What would you do........

[secrets22]

I would sometimes pop in to see an elderly but not a nice woman and last week I popped down with a cabbage i didn't need, went in, as her door is always open, and noticed she had visitors, they didn't see me but i left a cabbage on her kitchen table , and since then heard nothing from her and i'm sure she knew who had left it, bearing in mind i usually hear from her every few days, i just get the feeling she's angry because i went into her home unannounced.

I should point out that her home is a ''gossip shop'' and i know they are always saying unpleasant things about me. and I've caught them out several times but I've let it pass, especially as one man in particular who spends hours with her every day is a slanderous gossip of the worst kind to the point of being truly evil.

I am surrounded with 2 or 3 spiteful people and because i am so sensitive i take it all to heart., they watch when i go out and watch when i come home and it's made me a bag of nerves, added to which just having lost my little dog Yonnie i am not in a good place and wanting it all to end. Its a living nightmare. I've not spoken to anyone in over 3 days and too nervous to go out.

This might seem trivial but its really not.

[Cavalierrubie]

l know what nasty neighbours are and how horried some people can be. In order to release yourself from these feelings l would, with courage, confront your concerns and go round and ask her if you could speak. You normally go round, so carry on as normal. No one has a right to make you a prisoner in your own home or intimidate you in this way. It’s antisocial behaviour. When/if you can do this, then l think you need to distance them from you for a while. That way, they will have no fuel for gossip. I have friends, but l don’t do “neighbouring”. Never been one for going in others’ houses and prefer to be private. I find neighbours nosy. You need some true friends so send love and prayers that you find the right people in your life. Xxx

[fauxartist]

You know.... just keep above the fray as they say.... when we lay down with dogs we are going to get fleas...as they do, and eventually these kind's of people turn on each other... I wouldn't read anything into it at all other than this women having bad manners for not thanking you for the cabbage, and if it were me... I wouldn't leave a cabbage next time. Don't take it personally, I always say to consider the source, you know she's not a nice person, and hangs out with the gossip mongers who have no life of their own so they tattle about others to make them think they are more than what they really are. Be grateful your not part of that mess.

[Alpakka123 in reply to fauxartist]

Omg! You're first sentence! Thank you!!!! (Don't mind me. You just reminded me of something I needed reminding of, so thank you!!!!)

[fauxartist in reply to Alpakka123]

Glad you got a lightbulb moment...I love those.

[Alpakka123 in reply to fauxartist]

This wasn't a lightbulb moment. This was an "oh that's right. I forgot about tthaf lightbulb" moment. Drives me crazy. I need to be writing these down and carrying them around with me. So thank you for handing me back this forgotten one. 😀

[fauxartist in reply to Alpakka123]

anytime.

[Arymretep]

Best keep away if I were you, people like this are the last thing you need at the moment, look after yourself x

[gettingsomewhere]

Hi secrets

You sound a lovely neighbour bearing kind gifts.

It's her loss if she doesn't appreciate you, but still, she and the other neighbours don't sound nice at all. I'm sorry to read of this. You don't need these types in your life at the mo.

I hope you feel better soon x

[Alpakka123]

Hi dear,You are very right; It's not trivial at all.

I wanted to share the following in hopes that it might help:

My abuser is a elderly woman who is not nice at all (she knows this too since she's the one who told me she cannot be nice!). She told me this back when she was still nice to me. She was helping me through grief (a subject matter I thought serious enough to render me immune to her nastiness). I could not have been more wrong🤦‍♀️. I'm having a heck of a time "divorcing" myself from my abuser, and I took a huge step backwards yesterday (ironically by being nice to her). Being nice, while it felt good initially, seriously backfired.

We can try and be as nice as we want, but it won't always cause others to change who they are. There are some truly evil people in this world who don't give two cents about others' feelings. They prey on our vulnerabilities and kindness and then leave when we become too much for them. They will leave, but God forbid it be quietly. They need to make you feel like sht before they leave. Only after they've made you feel like enough sht to make you feel destroyed, only then will they leave. Once I was strong enough, I emailed this woman and told her she hurt me. Do you think I got a response? No. These are the kinds of people who shouldn't matter.

I'm sorry you're hurting.

[Alpakka123]

Hi again secrets,

I'm in immense emotional pain today, so I'm thinking of you (sorry, that's sounds really bad, doesn't it?). Let me rephrase. I'm thinking of you because...well, shoot. There's no nice way to word it. I empathize with you? Maybe that's nicer?

We are both way too nice for our own good. Please don't beat yourself up. You did good. It's her problem if she doesn't want to recognize it. My abuser doesn't deserve my kindness. My situation is very complex, though. Not only am I trauma bonded to her, but she is dying (found out earlier this year). Maybe that's where my impulse kindness came from on Sunday? I have no clue. But what I do know is I did good. It backfired, but it doesn't mean I didn't do a good job. I stuck to my true colors. What she does with that is her thing. I showed her amazing kindness when she didn't deserve it. My mom died in 2021. This woman told me so what she died (and lots more). You don't say that to someone in grief. Saying that means there's something massively wrong with you.

I'm currently cleaning my house as a way to attempt to get out of my head. I'm having some ladies over tomorrow for Mahjong. Have you heard of Mahjong? It's an ancient Chinese til game.

Anyway.... that's my way of saying I understand as much as I am able.

[secrets22 in reply to Alpakka123]

thank you my friend Alpakka, i understand and thank you. I to am bonded with the unpleasant woman to a point, she has lived here for 63 years and i cant remove myself from her entirely without having contact because she's within spitting distance from me, but so far i have avoided her for a few days, unfortunately it does eat away at me, but no matter how kind you are its never enough.😪

[Alpakka123 in reply to secrets22]

You're welcome.Yep, I hear you. It's like they have this big sucking machine. People like this are IMMENSELY good at sniffing out and preying on kind, sensitive souls like us. I once referred to my person's abuse as emotional rape. In my case, that's unfortunately a pretty good term for it.

I just read the air (since my abuser isn't around) the riot act. It made me feel better, but it took lots out of me, so I'm currently relaxing in bed.

Stop trying with this person (I'm trying to convince myself of doing the same thing here, so I know it's easier said than done). She doesn't deserve your kindness.

Maybe the following will help:

At one point my abuser said something to me that hinted at extreme jealousy of both me and my husband. While she didn't say the word "jealous", her statement had jealousy written all over it. So, my abuser is jealous of me and my husband. I bet you anything that your woman is jealous of you. Why does she busy herself with gossip? I have no clue, but a good guess would be because she feels threatened by you in some way. Feeling threatened can take on many forms. In this case it sounds like you have something she desperately wants but isn't capable of having -- kindness.

In my person's case, it's that she hates herself (has said so) and deals with it by abusing others (one of the things I learned about her after the fact is she has a pattern of abusing others, including her own family). It's very sad.

[secrets22 in reply to Alpakka123]

its really quite testing when you consider I've taken this woman for doctors' appointments', and run her here and there numerous times, plus taken her for meals out, oh so many times. but her frequent sidekick is behind a lot of the hate, filled up with jealousy i believe. 😨

[Alpakka123 in reply to secrets22]

It sure is very testing! In my case, this woman drove me places, went to 2 appointments with me, etc, etc, etc. She was incredibly loving and kind. She love-bombed me (i didn't know anything about love-bombing and narcissistic abuse until after the fact). It all ended the day I defended my dad. By doing that, I differed in opinion from her. She couldn't have that. That's when the punishments started. She hates men....Wait a minute. She. Hates. Men. OMG! Light bulb moment. It was suggested that I triggered her. Defending a man, while it wasn't the main trigger (the main one was losing control of me), was a trigger, wasn't it? (Making a connection here, so don't mind me). She couldn't get to my dad, so she got to my husband instead. Her first punishment was to use my husband's non vaccination status against me, which in turn got me mad at him. Her trigger told her that two people needed to pay: 1. me for breaking from her control and 2. my husband because she couldn't get to my dad and she needed to get to him. She had picked the next best person. Oh my goodness!

I don't feel good all of a sudden....

[Starrlight in reply to Alpakka123]

((((((((Alpakka)))))))

[Alpakka123 in reply to Starrlight]

Thanks, my dear. It's so hard.

[Alpakka123 in reply to Starrlight]

It was sooo traumatic because I really got onto my husband. I went to a hotel for 2 nights and ... Told him I wanted a divorce 🥴 No, he's not vaccinated and that is his choice, for crying out loud!! Oh God....What am I doing? This is secret's post.

Sorry, secrets.

Gotta go to ready for my company. Reset time.

(Btw, The furniture is not playing Jenga anymore)

[secrets22 in reply to Alpakka123]

You're welcome Alpakka.😁

[MaggieSylvie]

Just remember that the cabbage will be usable for a long time - much longer than any period when your neighbour might have been a bit friendly!

[Starrlight]

((((((((((secrets))))))))))