How Do I Kick The Habit?

Good Morning, (afternoon and evening)

Yesterday I talked about meeting a woman at a pub who was very broken; too broken for me to honestly befriend. The truth is I was afraid. I wasn't afraid of her, or of the fact, she was someone shunned by her community. I was afraid of her illness. I think that when people continually hold back what they feel in an effort to please others, or not come across as weak, as the years pass those emotions that at first are few and more easily handled start to become a mass. A small group of memories of disappointment, hurt, anger, disillusion, and others, which are mostly pointed at ourselves for not being good enough not to go through those changes, become lynch mobs to our souls. They grow and become organized in chaos, they know and use every one of our vulnerabilities against us. Who knows us better than we do, so who knows us more than they do. And, I say "they" because that is what my illness is to me. "They" are no longer emotions but entities that paralyzed me. It's been like Frankenstein's monsters in my head, but with a little twist of James McAvoy in the movie Glass or Split. (He's amazing at playing split personalities, by the way.) My depression is a mass of darkness created by the attraction and grouping of suppressed negative emotions, and all the memories I've held on to through the years that make my stomach tighten and sicken. Do you know that a therapist told me once years ago? She said that people are often addicted to those feelings, and that's why some people keep choosing abusive partners because that's all they know, and they are more afraid of what they don't know (all subconscious mind you). I was flabbergasted, but it makes sense, if I could be to the sensations that alcohol or drugs give me, then why can't I be addicted to that sickening feeling in my gut? The bigger question is how do I kick the habit? With Love Always...AU

[Agora1]

AU, your words are wise and unfortunately so true. We are afraid to venture out of

what we have been use to including abuse from others or ourselves. It's one of the

reasons our body feels so abnormal when a good day comes along. We are not use to

it and so take it as threat hanging over our heads that any minute..any minute. And so

it does.

We keep picking the same kind of people in our lives because there will be no surprises.

As bad as it may get, we get comfortable in that situation. It's sad. The answer is within

us in going forward. To trust and believe in ourselves. To love ourselves enough to

know that we are worthy of happiness. To never let anyone put us down by abusing us

emotionally or physically. xx

[Hidden in reply to Agora1]

Hi Agora,

Thank you for responding. You know I spoke about this with my therapist today. I told her that at first I wasn't so sure about the whole being addicted thing was true, but that one day I realized the way my body was reacting to a bad situation I was experiencing and it hit me that the feeling in my gut was all too familiar. Like I was in trouble at school and heading to the principals office and getting ready to get it from my mother when I got home. That wrenching feeling was a long time companion. The epiphany hit me that I'd chosen the path to the negative moment because I'd allowed someone to make me feel small. I realized that the other person was doing that to make themselves feel more important and that meant that they felt small. It was a lesson for me that came late in life. I'm much more confident now (thank the heavens) and whomever doesn't like it...let them eat cake! lol With Love Always...AU

[Agora1 in reply to Hidden]

AU, my feelings exactly... xx

[foxglove in reply to Hidden]

True - thanks for posting

[NeuronerdDoaty]

Very well written. There are people who are frequent fliers in the hospital because they just know something is wrong with them. Send them home and they’re back in 3 days. They have a new pain on leaving day or a ‘spell’. They are addicted to the hospital. Well I am too but I made it my career.

I don’t know how to fix them and I don’t know how to stop being a workaholic. No therapy has helped me yet because I like my addiction. I have the chalk outline retirement plan.

I think to stop destroying my body with too much work I’m going to have to find something I like better. What? I don’t know.

What would you like better? Now figure out how to get it before moving on it. Then tell me how to do it!

Doaty💛

[Hidden in reply to NeuronerdDoaty]

Hi Neu,

I can identify with what you're saying. Not much for me because I am far from a workaholic I'm what you might call a slack-aholic lol I love to spend time in nature, researching things I am interested in, watching videos and movies on various topics and things that make me absolutely no money lol. I have to leave by humble means because of it, but I prefer happiness over the stress. When I was in the corporate world, the pressure, greed, and hypocrisy nearly took my sanity, so I made a choice to step out of the rat race. Now, my partner? HE is a workaholic always doing at least 70 hours a week. He loves money and honestly, when he's home on a day off, even when there are tons of things we can do, he's antsy. He doesn't want to do a menial task or be outdoorsy. Truthfully it's torture for me, and I'd rather have him out of the house. Neu, I think you numb your mind with work. That's what people do. You might have to really make the bold move of taking a holiday and forcing yourself to be maybe, near the water, or in the woods. Take a stroll or sit and be quiet. Think of what made you happiest as a little boy, and follow those feelings to the next step. I think It's worth a try. All my best to you and if you want to continue to chat, please don't hesitate to reach out. With Love Always...AU

[Kainan]

Very well said. With regards to choice and addiction, your therapist is right in that they continue to go down that road, but it's not because of choice; they don't choose to go for abusive partners. That would be insane. They have no choice in the matter because they are conditioned by their minds to go down the same avenues as before. Anything that appears new to them is foreign and may even present danger to them. So, the thing is that the mind, conditioned as it is by the past, will always seek to recreate what it knows and is familiar with. It's important, therefore, to disidentify with the past and those conditioned ways of thinking, and try to increase consciousness by becoming more mindful and present within yourself and your surroundings. The pain, anger, fear, guilt, sadness and all those heavy emotions that you might feel are ultimately not you, because they are a by product of too much past, too much future, and not enough presence. It's like if you were to ask yourself, "What is my next thought going to be?" You would have to think about it, but in doing so, you become aware and present to the right now, and there would be no negative emotions. Sorry for the long post. It's just something to think about

[Hidden in reply to Kainan]

Hi Kainan,

Heavens! No apology needed to the queen of long-windedness lol. I completely agree with you. If a person has no idea of how the psyche works then true, they are not making a conscious choice. Once you have been given the knowledge of how the mind really works, then you can work on yourself and actually make an educated choice. The key is to "want" to do it. Understanding how you work, and how you can take the steps to change the outcome of your decisions is important, but actually doing what is necessary, and usually, the hardest part is the key to better mental health. I just recently admitted to myself that depression and anxiety are just part of who I am, but at this point in my life I am so grateful to be able to say "they are not in control" It takes hard work, honesty, acceptance, introspection, and courage to face the monsters lol. But, the effort is worth every ounce of work. With Love Always...AU

[Kainan in reply to Hidden]

Yes, exactly. The hardest part is often having the awareness and the courage to say to yourself that you want to change your situation for the better. Our lives are already whole; there's no need to change that. But our life situation is within our control and we are in charge of where we want to go. The first step is always awareness, and then with that, paths will start to open up.

[NeuronerdDoaty in reply to Kainan]

My problem is I don’t want to change even though I know it’s not the healthiest thing to do. I have a house by lots of nature and water and I have a dog so I feel balanced but I am a workaholic and I like it. I wish there were more hours in the day. My research amazes me every day. I’ve never worked a day in my life. I dream about it. My kids have good work ethics. I know it’s an addiction, bad form me, my head is in the sand, and I suck at life but I’m happy in my research. I’m fulfilled and I have no stress like when I deal with people. It’s my safe place.

[Kainan in reply to NeuronerdDoaty]

Whatever works for you. It sounds like you enjoy what you're doing. If you don't mind me asking, what kind of research do you do? I take it you're a neuroscientist

[Hidden in reply to Kainan]

Hi Kainan,

Lol You're a sweet person. Very Kind, and seems like open minded. I like that and you! I appreciate the compliments, but I'm no where near a neuroscientist. I've just been following a lot of self help people and one of them suggested to look into quantum physics. I don't have to tell you that subject is for the smartest of the smart and honestly a LOT goes over my head BUT, there are people who can describe what goes on in your body and mind in layman's terms. The process makes sense. I don't think I figured out what I know now just by following any one person, and with everything I read and listen to I take something away and other stuff is like ehh maybe not lol. And it doesn't all just lightbulb my head. I'm an over thinker so I mull things over and over as the days go on, and then something happens in my life, and "ping!" And I go "oooohhh snap! That's what they mean!" lol There is a growing movement in neuroscience though, but you can't be a duck to follow. You have to be an eagle! I think you might just fit the bill (no pun lol)

[Hidden in reply to Kainan]

Crap I thought that neuro comment was for me and it was for Neuro! lol omgosh sorry so full of myself ha! So, ARE you a neuroscientist?

[NeuronerdDoaty in reply to Hidden]

Yes

[NeuronerdDoaty in reply to Kainan]

I think its a great post.

[Hidden in reply to NeuronerdDoaty]

Hi Neuro,

Thank you for the kind reply. Please read my post to Kai. It applies to you too. With Love Always...AU

[Hidden in reply to NeuronerdDoaty]

I'm not sure if the great post was for me or Kai. Sorry I'm apparently very confused at the moment (happens lol) I love Kai's posts

[NeuronerdDoaty in reply to Hidden]

These threads can get confusing. 😁

[Daisymom]

Hello my friends! Well this thread is quite a bit to chew on! LOL. I can relate to much of it. Whatever the addictive behavior is… If it is causing negative effects to the point where you feel you need to change ...It is always easier to use the addictive behavior because it’s a good distraction and often makes us feel either good or comfortable. I am addicted to being a student… It has put me in a financial crisis and because I become so obsessed with it my health has deteriorated. I just finished another graduate degree and now I feel lost. I agree with the suggestion about being in nature and it does help… But without the constant papers and research deadlines I have too much time to think about all the other things I don’t know I can handle or dont want to. It’s never easy to kick any habit… But I think in its simplest terms it’s rewiring neural plasticity. I’m just trying to force myself into new healthier habits and addressing some of the issues I allowed myself to ignore with the “excuse “that I was too busy in school.

[Hidden in reply to Daisymom]

Hi Daisy,

(My favorite flower) You are so damn smart. Neural plasticity? I love that you said that. So I imagine you're a mom, who is dedicated to the stability of her family. You study because it takes you places you can't physically go. You don't see things changing anytime soon because you're kids are still too young, and you can't continue to do school because you're digging yourself into a whole. Jeeze, we are all running arent we? And you know no one benefits from "forcing". Guiding yes, forcing no. So I could be completely off the mark but, what are healthier habits? What are the issues? Can you be honest about them (not to us even but to yourself?) What made you come here, smart girl? No matter what the answers (and tell me to f*k off if I'm being that in your face, nosey girl) the community is here for you...I'm here for you. With Love Always...AU P.S. If I'm totally off the mark, I'm sorry. I'm the one that's always yelling out what's going to happen next in a movie. Truth be told I'm right about 70, ok 30 percent of the time.

[Daisymom in reply to Hidden]

You are so sweet! I love to be challenged and I appreciate your questions because I need to think more deeply… I have no problem sharing I am not ashamed or shy. I do know I need to drink less smoke less eat better exercise and get a job to pay off student loans. I’m a mom to three dogs. I live alone, most of my friends don’t have time and my two closest friends I recently decided we’re unhealthy and I need to step away from. I know it’s a good decision but I miss them. My health is suffering And it is just too easy for me to lay in bed all day completely unmotivated. I’m a little like Nuro nerd and that I don’t really want to change but I know I need to.

[Hidden in reply to Daisymom]

Omg you're so typical lol (not) I love neuro. She has no clue how amazing she is and I don't even know her like that. If you are a serial student how more deeply do you need to think? oh wait maybe like a professor. You'd have plenty of papers and deadlines there! I have 5 dogs none of which are actually mine. What's with your health other than mental (from one to another) I wish I could hit the lotto and start a commune. We could all stay in bed, drink, smoke (cough) and contemplate like the Plato and sock-rat-tease.

[Daisymom in reply to Hidden]

Too many health issues to mention… Easier to just ignore them. Add nachos to that community I’m in!