Virtual school and frustration and mental health problems

[Starrlight]

It just helps me to tell others what’s going on when things go bad like someone is in it with me I’m not all alone. I don’t expect anything in particular just wanted to write.

Sooooooo........

Virtual school and frustration with rough teacher with back and forth email is making it hard for me to maintain positive modeling for my kids. The teacher is difficult and bitchy but at least she is letting me know what’s going on, that she’s not getting my sons assignments although I know he is submitting them. I want to model for my kids to know that other people can’t affect you in a toxic or overwhelming way if you don’t let them. I am close to breaking down. Things are not making sense. Every day I wake up with intention of a good day to be sending and receiving love joy peace

Recently I had two breakdowns and I feel I’m close to acting out of control like acting the opposite of what I’m shooting for or just not able to be doing my best.

I’m sitting deep breathing in tears to able to relieve myself to hold it together.

Really though this one little spot of life is nothing when you think of a whole lifetime so I’m trying to keep that in mind. Things pass. It will be okay. It’s just that I’ve been working to figure out what’s wrong and so I can fix what I can.

Eigth grade is going well. I hate forth grade. Please let fifth be better. I’m having my forth grader work on his writing his letters are mostly backwards and he is writing so slow there’s no way he can take notes. I’m so sad. He is having a hard time and I can’t stand to see him so frustrated and overwhelmed, just like me.

Pluuuuuus I’m not loosing weight even though I’m off the Paxil I’m exercising I’m eating right I am so frustrated there too.

My friend may visit end of the month and I’m a mess. I don’t feel up to anything. I am miserable.

My anxiety meds are not working like they were. I just started Lexapro so hope there.

You guys I have a secret and it’s pretty big and I am not ready to confront it right now. It’s affecting my love life. I’m so done trying to have the type of relationship I want anx deserve.

I’m under so much stress.

My family is living with my parents and more and more of me helping them is coming on. I can see it happening abd because my narcissistic father is so controlling and stubborn we can’t get help with my mom who has Alzheimer’s. It’s ridiculous. My life is coming to an end. All I do is for others and when I do do something for myself it ends up turning to shit in my mind. I’m not as positive as I need to be. I’m not giving up though.

Every night I have nightmares or dreams about high school what’s that all about?

Anyway I can’t do this on my own and my therapist switched every week to every other week and it hasn’t been good lately anyway.

Almost every day I’m stuck at home when I get motivation to go out. Right now I am so done. I am letting the coarse waves devour me because my energy is depleted. Things will get better but for now I am just so done. So tired. So pissed off. Extremely angry. I’m gonna snap. I need to get in the woods and car and scream. That’s all I want to do.

The teacher got back to me again and everything she explains is in doable and unseeable. Why? Seems I’m always on another planet, or dumb.

Edit: I want to add that my ridiculous sister and I have cut ties and so the cousins don’t see eachother much and they are so close. She is a disgusting person so it’s partly good the break-up but oh my it’s such a cold world in my mind right now when your own sister is an enemy. People constantly stealing and cheating and taping and killing. I’m not in the mood to think of the happy stuff. I’m angry. I can’t help it.

I am now praying that I can help someone today, be helped today, and not be so angry.

[c-mac]

You have a lot going on! I'm sorry it seems so overwhelming -- it sounds like I would be overwhelmed, too! Can you treat yourself to a break for a minute?

[Starrlight in reply to c-mac]

Yes I am taking a break but it’s hard to stop the problems in the back of the mind come up and life seems so cruel. I’m very sensitive to things and my son tries hard and the teacher I feel should see that. I have to look after him to see he is on task and he is but his teacher seems to only the negative. I think I’ll go out on my own later when I get the car. It will be good for me . Thanks

[Madieval]

Bless you ,you are doing the best you can. Being in the car is good if its not too cold .I spent the last hour sat in ours ,up at the hospital .then decided to go and find a hot drink from one of the machines ,and guess what ,none of them had a cup ,but hey I was able to appreciate the warmth when I got home

[Starrlight in reply to Madieval]

Thank you

[Madieval in reply to Starrlight]

Thank you for the thank you , your are a good person

[Starrlight in reply to Madieval]

Awwww you too

[Hope4me1]

I continually have what I call stress dreams. They are about high school a lot!! Also work, kids or anything that was stressful or traumatic in my life. I keep reminding myself that those days are behind me. I have dealt with it the best I could. But the dreams persist.

I have been where you are. Crying after a meeting with teachers about one or the other child’s behavior or lack of good grades at their school. It was always one thing or another. I know. The frustration and I seemed to always take it out on myself or push it down deep where I couldn’t feel it for a little while. But it would always show up. Later.

You are not alone. Talk to others. Share your feelings with people who understand. You will be ok; I will be ok. 💕

[Starrlight in reply to Hope4me1]

I burst out into tears to my family last night about how I have always hated myself abd can’t seem to let go of this. They were very supportive and understanding. But I’m stuill here hating myself. I’ll work on it.

[Hope4me1 in reply to Starrlight]

Try not to hate yourself. It’s so important to have self love. I am working on it, too. I send you peace for your soul❤️

[Starrlight in reply to Hope4me1]

It began when I was so young that It’s going to be so hard to break the pattern, but trying

[Hope4me1 in reply to Starrlight]

I never had a lot of self worth, and it stemmed from living with alcoholism and disfunction. It is a slow learning process for me as well. Don’t give up💕

[Dolphin14]

Home schooling is tough. Does your son need some tutoring? A little assistance with what he struggles with?

Get in the car. The alone time is so important.

❤️🐬

[Starrlight in reply to Dolphin14]

I don’t think he needs a tutor except for practicing letters which I’m doing with him. He is fine his he just needs to turn in his work his teacher says but he does. Ugh teacher is hard to get along with

[Starrlight in reply to Dolphin14]

❤️you ⭐

[Dolphin14 in reply to Starrlight]

🐬 ❤️' s ⭐️

[MaggieSylvie]

I would say, go out in the car, have a good scream and see if you can find someone to help. Your big secret is likely bubbling away underground and you will erupt at some point; are you addressing this with your therapist? Can you get a more suitable therapist? Even a counsellor might be more what you need but you have to talk to your doctor about this, as well as the ineffective meds. Please remember that life is constantly changing; keep doing the best you can and your children will come through this, as will you.🤗

[Starrlight in reply to MaggieSylvie]

Thanks I went out in nature then shop lost it when I was at home. Got the tears and frustration out abd had good talk with my husband.

[MaggieSylvie in reply to Starrlight]

That's great. It's good that you have someone at home you can talk to. This might be a turning point.

[Starrlight in reply to MaggieSylvie]

What a positive outlook ... I love it, thank you

[MaggieSylvie in reply to Starrlight]

Thank you. It's absolutely my pleasure.

[Starrlight in reply to MaggieSylvie]

😃

[Kkimm]

Hi Star.I really feel for you with all you are going through at the moment.

You are a great mom and you must remember that.

I remember it was always school that caused the most stress and sorrow in my daughter's other wise lovely and fairly easy childhood.

She has dyslexia and always struggled at school. Don't give up hope if your son is struggling however, just continue to help him as much as you can as you are doing. That may mean you can't always manage as much as you would like to however, particularly because you are ill and also have all the other issues to cope with.

Anyway, I was so worried about my daughter as she struggled so much at school. She not only went to Uni and got a first, but went on to do her post grad and have an amazing career as a social researcher in the Civil Service.

This was after a teacher told me that she would never be able to go to University when she was just 10 years old.

You have so much more to cope with than I did when my daughter was little. You have had to cope with home schooling and you have your parents to support also. I remember how tough it was when my mum deteriorated with the beginning of dementia and increasing frailty.

This caused me and my sister to have to support her with long drives at different ends of the country. Never easy but compounded by my sister and I having had a difficult childhood with our father suffering from PTSD and childhood abuse. This made him a cold and distant father throughout our lives. My sister and I have serious difficulties in our relationship and have had periods when we cut off contact.

You are an amazing person coping with some major difficulties in life.

Try to distance yourself from that stupid spiteful teacher and know that you are doing your best to help your little boy.

My very best wishes.

Kim

[Starrlight]

I make a sigh of relief after reading you. Thank you. Very helpful

[Zhangliqun]

On the medical side, assuming you aren't taking meds that would react badly with it (like certain blood thinners), I highly recommend trazadone at night. It's non-addictive, I've been on it since '98, so it won't lose its effect. For daytime I take duloxetine that helps quite a bit. As always, consult your doctor, I am no MD, just some guy in the trenches with you.

[Starrlight in reply to Zhangliqun]

Oh yeah I’ve heard it works well. But my sleep is fine. I have found what works for me but I tried going off to see and obviously I need the meds

[Zhangliqun in reply to Starrlight]

Diabetics need insulin, we need antidepressants etc.

[Mrspjsmom]

I don't watch the news. I already know the world is so messed up right now. Every time I go to a store or an appointment I run into rude, miserable people. I try to protect myself and keep my distance but they suck all the energy out of me. I have cut all ties with my own sister. She is toxic and abusive. I will only see her in public and no more than twice a year. Luckily I don't have to deal with virtual learning. One of my children had a mild learning disability. I couldn't help them do the simplest homework assignment and got so frustrated at times I lost it and started yelling. But I kept pushing forward. Sometimes very, very slowly. My world isn't what I want it to be now but I do the best I can. Your children love you and you love them. In ten years they won't remember you doing things wrong. They will remember you got through this together. So scream, cry take a walk. Do what you need to do to release your negative feelings and thoughts. HUGS❤

[Starrlight in reply to Mrspjsmom]

Comforting to know you can relate. Today is a good day. Or at least good-ish. I’m doing a facial mask right now feels soooo goood

[Mrspjsmom in reply to Starrlight]

Enjoy your mask and take care of yourself. As mothers we often put ourselves last. I still do and my children are both grown and own their own homes.