Thinking about life

[Lookingforhope20100]

So it's currently 4 am and I should be asleep but I keep think about my life and what started all that made me who I am today and all I can come up with was my dad passing away it triggered my bipolar disorder and drove me to the person that would end up messing up my life even more but at the same time save my life. So here goes when my dad passed I didn't want to live anymore and that's when he came into my life our time together was epic and he left me with my daughter his daughter he walked away from us and is now blaming me for all the hardships he is facing because he is in prison and I'm out in the world living my life. I love my daughter with all my heart but I hate her father and I don't like that feeling because in the end he gave me a reason to wake up every day... I just want to shut my brain off and go to bed my eyes are tired but my brain is going a mile a minute

[tonkastoy]

I'm not good with words but your post touched me and I'm thinking of you. Thank you for being so "real".

[Mrspjsmom]

I call that "tornado brain". My mind goes in circles repeating the same thoughts over and over. Sometimes I can turn it off with white noise. I turn on a fan and concentrate on the sound for as long as I can. If my thoughts return I try again until I fall asleep.You aren't responsible for his actions. He made a choice to leave. Made choices that put him in prison. None of that is on you. No matter what he says it's on him.

I'm glad you have your daughter. Keep loving her. Make her the reason you wake up every day. And last but not least try to get to a place where you hate her father's actions, attitude and him blaming you but not hating him. I know that's very, very hard. I have needed to do that so many times in my life I stopped counting. But once I did it was easier for me to get through each day.

I hope I was able to help a bit. HUGS ❤

[Lookingforhope20100 in reply to Mrspjsmom]

Thank you, your words helped I'm going to try that next time I can't sleep due to over thinking