and focus more on building up your own person using the knowledge gleaned so far from observing and listening to this family member.

that is what i do and it has helped me better appreciate my family and hope for the best for us all.

i think cutting off from friends and even family when offended by em just seems like highschool all over again. Maybe just listen less, ask less questions and try to see the humor in his actions and choices. It works all the time for me.

[Bethany72617 in reply to Kobojunkie]

I guess I should clarify that backing off and sperating myself from them to me means trying not to fall into their mess and sitting there for hours. I agree, cutting yourself off from them is juvenile in some cases. That's not what I meant though. Lots of family drama has been stirred up and I found myself deeply concerned and wanting to help, which led to me being sucked in. After cooling down and taking time to reflect I finally saw this. It's very difficult when you love and care, but aren't sure what to do in the midst of that chaos. Letting go and accepting them is the answer though, I just need to put it into practice. Easier said then done. Thank you for your words.

[Kobojunkie in reply to Bethany72617]

Oh! One thing you will never find me doing, is getting in on any family drama. No matter what it is, I don't listen and I make sure to stay out of it. Even if an argument is happening right in front of me, i do my best to ignore it all and put my focus on something else.

My mind is tortured enough. I don't need any extra drama tp add to the pile. 🤣🤣

[Bethany72617 in reply to Kobojunkie]

Amen! Lol