I feel like I am the only one going through this

[Ellex31]

Hi all

It’s my birthday on Monday I will be 32 I have a 14 year old son and a 12 year old daughter !

From November I felt that dark dog chasing me again and he got me and devoured me ! From then on I started antidepressants and ended up stopping because I felt they weren’t helping I experience severe anxiety all day every day I felt like I was going to die ! Distressing thoughts and feeling plagued me by the minute and I had no idea how to cope ! I could hardly function

Fast forward till today ! I am back on citalopram 10mgs I am not as bad but I am not exactly better either ! I wake up every morning heart racing filled with dread thoughts enter my head like I am taking medication because my brain isn’t working right and I am going to end up in a mental ward or end up crazy I constantly worry about how I’m feeling and slights moments when I feel ok my brain starts giving me all these horrible thoughts again ! I feel like my life isn’t going to get any better I feel like I’m in a dream sometimes when I am outside I feel scared all the time and want to live normally the way I did but find it hard now I cannot cope with the fact I can’t shake this and feel normal again my anxiety stays with me all day and has different intensity’s depending on my thoughts

Am I going mad ?

[pass-word]

sorry to hear you are feeling so bad

you say the intensity changes depending on your thoughts.

So, are your thoughts you? Are they who you really are? Are they real real or just pretending to be real? There is no need to come to any conclusion.. right now

but lets say you'd distant yourself from the mind's content? Kind of ignore it, as it were a false friend pretending to be a real one What would happen? would it just be you here? without your thoughts? This is what I have been doing - creating distance from my mind - disassociating with it - I am doing it bc I get that I am not the mind and that its content is many time stale past memories being recycled again and again- hence the feeling of being chased and haunted

I wish yo well

[Ellex31 in reply to pass-word]

I’ve tried that I don’t feel normal tho that’s what I’m scared of the strange feelings like I’m stuck in a horror movie or something it’s hard to explain !! Yeah it’s horrible x

[Hidden]

Hi, you aren’t mad but you are definitely highly keyed up with anxiety. I found Lexapro very helpful for myself. I also encourage you to journal, pray, go on walks, join a support group, see a therapist, be with others. I’ve had times of extreme anxiety and I had a very intense spiritual experience during it. I spent a lot of time in prayer, crying and journaling. It’s also important to be with others because we need human contact.

[Marshall64 in reply to Hidden]

Lynn, did you ever taper down to 5 mg of Lexapro?

[Hidden in reply to Marshall64]

Yes I did, I have much more energy now!

[Marshall64 in reply to Hidden]

No negative affects from reducing down?

[Hidden in reply to Marshall64]

Can’t say there was or is. I’m much better off on the 5mg

[Ellex31 in reply to Hidden]

Is that better than the generic citalopram ?? Have u tried citalopram rather than lexapro ? I’ve heard it’s better ! I just wish this will go away soon 😭 I have my kids my fiancé and my friends I have have human contact I just haven’t been much use to any of them like this x

[Hidden in reply to Ellex31]

Lexapro is more powerful than celexa. Lexapro calms me down much more

[Coolid in reply to Hidden]

I am on lexapro on and off, I don’t know anymore if is working, main problem I am facing is I have no motivation for anything. And on top of that I got a husband , who is not open to communication. I feel very lonely and a failiure, I really need some friends, someone to talk to, express my feelings and spend time with. If anyone out there knows how to find a support

Group pls let me know. I live in Bellevue, wa

[Hidden in reply to Coolid]

I highly recommend you join Codependents Anonymous, I go every week and have met great people there. I also go to Celebrate Recovery, that is also widely available and a great place to make friends.

[Ellex31 in reply to Hidden]

Where is that I live in Glasgow x

[cortisolqueen]

You just described exactly how I have felt for the past 3 and a half years. No one could begin to understand what this feels like unless they have had it themselves. Mine begin with a random panic attack and that just sent me down the rabbit hole. I cannot seem to get out of it. I am having some good days now but still have anxiety every morning when I wake up. I am on 2 antidepressants and also klonopin but still I suffer. My biggest fear is going crazy. As I understand it, this is a very common fear in those of us who have anxiety and panic disorder. If it helps any, I have not died or went crazy yet. Praying for you my friend. I truly understand what you are going through. If you ever need to chat, I am here for you.

[Ellex31 in reply to cortisolqueen]

Three and a half years 😩😩😩 oh my god ! Does your brain race through a million thoughts per second ??? It’s so horrible how have you coped for so long 😢 yes I fear I’m going to go mad or something the morning anxiety and weirdness sucks

[cortisolqueen in reply to Ellex31]

absolutely! My mind races and it is horrible. I am much worse in the mornings. I do not know how I have survived this so far. It is so difficult to believe that it is just anxiety but I guess it is. I haven't died or went crazy yet.

[Justbreathe3]

You are not going mad!!! This is an illness and you need time to heal. I to am going thru the same thing. Every morning I wake up scared at how the day will be. I know we both can get thru this and be a better person for it. It takes time. I have learned that. I still struggle but I know that one day this will all be behind me. Keep thinking positive. Smile when you get up in the morning. It really does help.

[Ellex31 in reply to Justbreathe3]

Hey I have tried the smiling thing in the morning !! I have strange dreams and feel like I’m still in them when I wake up it’s horrible feeling like this i have been through this before and came out the other side I’m just hoping I will again this time

[Elfje]

Same here 3 jears I fight too my anxiety

[Ellex31 in reply to Elfje]

It’s such a shame ! We know there’s nothing to fear but how we’re feeling and all the stupid thoughts in our heads 😢

[Elfje in reply to Ellex31]

I know

Thoughts

Feelings

I know

Worst part is I am from Belgium that I have the feeling nobody understand

Because I deal alone

Sometimes I think

I give up

Me alone fight this

It make you sooo tired

But also make me angry sad

That I think

Why me ???

What have I done wrong ???

See that is what I think than and than escalate to be harder for myself

O God it's like a never ending story 😢

[Ellex31 in reply to Elfje]

I know !!

I also feel like that but don’t give up

Are you taking medication ?

Lots of us are dealing with this

It’s the worst thing ever you will get through it though

[Elfje in reply to Ellex31]

Medication

No

I mean I can not have anti depressants maket me worser

Only Xanax but this don't really help

So than the doc whant that I take serogeul low doses

I thought what ???? No way

I gone not taken a anti psychotic med

No way

Sit only 10 Min in his office

But I must get the anxiety away drive me sometimes too the edge

Hate it

[Agora1]

Happy Birthday Ellex31... How was your special day?

I hope you took a break today and treated yourself.

We can talk tomorrow...today is about celebrating YOU. xx

[Ellex31 in reply to Agora1]

Thank you agora I had a lovely day

Still on the battle path with this mental illness

Tomorrow will be seven weeks on this citalopram I am better than I was but still not where I was before this kicked off in November ! Will I ever 😔