Life Update: Ups and Downs.

Hello,

It’s me once more.

I apologize for being away for two months, perhaps more.

Sadly, I can't really give any of you a positive update. If anything, a rather negative one. Which, I’m not sure if

I should or not.

So, lately— I’ve been.... thinking a lot about suicide. And mainly how I can’t see the point of life.

Ups and downs, I suppose.

It’s exhausting.

Me, my teacher, and parents are still in the process of getting a psychiatrist.

I suppose the good part is that I can talk to my teacher about it, right?...

I don’t know what to do. I really don’t want to think about it—about suicide—

I want to stop.

I just.... I don’t know what to do.

Hope you have a nice day,

Afternoon, or night.

— A. ♡

[butterfly2121]

I completely understand how you feel. Please know it always gets better. When the depression is bad we just cannot see the light. Please do go see a psychiatrist. Medication can help so much. Plus taking care of yourself. Right now you have to put yourself first. Take care of yourself. Make sure you are eating good foods. Try to go for a walk. Say daily affirmations like I am worthy, I am a good person, I am confident, I am strong. I know when you are in the throws of depression even the littlest thing is hard. Even if you pick just one. Even if it's just taking a shower and getting dressed. Little steps. I battle with severe depression too. I had a major breakdown a few months ago and learned a lot of coping strategies in addition to the medication. And talking to others going through hard times helped me so much. Please know you are not alone and please do not hurt yourself. You are a beautiful human being meant to be on this earth and deserve happiness.

[Hidden in reply to butterfly2121]

I’m not sure if I have depression, though,

I have wondered about it.

Thank you, I’ll try my best to do so.

Thank you for your support! ♡

[butterfly2121 in reply to Hidden]

Maybe it is bipolar disorder or extreme anxiety? Your doctor will help you figure it out. You will get better! Keep reaching out to this group.

[Hidden in reply to butterfly2121]

I think I may have Anxiety. Though, I don’t know about Bipolar Disorder.

I hope my doctor/psychiatrist will.

[butterfly2121 in reply to Hidden]

You mentioned your teacher so I gather you are young and in school. It could very well be anxiety. There is so much pressure on the young generation these days. So much more than when I was younger. Sometimes all the worrying makes you very overwhelmed and you just can't prioritize and see the light at the end of the tunnel.

[butterfly2121 in reply to butterfly2121]

Utilize all the resources you can to get help. In hindsight I wish I had gotten help when I was younger. You will learn so may ways to help yourself and keep yourself strong.

[butterfly2121 in reply to butterfly2121]

Once you get your symptoms under control a support group is so helpful. I never wanted to do it because I have social anxiety and it terrified me going into a group. But I learned so much about myself and coping techniques and talking to others helped so much. We really all helped each other. I'm 47 and just did it this year when I had a bad breakdown. My psychiatrist urged me to do it when I was much younger but I was too afraid and talked myself into believing everything was ok.

[Hidden in reply to butterfly2121]

I think it may be Anxiety (?) but I’m not 100% sure. I’m hoping I’m going to find out if it is or not. Sooner or later.

[butterfly2121]

Also try to remind yourself of times that made you proud. I think of when I ran a half marathon when I am really down. I was so proud of myself to be able to do that. I felt so good about myself.

[Hidden in reply to butterfly2121]

I will try to.

[MomLeslieM]

Hi A, I know you said you've been thinking of suicide but you also can see that there are ups and downs in life -- I know it's hard but don't make those life-altering decisions when you are in a down time -- things are hardest in those times but they're not going to stay that way all the time. It's good that you can talk to your teacher and it sounds like your parents are being accepting and helpful too. Can you ask them to see if you can get in to see the psychiatrist sooner? I know it sounds trite but make a list of the good things in your life and around you -- then when you are feeling suicidal pull that list out and really think about the good things that are still going on - even when you feel down. There's SO much more that will happen in your life -- don't give up - fight on because it will become better as you not only get older but also as you can see the psychiatrist and hopefully get some counseling as well to be able to talk through things. So hang in there!!