It’s my birthday on Monday I will be 32 I have a 14 year old son and a 12 year old daughter !
From November I felt that dark dog chasing me again and he got me and devoured me ! From then on I started antidepressants and ended up stopping because I felt they weren’t helping I experience severe anxiety all day every day I felt like I was going to die ! Distressing thoughts and feeling plagued me by the minute and I had no idea how to cope ! I could hardly function
Fast forward till today ! I am back on citalopram 10mgs I am not as bad but I am not exactly better either ! I wake up every morning heart racing filled with dread thoughts enter my head like I am taking medication because my brain isn’t working right and I am going to end up in a mental ward or end up crazy I constantly worry about how I’m feeling and slights moments when I feel ok my brain starts giving me all these horrible thoughts again ! I feel like my life isn’t going to get any better I feel like I’m in a dream sometimes when I am outside I feel scared all the time and want to live normally the way I did but find it hard now I cannot cope with the fact I can’t shake this and feel normal again my anxiety stays with me all day and has different intensity’s depending on my thoughts
Am I going mad ?
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Ellex31
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you say the intensity changes depending on your thoughts.
So, are your thoughts you? Are they who you really are? Are they real real or just pretending to be real? There is no need to come to any conclusion.. right now
but lets say you'd distant yourself from the mind's content? Kind of ignore it, as it were a false friend pretending to be a real one What would happen? would it just be you here? without your thoughts? This is what I have been doing - creating distance from my mind - disassociating with it - I am doing it bc I get that I am not the mind and that its content is many time stale past memories being recycled again and again- hence the feeling of being chased and haunted
I’ve tried that I don’t feel normal tho that’s what I’m scared of the strange feelings like I’m stuck in a horror movie or something it’s hard to explain !! Yeah it’s horrible x
Hi, you aren’t mad but you are definitely highly keyed up with anxiety. I found Lexapro very helpful for myself. I also encourage you to journal, pray, go on walks, join a support group, see a therapist, be with others. I’ve had times of extreme anxiety and I had a very intense spiritual experience during it. I spent a lot of time in prayer, crying and journaling. It’s also important to be with others because we need human contact.
Is that better than the generic citalopram ?? Have u tried citalopram rather than lexapro ? I’ve heard it’s better ! I just wish this will go away soon 😭 I have my kids my fiancé and my friends I have have human contact I just haven’t been much use to any of them like this x
I am on lexapro on and off, I don’t know anymore if is working, main problem I am facing is I have no motivation for anything. And on top of that I got a husband , who is not open to communication. I feel very lonely and a failiure, I really need some friends, someone to talk to, express my feelings and spend time with. If anyone out there knows how to find a support
I highly recommend you join Codependents Anonymous, I go every week and have met great people there. I also go to Celebrate Recovery, that is also widely available and a great place to make friends.
You just described exactly how I have felt for the past 3 and a half years. No one could begin to understand what this feels like unless they have had it themselves. Mine begin with a random panic attack and that just sent me down the rabbit hole. I cannot seem to get out of it. I am having some good days now but still have anxiety every morning when I wake up. I am on 2 antidepressants and also klonopin but still I suffer. My biggest fear is going crazy. As I understand it, this is a very common fear in those of us who have anxiety and panic disorder. If it helps any, I have not died or went crazy yet. Praying for you my friend. I truly understand what you are going through. If you ever need to chat, I am here for you.
Three and a half years 😩😩😩 oh my god ! Does your brain race through a million thoughts per second ??? It’s so horrible how have you coped for so long 😢 yes I fear I’m going to go mad or something the morning anxiety and weirdness sucks
absolutely! My mind races and it is horrible. I am much worse in the mornings. I do not know how I have survived this so far. It is so difficult to believe that it is just anxiety but I guess it is. I haven't died or went crazy yet.
You are not going mad!!! This is an illness and you need time to heal. I to am going thru the same thing. Every morning I wake up scared at how the day will be. I know we both can get thru this and be a better person for it. It takes time. I have learned that. I still struggle but I know that one day this will all be behind me. Keep thinking positive. Smile when you get up in the morning. It really does help.
Hey I have tried the smiling thing in the morning !! I have strange dreams and feel like I’m still in them when I wake up it’s horrible feeling like this i have been through this before and came out the other side I’m just hoping I will again this time
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What would happen? would it just be you here? without your thoughts? This is what I have been doing - creating distance from my mind - disassociating with it - I am doing it bc I get that I am not the mind and that its content is many time stale past memories being recycled again and again- hence the feeling of being chased and haunted
I feel like I have no one to turn to
Am I the only one that was isolated before the pandemic?
I feel like I’m slowly going insane and I’m petrified 
I feel like I am losing myself
