I think about de@th way too often

[GreenBeanJean]

MESSAGE FROM HU SUPPORT: This post contains information that could be upsetting. If you are feeling vulnerable, do take care if you choose to read this post. We are adding this message in accordance with the terms of use and HealthUnlocked community guidelines.

--

I’m just tired of this thing called life. I picture how perfect it would be to not deal with it all. I already feel like I don’t matter in this life time. The only thing that keeps me alive is my son and the love he has for me and worrying that If I were to end it all that it would mess him up and I don’t want that for him. But as of lately.. the way his dad made me feel as if I were replaceable as his mother and that I was nothing more than someone who gave birth to his child. It makes me just want to let go of life more. We aren’t together he’s moved on and I’m okay with that but to try to cancel me out and make me an outcast as my sons mother just makes me feel what am I even around for. I don’t have the support that I need in these times where I feel this way because my mother is not an advocate for me. I’m sure she feels the same to where she wishes I wasn’t her daughter. She’s embarrassed by me mainly because of my weight. She doesn’t think much of me as a person. She even said she feels sorry for me because I’m a sad individual. All of this makes me dream of death because what is my purpose who do I have. I hate myself and it’s hard not to when everyone else does too

[Agora1]

GreenBeanJean.....

"A mother is she who can take the place of others

but whose place no one else can take"

I Care xx

[GreenBeanJean in reply to Agora1]

Thank you ❤️

[CL3V3R-G1RL]

No you are not replaceable full stop 🛑

You mean so much to your son it's beyond measure. In fact his love for you is deeper than any ocean. You are not replaceable as his mother. You are The One & Only mother! Just because his father is being a 🍆 because who the hell knows. He's probably angry about how his life turned out. And he takes it out on others because that's the only way he can express himself.

I know at times the darkness seems like it'll last forever. But it doesn't, it just feels that way. I'm sorry you don't have a support system with your family. It's sad it's over trivial things like weight. It's hard being a meaty gal and if you were already thicc and got pregnant with your son. It's hard to drop that weight you put on during the pregnancy. Doesn't mean you never have love for yourself or that your lazy. Could be something medical like insulin resistance or thyroid problems. Only a doctor can find out for sure.

My point is that you are deserving of love and care regardless of your weight and your depression.

We are here for you! Death may seem like a perfect solution. However death is permanent solution to a temporary problem.

Wishing you healing and love 🫂 ❤️

[GreenBeanJean in reply to CL3V3R-G1RL]

Thank you as always I would have replied sooner, but my post got deleted because the site thought it was spam, but it has been very hard and I really do appreciate the kind words and encouragement

[Shnookie]

so sorry that U R going thru this. If you live in the U.S. please call 988 the suicide prevention hotline. They are a crisis hotline as well.