health anxiety is killing!

[anxiousalexis]

Hi everyone. i haven’t been on here in quite some time which is a good thing but I’m struggling again. I’ve dealt with terrible health anxiety since I was 15. I thought I had a brain tumor. It sounds silly now when I talk about it but back then, it was so real! I struggle from time to time but nothing I couldn’t get over. Recently for the past 6 months. I’ve been dealing with ingrown toenails. I’m already embarrassed talking about it but it’s something I’ve been dealing with. I only had one infection and got it taken care of. But they kept coming back. Back and forth on both toes. I ended up getting the side of my roots burnt so that side wouldn't grow anymore but I left the other side because I wasn’t struggling. I’ve been in and out of the podiatrists these past few months just worrying about sensations and I’m just so tired because now after getting the procedures done, I keep feeling crap on the other side and they don’t see anything. I’m fixating major on it and I can’t stop! It’s driving me insane. My anxiety is so bad and I feel so hopeless and so trapped because I feel like my toes are never gonna be the same and they’re gonna just driving mentally insane. I don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve been taking zoloft since I was 15 and xanax as needed. I see a new therapist tomorrow since I haven’t been to therapy in a while. It’s just too much for something so silly. I’m a 24 year old female and I wanna enjoy my life but just can’t. I don’t wanna eat because of how anxious qnd depressed I am. I dont know if I have trauma and I don’t know what’s real and what’s not. I’m losing my mind

[gajh]

Hello. I am glad you are starting therapy tomorrow that is great. I am sorry you are experiencing so much anxiety and depression right now. You aren't losing your mind you are just anxious. Is there anything that helps you feel better? Do you enjoy movies or music? Can you try to do something to distract yourself? I really hope that you find the therapy helpful tomorrow. Hang in there.

[anxiousalexis in reply to gajh]

Anything I do to distract.. I still feel the sensations. So I don’t know what’s real and what’s not. It’s driving me mad

[gajh in reply to anxiousalexis]

How did your appointment with your new therapist go? Did they have any answers for you? Are you feeling any better today?

[anxiousalexis in reply to gajh]

it was just intake, so not really any answers. i am feeling better but with my own doing. i have my good and bad moments

[gajh in reply to anxiousalexis]

I am so glad you are feeling better. What did you do that helped? When is your next appointment?

[anxiousalexis in reply to gajh]

Self positive talk is all I have so far and my support system. Reading up on anxiety and knowing I’m not alone as well. My next appointment is in 2 weeks

[gajh in reply to anxiousalexis]

Oh wow, 2 weeks, that is too bad. That is great that positive self talk is working for you. You are definitely not alone and I am glad that you know that. What have you been reading about anxiety?

[anxiousalexis in reply to gajh]

thank you! and just the way it works and how it affects us and hearing other people’s stories. It’s just crazy how brains work lol

[gajh in reply to anxiousalexis]

It is crazy how brains work or don't work. I wish there was an easy answer, but obviously that isn't that case. But there is hope, clearly. People here have overcome and we can too. It is inspirational to hear.

[MindfulMoment]

The sensations are always the worst. It’s like what came first the anxiety or the sensations. For me it ALWAYS feels like the sensations bring on the anxiety. But physiologically that can’t be true. The sensations are a chemical discharge of the fight or flight response. A response that were you in danger it would save your life. But it feels so wretched when there isn’t an apparent danger. The brain desperately looks for what that danger is but it can’t be found. So our secondary fear response is to the perceived danger which is all these somatic sensations we feel. We become terrified of what we feel and label it dangerous. In that labeling, the brain ear marks “anytime I feel a twinge, a headache, a sore toe, a weird arm pain, heavy limbs, racing heart, weird vision, shortness of breath” etc I must panic and get out of danger. So we fight, we fight the sensations and try to stop them. Only creating more, stronger ones. The only way to stop them is to stop being afraid of them. Learning to live with them, giving them space. Accepting them as normal and neutral. I have made a habit of thanking my body for trying to protect me, but calmly and slowly reminding it that I’m safe and that isn’t needed right now. At first it seemed silly, but now it’s working. I don’t try and stop my racing heart, I challenge it…. Beat harder, how fast can you go. Suprisingly, it starts to slow down.

[anxiousalexis]

thank you for responding. it’s been so hard. part of my brain knows the logic but it just can’t beat the panic. it’s destroying me. and it’s something so small! that’s what’s frustrating! i need a break from this. i feel hopeless and feel no escape. i don’t wanna die but i don’t wanna live like this